Burning Up The Past
by CirsiumVulgare
Summary: Continuum for Taking Bullets universe. Brendan's past comes to haunt him. Will have few chapters.
1. Chapter 1

For a few second Brendan wasn't sure what had woken him up. It was still too dark for it to be morning, and there were no sounds from outside their street. Then his brain started to register his surroundings, and he became aware how rigid Steven's body was against his and how sharp and quick his breaths were. Brendan instantly turned so he could circle Steven in his arms and press him against his chest.

"Shh, baby, it's alright." He kissed the top of Steven's head. "I'm here, it's alright."

Brendan could feel Steven relaxing. He wasn't sure had he even woken up properly, but he was still calmed down by Brendan's touch and soon his breaths were returned back to his steady puffs which Brendan could feel against his skin. He kept stroking his thumb behind Ste's ear which he knew Steven liked and hoped that by morning he wouldn't remember having any disturbing dreams.

It seemed like a long time since Steven's last nightmare. After they had moved to their new place his bad dreams had lessened and he had only woken up twice since, sweaty and disoriented until Brendan managed to calm him down. But Brendan wasn't surprised he had one now, after the newspaper article had brought all those things back up again.

Their new place, named Baile which in Irish meant home, had opened up almost a month ago with great success. People had been giving them great reviews and there had been a steady line of customers wanting to have something to eat or simply get drinks after work. Both Steven and Brendan had been tired after each day, but in pleasant way, and Steven had been having a focused but happy look on his face every time Brendan had saw him working. But today, or yesterday judging by the time of the early hours of the morning, someone had left bunch of papers on the kitchen counter with critiques reviews and articles of the place. All of them had been good, and Brendan would have personally hunted down any food critic saying Steven's food wasn't the best, but one magazine hadn't just written about the food and the place, but Steven's history too. There had been a full spread with text and pictures, and even when the article itself was this growth story of Steven getting where he is now, it also featured the events with Walker. There had even been a picture of him with long explanation about police investigations. Brendan was sure Steven hadn't read the whole thing – he wasn't much of a reader – but just seeing the picture made him go pale and shaky. He had been unusually quiet through the evening every time Brendan popped in the kitchen to see him, and once home he had clinged on Brendan like he was drowning while Brendan had done his best to fuck his thoughts away. He had gone to sleep looking satisfied and relaxed, but it seemed that during his sleep the memories had found him again. Brendan wished he could somehow get inside Steven's head and fight away all those dark thoughts tormenting him.

It sometimes scared him how protective he felt over this lad.

Brendan must have fallen back to sleep because next thing he knew was Steven stirring again, but this time there was more light in the room and the sounds of the street told it was morning. Brendan watched Steven to blink his eyes slowly for few times, then yawning and stretching before his gaze focused on Brendan's face.

"Morning." Brendan cradled his face and kissed him softly despite their morning breaths. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I think so. There was... Did I wake you during the night?" Steven frowned as he tried to remember.

"Slept like a baby." Brendan kissed him again before sliding his hand down Steven's side under the covers and gave his bum a squeeze. "Ready to enjoy your proper first day off?"

They both had been working pretty much each day, even when Steven had been off few nights so they could have the kids over he had still been on the kitchen during the early opening hours just to make sure everything was running smoothly. Now they both felt everything was established and the staff knew what they were doing, and Steven felt confident to leave his sous-chef to handle the kitchen for a few days when he and Brendan had a little break over the weekend. Declan and Paddy were coming to stay with them for two nights, and this would be the first time they met with the kids which made Brendan bit nervous. He hadn't been the best father to his sons and he worried how they would feel to see him with new set of family, but at least through the skype calls Declan seemed eager to meet his step-siblings in person.

"Mmm. I'll enjoy this first." Steven's hand wrapped around Brendan's dick, and then Brendan was on his back, Steven half leaning on top of him and they kissed deeply while Steven's fist was getting Brendan hard. Brendan sneaked his arm around him and stroked Steven's bum, found his hole and toyed with it. Steven was still bit lose from the sex they had before sleeping and he didn't seem to want to waste any time. After he was pleased of how hard Brendan was he quickly squirted some lube on him, straddled him and sunk down on his cock with a mighty sigh. He held on the headboard while he rode him with great enthusiasm, and Brendan kept stroking his hairy thighs and flat belly with his palms before taking hold of his hips and enjoying the view of seeing himself disappearing inside Steven as he moved up and down. When Steven's cries started to get higher Brendan took hold of his dick and stroked it roughly, until Steven came all over Brendan's chest. When his body had stopped shaking Brendan wrapped his arms around him and flipped them over, fucking him hard on the mattress. Steven's hands were around the small of Brendan's back, scratching the skin there while every push Brendan made forced a breathy moan out of him. Brendan was aware of his own grunts and the roars he made when he was coming. After all these months he had been fucking Steven Brendan was still hit by the feeling of coming in him without anything between them, like he was filling Steven up and how vulnerable it made him to lose himself like that, yet he had never been as safe than he was when wrapped in Steven's long, skinny limbs.

He eased out and collapsed next to Steven, and then they were both laughing breathlessly, rolling to face each other so they could kiss and kiss.

"That's a good way to start a day." Brendan smiled when they were settled back to breathing.

"I know I won't be getting any while the lads are here so I must make the most of it." Steven grinned. His hand was stroking Brendan's beard. "I love you."

"Love you too. Are you able to move yet? Wanna share a shower?"

Once in there they took great care washing each other up. Steven was half hard again by the time Brendan was done with him, and he took a hold of Brendan's hand and slid it down his crack, kissing his throat keenly. Brendan was more than happy to oblige, pushing his fingers in Steven's hole. He felt Steven flinch against him.

"You sore?" He was about to remove his hand but Steven pushed closer.

"Don't stop."

So he fucked him again, slowly, Steven's arms and legs around him as Brendan held him up against the glass wall of the shower cubicle. Steven's moans had sharper edge on them but any soreness he was feeling just seemed to make him more keener, his nails scraping on Brendan's back, complete opposite of the soft kisses they were sharing and Brendan's slow and tiny movements inside him. When Steven came he bit down on Brendan's shoulder and the sharp bang of pain made Brendan come too. He washed Steven again afterwards, gently, like he was a delicate treasure.

They got dressed up, changed their messy sheets for clean ones and whipped up a quick breakfast.

"How long do we got?" Steven asked while chunking down his coffee.

"Coupla hours before I need to get to the airport."

"Right. So. I was thinking, should we go to Amy to fetch the kids so they'll be here when you come back with the lads? Or should we give them some time to get settled first? Only the kids have to be in bed early so they might not have enough time to get to know each other if we go and get them on the afternoon. What? Do I have something on me face?"

"No, just listening you on a roll, that's all. I think it's good idea to get the kids now, they need to get back to their mum anyways so the lads have time to settle down when they have gone."

They decided to walk as the weather was nice and the distance wasn't so long. Steven was chattering on that way of his, running through different ideas of things they might do with the lads and the foods he had planned on making them. When they reached Amy's place they didn't even have the chance to ring the doorbell when she was already opening the door for them.

"I saw you coming from the window." She explained. "Come on in, the kids are excited. Is it warm outside?" She threw a questioning look towards Brendan.

"It's not, this one just seems to be immune for the cold." Steven smiled at Brendan's frown. Steven was wearing his thick coat to protect him from cold spring wind but Brendan had only threw on his thin leather jacket on top of his T-shirt. He shrugged is off now when they were inside and helped Steven to get rid of his when the kids came to greet them. They were full of beans, excited to meet their new brothers for the first time, and seemed disappointed that the lads weren't with them already.

"We're gonna walk to our place and then you two can help me to make them something nice to eat while Brendan goes to pick them up from the airport, yeah?" Steven explained to them and the kids seemed pleased with that. "Oh blimey, Ames, who's got you flowers?" Steven had just spotted a massive bouquet of lilies on the kitchen counter.

"Lee sent them to mum." Leah explained while Amy blushed.

"He's on a work trip and sent these." She tried to sound like it was no big deal but if Brendan knew anything about women he would say she was pretty impressed. Maybe it was things like these which had made her to fell for the guy, those few times Brendan had met him he had seemed like a funny little fella with tons of jokes but nothing too deep on him. "I was just about to put them on a vase, I was getting the stool out when I saw you coming."

"I'll get it." Brendan offered, as the vase she was pointing was on top of the shelf and neither she nor Steven wouldn't have been able to reach for it without any help. He stretched to get it when he heard Amy's gasp behind him. He turned with the vase on his hand. "Alright?"

"Yes, thank you." She quickly took the vase from him and turned to put the flowers in, avoiding Brendan's eyes. Steven looked bit embarrassed but shook his head when Brendan caught his eyes and opened his mouth to ask what was going on. Once the flowers were on their place Amy turned to the kids. "Right, you two, get your jackets and shoes!"

She left the kitchen to help them find their stuff, and Brendan leaned to Steven. "What was that about?"

"Nothing." Steven said but Brendan kept staring at him. "It was just, when you reached for that vase your shirt rose up from behind and there's... You know, from before."

Jesus. Brendan could feel the sting from Ste's scratches all over his back and bum but he had no idea what that would look like. He didn't have time to reply when the kids were on them, demanding them to move along too. Amy seemed to have collected herself and when she said her goodbyes she was back to normal, even when Brendan could have sworn there was something in her eyes when she looked at him.

Steven had promised the kids fifteen minutes on the swings in the park which was between their houses, and soon as the kids had sprung ahead Brendan used the opportunity to talk more privately.

"What do you think Amy's thinking about us now?"

"What do you mean? Oh because of the markings?" Steven quickly stroked his hand down Brendan's back. "Don't worry about it."

"It's just... I don't want her to think all sorts." Brendan knew Amy had her reserves towards him. She wasn't going to easily forget the way their relationship had started, and Brendan knew she had been worried he was taking advantages of Steven's situation. He hoped he had proved himself to her by now but he still felt like he had to be on his best behaviour with her.

"She won't. Okay, look. She knows that we like things rough, okay. She's not going to think badly of you because I have scratched your back."

"How does she know about it, eh?" Brendan watched Steven squirming with embarrassment. "Steven, how does she know?"

"She saw some bruises on me, okay. Ages ago. But she started to freak out and think all sorts so I had to tell her how I got them. She understood, I made sure she did. I much rather have her know bit too much about what we do in bed than have her think you're hurting me against my will." Steven looked at him. "Okay?"

"Alright." Brendan wasn't sure he was fully on with Steven's reasoning, but he guessed it made sense. He tried to be careful not to bite or bruise Steven on visible places but sometimes he got too lost with it, and it sounded possible that they had been too careless and Amy had seen the signs of his desire imprinted on Steven's skin.

It was surprisingly easy to get the kids away from the play sets now when they were eager to meet Declan and Paddy. When they walked the rest of the way Leah held on Brendan's hand and talked so much Brendan had hard time believing she wasn't biologically Steven's, she was so similar to him in many ways.

"...And I drew a picture about them in school during art class, but I forgot to take it with me now." She pouted.

"It's okay, sweetheart, you can show it to them tomorrow." Brendan comforted her,

"Why can't we sleep at your place today?" Leah asked.

"Because we don't have enough beds." Steven explained. "Paddy and Deccy will need places to sleep and they will borrow your beds for few nights or they have no where else to stay. But you'll see them today and tomorrow, yeah?"

Kids seemed to settle with that and soon after they had reached home Brendan had to leave for the airport.

"Drive safely." Steven kissed him for goodbye. "Love you, see you in a bit."

"Love you. And you kids better help your dad with the food, there will be three starving Irishmen coming back soon." Once in car Brendan called Cheryl to let her knew he was picking the lads up. She had been excited for their arrival but Brendan hadn't heard from her in few days. It took so long for her to pick up that Brendan almost hang up. "Chez? Is this a bad time?"

"No, no, I just left my phone on the other room. What's up?"

"Just on my way to pick the boys from the airport. We have the kids to stay over today but maybe we could pop around your place tomorrow so you could see them?"

"Oh gosh, they come today? I completely forgot, I have been so busy with everything! How about I'll come to yours this evening, just for a short while?"

"You're always welcomed but we can save you the drive and come around tomorrow." Brendan offered.

"No, my place is a mess right now, if you don't mind I'll come to yours later." There was something on her tone which made Brendan bit uneasy.

"Everything okay, Chez?"

"Yes, of course! I'm just, middle of all the planning and you know me, I never seem to be able to keep this place tidy, good luck for Nate for marrying me, eh?" Her tone was cheery but Brendan thought there was some edge on it too. Maybe she was nervous about the wedding plans, even when the date was still few month away. "Honestly I would love to get out for a few hours so you'd do me a great favour for having me for a cuppa tea."

"Alright. Come when ever it suits you. Is Nate around?" He could hear some faint noises on the background.

"Yeah, that's him. Listen, I better go, we're going for a lunch and you need to focus on driving, so I'll see you later, okay? Bye for now." She quickly ended the call. Brendan was bit stung, it was usually a task to get her end the call and now she didn't seem to finish it fast enough. But after Nate had dropped the question, probably after getting inspired from Brendan and Steven getting engaged, she had seemed even more all over the place than usual. She seemed determined to get married first, because she and Nate had been dating longer, as she had jokingly explained to Brendan, so it would be only fair to say "I do" first. Truth be told Steven and Brendan hadn't much talked about the wedding yet, only that neither of them wanted anything big and quick visit on magistrate would be enough, but they had decided to wait until Cheryl would have her big day.

Brendan reached the airport just when the boy's flight was supposed to land, and by the time he had made his way inside and found the right gate the lads were already coming through it as they only had their large back bags and no luggage's they would have had to wait for.

"Hi dad." Declan came in for a hug and Brendan kissed the top of his head.

"Alright? Good to have you here. Alright, Padraig?" He hugged Padraig too, and even when he didn't much reply to it he allowed his dad to held him for a while. Brendan tried not to feel too bummed about it – he knew that to Padraig he was almost a stranger, someone who he had hardly seen while growing up. Just to have him join Declan to come and visit them was good enough.

"Ste's not here?" Declan asked looking around.

"He's at home with the kids. They'll looking forward for seeing you two. And auntie Chez is coming to see you later too. You have everything? Wanna get on, then?" Brendan guided the boys through the mass of people and then trough the parking lot to his car. He and Declan got on the small talk, Brendan asking about the weather and the flight. "This is a new place for you, eh, Padraig, you've never been here before." He said once they were driving and Padraig was watching curiously from the car window.

"Mum finally though he would be old enough to travel with me." Declan explained, like Padraig's not visiting before was only because of his young age. "And even now she walked us to the gate, you should have heard her talking to the staff like we were babies, 'Please look after me boys' and all that. But we survived, didn't we, Paddy?"

"Yeah, it was fun. Are we close yet?" Padraig asked.

"About twenty minutes or so. There should be some food ready if you guys are hungry. So how's school and all?" Brendan desperately tried to keep the conversation flowing and thankfully Declan took care of the talking, telling him about his courses and after school hobbies and Padraig piped in few times too. Apparently he was very into music and played drums in the school band, but Eileen didn't let him get a set of his own because of the noises.

"Here we are, this is our neighbourhood." Brendan said when they finally reached their area. Boys were both looking around curiously, so far they had just heard about the place and seen pictures of their house but never seen it themselves. Brendan drove to their street and parked his car to his spot. "That's ours, on the left, the one with little tree on front."

"Cool." Declan said and they got out. "Looks nice. Bit smaller than ours but nice."

"Yeah, well, we don't need that much space when it's just the two of us." Brendan felt rush of jealousy towards Eileen and her new bloke, getting to keep the lads with them. "Wanna go in and meet Leah and Lucas?"

They walked to the front door and Brendan could hear the excited shrieks through the door before he opened it. Leah and Lucas rushed to meet them, but soon as they saw the boys behind Brendan they went all shy.

"Hey you two." Brendan greeted. "Wanna come say hi to the boys now?"

"Aw, bless, they have gone shy!" Steven had followed the kids from the kitchen. "They have been waiting you so eagerly. Hi Paddy, hi Deccy! So glad to see you again!" Steven gave both of them a quick hug. "You can leave your bags on the stairs for now, we can sort them later. So, this is Leah, and that's Lucas, come on, you've seen the boys on skype before, say hi." Steven stroked Lucas's hair when he was half hiding behind him.

"Hello." Leah said playing with her hair. "You're taller than in the computer."

"I guess I am, yeah." Declan smiled. "It's good to see you for real, now."

"We made you some lunch." Steven said. "Some vegetarian lasagne, if it's okay. Don't give me that look, Brendan, it's really good, trust me."

"Good thing I'm marrying a chef, eh, he can make even the rabbit food taste good." Brendan joked and Declan rolled his eyes. "Kitchen's that way."

"How was the flight?" Steven asked from Padraig when they made their way through the kitchen, and it didn't take long from him to get the boy talking. Brendan was amazed the way Steven was with the boys, just like he admired the way he was with his own kids. He knew how to talk to them and how to listen to them, and made it all seem so easy and natural. Brendan always felt like he was trying too much, but he did his best to learn from Steven's example.

During the lunch kids got over their shyness and then there was no stopping them, Leah kept asking all kind of questions from the lads and Declan was patient enough to reply. Lucas was chattering too but he was still so small that it took a lot of focus to try and follow his train of thoughts when he jumped from one subject to another.

"Can we show them our room?" Leah asked once they had finished eating.

"Of course you can. You can show which beds they get to borrow tonight and where to put their stuff." Steven smiled at her. "I'll come too and show you the bathroom and stuff."

"I'll clean away the plates." Brendan offered and Steven gave his bicep a quick squeeze before following the kids to upstairs. Brendan stuffed the plates in the washing machine, spent few minutes pondering how the hell it was supposed to go on and after he finally succeeded he went to the living room. He heard someone coming down the stairs and it was Declan who joined him.

"It's a nice house," He said again, "and the kids are fun."

"Glad you finally got to meet them."

"You have lot of photos." Declan had spotted the pictures they had spread on top of the fireplace and on their bookshelf. "This is the one we took while you came to Dublin. And... Dad, is that you?"

"Yeah." Brendan took the photo frame Declan was looking at and handed it to him. "I'm maybe five or six. And that's my ma holding me."

"Wow. I don't think I ever seen a photo of her." Declan studied the picture. It was old and bit unfocused but there were only two pictures of her that Brendan had. Steven had found them from one of the boxes after they had moved in and had suggested to get them framed. "Do you have any of granddad?"

"No." Brendan quickly wanted to change the subject. "Maybe we get one with you two and the kids tomorrow, yeah?"

"It's kinda weird to think they are my step-siblings." Declan put the picture back on the self. "Not bad weird but, you know. I kinda thought I'd only get ones if mum gets married and have babies, not that one day I'd have some which are already so big. But its cool." He threw a studying look for Brendan. "When are you getting married, then?"

"We haven't decided the date yet. We don't want anything fancy so... But I'll let you know if you'd... It would mean a lot if you'd like to come."

"Of course." Declan smiled. Then there were noises on the stairs when rest of the family came back down. Leah and Lucas wanted to play some game with the boys, and even when all their games were pretty childish the lads did a good job showing some excitement while playing them.

It was around four when Brendan's phone rang and it was Cheryl.

"I'm close of your neighbourhood and thought I could drop by now, if it's okay?"

"Sure. We'll be here, the kids are too still, before we need to get them to their mum, but you get to see them all now."

Five minutes later there was knock on the door and Brendan went to let her in. She looked bit flushed like she had been rushing.

"You alone?" Brendan kissed her cheek. "No Nate?"

"Oh, no, he's at home, you already have a full house so... Where are my boys?" She went to the living room and all four kids were excited to see her. There was lot of hugging and talking, and Brendan escaped to the kitchen to make some tea. She followed him few minutes later.

"They seem to come along well. You must be so pleased."

"I am, yeah, I think part of me was fearing the worst but it's been going really well so far. Want some tea?"

"Yes please." She took the mug from him and there it was again, some sort of distance in her in the way she kept staring the tea.

"You okay Chez?" Brendan asked and she gave him a thin smile.

"I am, just so much on my head right now."

"Is there anything I can do?" Brendan stroked her arm.

"Thanks but..." She took a deep breath. "I, I think I'm pregnant." She said in a whisper.

"What? Chez, that's great!" Brendan gave her a one armed hug, careful not to spill the hot tea.

"I did the test and it was positive but it's still so soon and I'm really worried something goes wrong and -"

"Does Nate know?"

"Yes, I told him yesterday. But him and you are the only ones, please don't tell anyone yet, not even Ste. I would hate to see people's pity if I'm mistaken or something goes wrong." She looked stressed.

"I won't. But I'm sure everything will be fine. Chez, I'm so happy for you." Brendan kissed her forehead and she finally smiled.

"I try not to be too excited but it's kinda massive, isn't it? I'm having doctors appointment on Monday and I'm trying to keep it toned down till then." She looked like she would burst. "Maybe your lot will have a little cousin soon!"

"Auntie Chez!" Paddy called from the living room and her smile grew wider.

"Better go and see what they're on about now."

They went to the living room and Declan and Paddy were showing some photos and videos from their phone to the kids and Steven, and there was something they wanted Cheryl to see too. Brendan leaned on the door frame and watched his family all bundled up together, smiling and laughing.

Steven smiled at him and then made his way to his side.

"Alright?" He asked quietly and Brendan threw his arm around Steven's shoulders, pulling him closer.

"Everything's perfect."

::::::

Cheryl left them when it was time to get the kids back to Amy's, promising she would try and make time to come in for a dinner the next day with Nate. The lads wanted to see the neighbourhood and have some fresh air, so they all got their jackets and headed out. The kids were excited to show their brothers the parks and playgrounds they walked past, and they stopped at Amy's long enough for them to show off their room and Leah could give her drawings for the boys.

"They seem like nice kids." Amy said to Ste while they listened the happy chatter from the kids room.

"They are, yeah, it's great to have them and them all to get to know each other." Ste felt like he hadn't stopped smiling all day. Then Brendan came in the kitchen. "Should we get going then, the lads can't stay up very late either, can they?"

"Deccy can stay up a bit longer but I think Paddy needs to get in bed too in few hours. And they must me tired from all the... I go and get them." Brendan disappeared to inform them that it was time to go.

"Listen, Amy, about the morning..." Ste started but she was already shaking her head.

"No, don't, it's not my business what you do." Neither of them had touched the subject they had talked during their night off weeks ago, and Ste wasn't sure how much Amy remembered from that night – his own memory was bit foggy but he still knew he had said more than enough. Sometimes he had caught Amy looking at them with curious expression on her face or seen her throwing glances towards Brendan's groin when he was standing or sitting in that way of his which practically inviting people to look there. She always seemed embarrassed from looking and quickly turned her attention towards something else, and Ste could remember her shocked face when she had learned the whole might of Brendan's size.

"Okay." He nudged her arm and they looked at each other, like two school kid with shared secret.

"Alright?" Brendan had come back with the boys and Steven said his goodbyes to Amy and the kids.

They took another route back to show more about the area for the boys, and once back in it seemed they were all still pretty full up of the lasagne so Ste warmed some soup and made grilled toasts to go with it. The lads were clearly tired, and they watched some telly after the dinner before Paddy asked if he could have a bath before bed. Ste went to show him how the tub worked and left him to it, and found Declan and Brendan talking about some old film they had found from the telly.

"Actually, Deccy, I was wondering would you be more comfortable on the sofa?" Ste asked during the commercial break. "I mean I didn't thought properly how tall you are, Leah's bed might be a bit of a squeeze for ya."

"He has the Brady genes, eh." Brendan ruffled his hair. "We are all tall ones."

"I think the sofa might be better," Declan admitted.

"We better get the beddings before Paddy goes to sleep, and say him goodnight at the same time." Paddy was already getting to bed when Ste and Brendan got up. "Alright Pad, got everything you need? Just give us a call if you need us, okay? Sleep tight, see you in the morning."

"Good night, Padraig." Brendan gave him a quick hug and they left the door on a crack when they left him be. Ste touched his back.

"You are doing great." He whispered and Brendan kissed him softly before they went down to Declan.

They didn't stay up long, just finished the movie and then made the bed for Deccy on the sofa, got back upstairs and took their turns in the bathroom before cuddling together in bed.

"How is it, having them both here?" Ste asked quietly when they laid facing each other.

"It's good. Of course there's still... I used to be a bad father, always away so I know that will be there, me leaving them and I just have to try and make up for it."

"You do. I have seen you, you try so hard, and they can see it too." Ste stroked his beard. "You are here for them now, that's what matters."

Brendan leaned to kiss him, and they went on and on, sucking each others tongues, getting filled by their man's taste. Ste was still feeling sore from before, but he couldn't help how much he wanted Brendan when they were like this. He didn't try anything because he knew what Brendan was like when they were other people staying, but it seemed Brendan needed the comfort from him just as much. He scrambled on top of Ste and pressed their groins together.

"You gotta be quiet, okay?" And then he leaned down to kiss him and swallow any noises Ste was making. He could feel Brendan's hand sliding in his boxers and pulling his dick out, and then Brendan's cock pressed against it when Brendan took them both in his hand and rubbed them together. He broke the kiss just enough to spit on his palm before returning to stroke them both with spit as lubrication.

Ste tried his best to stay silent, his hands were on Brendan's hair to pull his face closer so he could keep on kissing him while Brendan wanked them off. They were both panting hard and Ste could feel his orgasm building up, so he buried his face against Brendan's neck and bit down there, right next to the marking he had left there this morning and groaned against his skin when he came. Brendan's hand got faster and Ste had to look down to see him coming over Ste's belly with a shaky breath.

Brendan wiped Ste clean and then manhandled him so his back was against Brendan's belly when he spooned him. "I love you." He breathed on Ste's skin and Ste said it back, and it didn't took long for him to fall asleep, feeling safe and protected inside Brendan's arms.

They had a massive breakfast in the next morning and Ste loved listening the Irish accent flowing around when the lads talked about school and stuff. Boys wanted to see the town, so they had few hours there before getting the kids from Amy's on their way back. After lunch they headed out again, to an action park which had opened recently. They had to take the bus because not all of them would have fitted in the car, specially with the kid's seats, but everything went smoothly. There was a short trail for Leah and Lucas who were too small for most of the tracks, and Ste rather stayed on the ground watching when the bigger boys and Brendan were getting on higher on the trees. Everyone seemed to enjoy their stay and Ste's heart felt like bursting with joy when he saw Brendan looking so happy and relaxed around the kids.

Cheryl called while they were on the bus on their way home and apologised for being too busy to make it for the dinner, but Brendan didn't seem too bothered with that. Once home they all took part of making the dinner, even if was nothing more like than Lucas washing the spuds, but it still made Ste feel like they were one big family working together. Amy came in for the meal before taking the kids back, and they had lovely dinner.

Kids were sad when it was time for them to leave knowing the boys would be flying away the next day.

"We'll come see you again." Declan promised. "During summer when it's school holidays, we could stay longer then. And we can skype, just like before."

It seemed to settle them, even when Leah did weep a bit during her last hugs.

"They are such great kids." Declan said once they were gone. "Aren't they, Pad?"

"Yeah. They are funny."

"And it's good they now have two big brothers like you two, looking after them." Ste praised them and Paddy looked pleased with that.

They chilled in front of the telly again until it was time for Paddy to hit the bed, and Declan was yawning too so Ste and Brendan left him to get settled in for a night soon after. It was bit too early for them to get to sleep, when they had got used to stay up late because of working hours. Brendan pulled out one of the books he was reading and made himself comfortable in bed.

"Read for me." Ste leaned against his shoulder.

"Do you even know what book this is?"

"No. I just like to listen to you, don't I."

Brendan gave him a soft smile. "Okay." He settled better against the pillow, threw his other arm around Ste and started to read out loud while his hand drew circles between Ste's shoulder blades. It didn't take long for that movement and his low voice to send Ste to sleep against his chest. He woke up briefly in middle of the night, when they had shifted their positions and Brendan was on his other side now, Ste's arm thrown over him. Ste moved so he could better settle himself against Brendan's back, sneaked his arm under his so he could rest his hand against Brendan's chest and feel his heartbeat before falling back to sleep.

There was some quietness in the Brady bunch during the breakfast, the reality of boys leaving hitting them all and Ste did his best to keep the mood light. They didn't have much time before they would have to leave to the airport, so they just chilled the morning. Ste had decided he wouldn't go with them to give Brendan some time alone with his boys. He used work as an excuse, because he needed to go and get some increments from the stores for the evening. He said his goodbyes, gave the boys a hug and waved them off, before getting his stuff and jumping on a bus.

He had gone through the stores and found almost everything he needed, when he suddenly spotted someone familiar looking hanging near the entrance of an pharmacy.

"Chez!" He called and walked towards her. "Hi, nice to bump into you in here!"

"Ste, hi." She looked bit startled and looked around quickly. "Bren's not with you, is he?"

"No, he went to take the boys to the airport. Why? Chez, what is it?" Ste couldn't help noticing how pale she looked, and the nervous way she kept glancing around.

"Nothing, it's just -" And then there was a man Ste had never seen before coming through the pharmacy doors, holding a bag and walking straight to Cheryl.

"Here we are, finally got my pills, the wait was ridiculous. Oh, hello." The man looked Ste curiously. He had a grey hair and some stubble on his face, and a heavy Irish accent. "Friends of yours, Cheryl?"

"Yes, he is. This is Ste, he's my mate." Cheryl seemed to wish the ground would swallow her. "Ste, this is Seamus, my dad."


	2. Chapter 2

"Your dad?" Ste wasn't able to hide his surprise. "Brendan never mentioned anything of you being here."

"Oh you know my son as well, then? It seems he's too busy to come and see his old man, Cheryl has been trying to contact him." Seamus gave a warm smile to his daughter, but Ste could see how uncomfortable she was feeling when her smile dropped soon as Seamus turned his attention back to him. "How do you know my son?"

Cheryl's eyes were pleading when he looked Ste past his dad, like begging him not to say too much. "We... we work together." Ste said. He had no idea what was going on but it seemed that Seamus was oblivious about him and Brendan living together, and Ste wasn't going to out him to this man. Brendan hadn't talked much about his dad but Ste knew enough – the beatings, the emotional abuse he had put Brendan through while he was a kid. Seamus was giving Ste pleasant smile but the hairs on back of Ste's neck were standing like he could sense the danger even when wasn't seeing it.

"Really now? And what does that son of mine do these days?"

"He's my... business partner. We own a place together." There was a cold sweat running down Ste's neck. He felt trapped, like every answer he gave would throw Brendan in danger but Seamus seemed too intrigued now to allow Ste exit.

"Yes, dad, Ste is a amazing chef, he does the best foods in town." Cheryl was clearly thinking the same, trying to take the subject away from Brendan but it didn't quite work.

"And what does Brendan has to do with food?" Seamus laughed. "He knows nothing else than how to eat it."

"He's the manager." Ste was aware of the edge on his voice. "He runs everything while I cook."

"And where is this place of yours? Cheryl has never mentioned it, but it now seems like we need to come and visit it one day, if that's the only way I can meet my son." Seamus smiled at Cheryl again, who gave him the fakest smile Ste had ever seen.

"Listen, daddy, why don't you go ahead for the car, I'll have something I need to talk with Ste so I'll catch up in just a minute."

"Alright, darling." He reached his hand for Ste who hesitated for a second before shaking it. "It was pleasure to meet you, Steven."

"Call me Ste." He couldn't stand hearing that coming from the man who had hurt the person Ste loved the most. Seamus gave them a last smile before starting to walk down the street. Soon as he was out from hearing distance Cheryl grabbed Ste's arm.

"Oh, God, Ste, I'm so, so sorry! How are we going to tell Brendan about this?"

"He doesn't know?"

"Of course he doesn't know! I didn't want him here, I swear, ever since Brendan told me what he used to... But he called me one day, and I told him about the engagement because he's still my dad, and next thing I knew he was behind my door saying he wants to stay with me until the wedding. I have been trying to keep him from Bren but if dad now wants to come to your place I don't know how to stop him!" She looked ready to cry. "What am I going to do?"

"You haven't told him that me and Brendan live together?" Ste had to make that clear. "How do you think he'll react to that?"

"Well, he doesn't even know Brendan's gay. I know," she sighed when he saw the look on Ste's face, "They haven't talked to each other in years, and now when I know why I'm not surprised. I know dad has his thoughts and learning his only son is gay... But he will, won't he, if he's going to hang around, I can't hide things from him for ever."

"We have to tell Brendan, to give him the heads up."

"I know." Cheryl groaned. "Listen, I'll call him later, okay, and tell him dad's here. Can you keep this to yourself till then, please?"

"I don't want to lie to him." Ste hated the idea of not telling him, but he hated the idea of Brendan getting stressed after the good mood he had been. "Call him tomorrow, yeah? You're not coming to to eat in our place tonight, won't you, so he can have one last night before we drop the bomb."

"We already have plans for tonight. I'll call him first thing tomorrow and break it in. Ste, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." Still, Ste couldn't help but thinking how Cheryl could just tell Seamus to fuck off. She seemed to sense his thoughts.

"I know he's been awful to Bren but he's still my dad and it's hard to believe he's a man who's done all those things Brendan says... I do believe him, of course I do, but still it's... It's hard."

"I know. Let's just try to get this sorted. I'll be there for Bren when you tell him, and help him how ever I can." Ste was determined not to let this ruin their happiness. Cheryl smiled at him.

"I'm so happy he has you now. Listen, I better go before he gets suspicious. I'll be in touch."

"Bye." Ste watched her go, and then he tried to focus on finishing his shopping before getting back home. It was hard though, when all his thoughts were revolving around the man he had just seen, and trying to think how Brendan would react when he would hear his dad was in town.

He tried to remember his own reactions when he had bumped into Terry after he had moved out and had lived with Amy. He had been angry and scared. Somehow seeing the man who had been horrible towards him always threw Ste back to those days when he used to be small and helpless. He had been on the edge after that, taking it on Amy and being horrible towards her.

Ste knew Brendan's temper. He had seen glimpses of Brendan's anger when someone had threatened Ste. Ste wasn't afraid of him, but he was afraid he might do something to Seamus while being angry which would lead into troubles.

Ste's was on the bus, staring out from the window without seeing anything, when his phone buzzed.

 _Home. You back soon?_

 _Almost there x_

When Ste let himself in to their apartment he found Brendan in the kitchen warming up the leftover lasagne for them. Ste dropped the bags on the table and slotted himself against Brendan's chest.

"How was it? Are you okay?"

"I'm good. It was sad to see them go, but they can come again, can't they?" Brendan held him lightly. "And it's good to have the place for ourselves again."

"Yeah?" Ste smiled at him. "We'll need to make the most of it after work."

"Mmh." Brendan gave him a squeeze. "Ready to get back to normal?"

"I am, yeah. And we can start have our nights off regularly now, when things are running smoothly in Baile."

"Things are looking pretty good, don't they." Brendan looked him in the way that said he meant so much more than just the club. Ste was determined to keep him this settled and happy in the future too, Seamus Brady being dammed.

He pressed himself closer to Brendan, nuzzled the hairs growing on his throat, breathed in the scent of him. How ever Brendan would react, what ever Seamus's presence might bring up, Ste wouldn't let it take this away from him.

::::::

Everything seemed to gone well in the club during the two nights Brendan and Steven were away. Brendan went over the paperwork, made few orders for more alcohol and checked the payroll was up the speed. He was just about done when there was a knock on the office door and Anne sailed in without waiting Brendan to call her in.

"Oh good, you're here! I wanted to talk to you about Riley's managers birthday party and the arrangement towards that. Do you think we could get in a band?"

"You're the bloody party organiser." Brendan leaned back on his chair and had a stretch. "As long as you arrange it and make sure we get more profit than lose money for it, you can get what ever you want."

"Don't get all excited about it." Anne smiled and sat on the edge of the table. "I meant do we have a license for it? Do we even need one? Oh I'm so confused with all these rules and regulations!"

"You wanted in, Anne, so you must learn, I'm not gonna do your job for you." Brendan opened one of the drawers and pulled out a black file. "Here's all the licenses we have, work them out yourself."

"Thank you, I will. Well then, how was it with the boys? Did you enjoy having tiny Brady's in the house?" She tilted her head and reminded Brendan of some small, cheerful bird.

"It was great, yeah. It was a short visit, but they got to see the new place and meet the kids, so when they come for a longer stay it won't be that weird anymore."

"I'm glad to hear. And few days off must have done you two good anyways, and I'm happy to inform everything was extremely well in here."

"I saw the log. Thanks for not changing this to any of those shiny nightclubs you like while we were away." Brendan had to admit that giving Anne a chance to work with them had been a good move. She was a fast learner and was already helping Brendan with admin stuff, and not just focusing on PR or what ever the fuck it was what she was doing. The advertising and her connections had lured in some high profile customers, which created more buzz on the regular people who came in hopes of spotting a celebrity while having a bite to eat.

"My pleasure." She looked very pleased at herself. "There's a nice amount of customers today, I bet Ste's very busy in the kitchen and there's many who have just come in for drinks."

"I was just about to get behind the bar while you came in." It kept Brendan busy and gave him the chance to keep an eye of the crowd in case there were any troubles. "I'll leave you with your homework."

"If I don't come out in an hour I have been killed by the paper work." Anne sighed as she started to flip through the papers. Brendan left her do her search and made his way to the bar area on their first floor.

What they had created wasn't as busy and noisy as a regular bar, but not as fancy sit on meals place either. They had two floors but the place still wasn't too big; Upstairs they had set of tables, which so far had been booked full almost every day, placed bit further from the bar desk and where people could sit down for bigger meals. Downstairs they had bit smaller, high tables with bar stools for those who just dropped in and wanted to sit down, and there was selection of fancy bar snacks on Steven's menu which were easy to eat while drinking and talking. Downstairs also had some space for people to maybe have a dance in later hours, where as upstairs was more suitable for those who wanted to sit down for meetups or just needed to chill. The music was toned down so people could actually hear what they were saying, but for the last few hours of the night the levels were risen up a bit to encourage people to get more drinks in. Brendan liked it, it wasn't like the nightclub hell's he had been working before, but something for those with more calmer taste which instantly left out the most noisiest customers.

He worked behind the bar for some time, talked with the casuals and served the drinks, and when it was time for his break he went to see Steven in his kitchen which was located on the upper floor just like their office was. He was busy making the dishes, but he magically pulled out a plate of food for Brendan to have and they chatted while he ate. Brendan loved watching Steven work, he moved so effortlessly and it all was like some strange dance when he moved around his little kingdom and created the foods for the customers. There was that familiar rush of want in Brendan's belly, and he could hardly wait for them to get back home.

They closed around midnight during the week and at two on Fridays and Saturdays to get few more hours worth of money from the drinks even when kitchen closed at midnight. It wasn't too bad once the last customers were out and the place was usually very fast to clear up so everyone could get home soon after. Brendan made sure the staff got off safely and then he and Steven had a quick drive home. Steven had some leftover snacks in a tinfoil.

"Here, you can warm these up if you are still hungry. I wanna take a quick bath before bed." He put the food on the counter and then took a hold of Brendan's shirt, and the kiss he gave him was long and sensual, sucking Brendan's tongue in a way that left him want more. When Steven pulled back he had a knowing look in his eyes. "See you upstairs."

Brendan tried to come up with some chores, but after he had emptied the dishwasher he had hard time focusing on anything else than the water sounds coming from the bathroom. He got upstairs and when he entered their bedroom he saw that Steven had already unmade the bed and left the red silk scarf and the lube on Brendan's pillow.

He got undressed and then he waited. When Steven finally came from the bathroom he was naked too, just wearing a towel on his waist. He hadn't washed his hair, but his skin was gleaming from the water and the oils he used in the bath. He stopped at the door and looked at Brendan, biting his lip, eyes dark.

"Come here, Steven."

Brendan could see the rise of his chest when he was breathing quickly as he slowly walked towards him. He stopped right in front of him, and Brendan slowly reached to untie the towel and let it drop on the floor. When he looked down he saw Steven was already getting hard, just like he was. Brendan leaned as close as he could without touching him, let his lips hover above his and he could feel Steven's desperation to get kissed.

"Get on the bed."

Most of the times he was the one to put Steven on positions, on his belly or all fours or on his back, but sometimes, like now, he let Steven to decide which way he wanted to be taken. Steven crawled on middle of the bed and then laid down on to his belly and crossed his arms behind his back. Brendan knelt next to him and slowly tied his wrists together. Once he was done he checked that the ties weren't too tight, and in the end it was about the illusion of Steven being trapped which made him excited, when he probably could have wiggled himself free if he tried enough. Brendan turned him over and could see him getting harder already just from being tied. His body was arching up nicely from the way his hands were trapped behind him, the angle revealing his ribs slightly and making him look even skinnier than he really was.

Brendan took hold of Steven's chin and tilted his face, and Steven was instantly eagerly opening his mouth when Brendan leaned closer. He didn't kiss him, but instead teased, licked Steven's lips and the tip of his tongue which came out to meet his. He slid his hand down to held Steven's throat and the keen noises started to escape from him, as his whole body was trembling already from the anticipation. Brendan grinned and finally crushed their mouths together. He slid his hand further down until he found Steven's nipple, and rubbed it roughly with his thumb while kissing him deep and hard.

When he pulled back Steven was panting and arching up from the bed, desperate for more. Brendan shifted downwards, licked his way down Steven's throat to his chest. He nuzzled the small patch of hair Steven had on there before taking hold of Steven's balls while he started to suck and bite his nipples. When he was sure he had left a marking on one he kissed his way to the other, all the while rubbing Steven's balls on his palm and stroking fingers down his perineum to his hole. Steven was moaning loudly, and Brendan pressed his groin against Steven's hip so he could feel how hard he was for him. Once Brendan was satisfied with the markings he had left on Steven's chest he started to inch his way down, kissing his belly but Steven seemed too desperate for long foreplay.

"Brendan, please, I need it now."

There were times when Brendan continued to torment him sweetly for ages before giving him what he wanted and despite his begging Steven loved it, but there was something in his voice now which indicated he truly needed to get fucked right now, hard. Brendan knelt up reaching for the lube, and Steven was watching him hungrily as he coated his dick with it. He stroked his lubed fingers across Steven's hole and then pushed straight in with two fingers, and after a few thrusts he slipped in the third one. Steven's head snapped back and he let out a gasping noise.

"Brendan."

He pulled his fingers out and twisted bottom half of Steven's body to sideways, pushing his thigh up to reveal his hole. Steven tried to crane his head up, wanting to see Brendan push in. He positioned himself against Steven's entrance and slowly started to fill him up. It was mesmerising, see himself slowly disappearing inside Steven's body and it felt impossible that he fit in there. Brendan remembered the first time he had fucked him and how worried he had been of hurting him but it felt like Steven was made for him – skinny as he was he had no troubles for have Brendan fully in him and if there was some pain he seemed to enjoy it. He was now gasping for air, his body relaxing around Brendan as he inched his way deeper to the tight squeeze. He held Steven's thigh to have the leverage and pushed in hard the remaining inches so he was fully inside. Steven's head fell back down and he let out a cry, and then he was full cries and screams when Brendan started to fuck him the way he wanted.

With this speed neither of them would last long, so Brendan made sure to hammer Steven's prostate with every push. His other hand was squeezing Steven's thigh and the other his waist so hard it would bruise and Steven's screams just spurred him on to go harder on him. It killed him to know he hadn't been Steven's first, that someone like Noah had had his hands on him before him, but seeing Steven like this, completely lost in his pleasures and greedily wanting what Brendan was giving him made it up. When Steven's whole body was shaking underneath him, tears running down his eyes and broken moans escaping from his mouth while Brendan rubbed his sweet spot Brendan knew no one else could make him feel like he did. Then Steven opened his eyes and looked at him as he was coming, his body squeezing in waves, forcing Brendan to empty himself inside him. He let go of his thigh and leaned forward, one hand lightly on Steven's throat and the other pressing on the mattress for support and kept on moving his hips. Steven's screams vibrated against his lips as he leaned their foreheads together for the few last push. Then he was kissing him, on and on until they both stopped shaking.

He cradled Steven's head in his hands. "I love you."

Steven didn't seem to be able to answer while he still struggled to get his breath back, but there was nothing than pure satisfaction on his face. Brendan gave him a one last kiss before slowly pulling out. He saw Steven flinch, so he took some wipes from the nightstand and slowly and carefully cleaned his bum, wiped himself clean and then released Steven's arms.

Steven cuddled up soon as Brendan had turned off the lights and was on his place, and it felt like he wanted to say something but changed his mind in the last minute.

"What?" Brendan asked. "Are you okay, Steven, what is it?" He needed to know was it something he had done what was troubling him, if he had been too rough after all.

"Nothing. It's just, I love you so much." Steven stroked his face and in the dim light of the room Brendan could see Steven looking at him. "You're everything to me, everything. Sometimes it scares me how much I need you, need you to be okay. And it scares me to thing something would happen to -"

"Steven." Brendan pulled him closer. "You know I feel the same, yeah? I'll promise you, nothing's gonna change that, okay?"

"Yeah." Steven kissed him, and then settled his head underneath Brendan's chin. Brendan listened Steven's breathing slowing down, and his steady puffs were so calming that he too dropped off soon after.

He woke up early the next day, full of energy like he always did after a good night fuck. Steven was still fast asleep when Brendan quietly got out from the bed and changed into his running gears, and when he came to get his phone from the nightstand Steven had already taken over his side of the bed. He stirred a bit when Brendan was so close, so he leaned down to kiss Steven's cheek quickly and softly.

"Going for a run. See you in a bit."

Steven was still more sleep than awake, and his waking up sighs and expressions were fascinating to watch. Brendan had to tore himself out from the room or otherwise he would have crawled back to bed so he could keep on looking at him.

The run around the park was just what he needed to get his pulse up and muscles warm. It was raining a bit, but he was used to it and Brendan's thoughts were on a nice hot shower and a cup of warm coffee, and maybe if Steven still wasn't up when he got back Brendan could have give him a blowjob before everything else. He might give him one regardless him being up.

Brendan was slowly jogging back towards home when his phone started to buzz in his pocket. He thought it might be Steven, asking him to pick up milk or something from the shops, but instead it was Cheryl's name he saw on the screen. He slowed down for a walk while answering.

"Hey sis, what's up?"

"Oh good, you're up, soon as I dialled I worried it's still too soon and you'd be in bed."

She was rambling which made Brendan nervous. "Everything okay? You had your doctors appointment yet?"

"No, it's later on the afternoon. It's not why I called. Where are you?"

"At the park, on my way home. Why? Chez, what is it?"

"Okay. Try not to freak out, okay? But it's... It's dad."

Brendan's throat went dry. "What about him?"

"He's here." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Here?" Brendan repeated. "As in..."

"Staying with me." She said nothing in a long time and neither did Brendan. "Are you still there?"

"How long has he... Why? When?"

"Few days ago. Before the lads came in, that's why I didn't want you to come here because of... Oh, babe, I didn't want him to come, I swear!"

"Then why did he? Why would he come if you didn't invite him?" Brendan was aware he was shouting and forced his voice down. "I just don't get it Chez, why would he-"

"He called and I told him me and Nate got engaged, and then he just appeared out of nowhere! And I couldn't throw him out, he's me dad, Bren, I know he's been awful to you but I-"

"Okay, well, keep him away from me, yeah, don't let him know where I live." There was a long silence. "Chez? You haven't told him, have you?"

"I'm so sorry." She sounded like she was crying and Brendan felt tore, he wanted to comfort his little sister but he was also furious about that man being back and so close of him. "I didn't mean to. But he kept asking and he knows where you work now, and he wants us to come and visit Baile. And I don't know how to stop him! And maybe if it would be best if we could meet you in somewhere else, come to yours or -"

"No." Brendan spit the word out. "I don't want that man on my home or near Steven. Chez, I have told you what he was like, I can't believe your done this to me."

"Bren, love, I'm so sorry, but maybe it's different now when you're all grown up and you two could -"

"No." He repeated. "I gotta go now." He ended the call and resumed his walk. His thoughts were a mess, just hearing that Seamus was in the same town brought back all the memories, the shame, the guilt. He hardly paid any attention where he was going, but it seemed his heart knew the way anyway because he soon was standing in front of their house. Brendan tried to calm himself down. He didn't want to take this to Steven. The thought of him eased the storm inside Brendan's mind a little.

"Good timing, the coffee is just done!" Steven greeted him from the kitchen when Brendan let himself in. Soon as Brendan made his way in there Steven gave him with a quick brush of lips against his. "Morning. Brendan? You okay?"

Brendan had pushed past him, got a glass and filled it with water. He drank it all at one go, filled it again and drank half of it. He was aware he was shaking a bit.

"Cheryl called. She told that my... That Seamus is staying with her." He couldn't look at Steven but he could tell he was looking at him, still, careful.

"How does that make you feel?"

"How do you fucking think it makes me feel?" Brendan threw a quick glance towards him but had to look away because he couldn't stand the worry he was seeing in Steven's eyes. "I don't want him near me, ever, but it seems like my sweet sister has been blabbing her mouth and he now knows where I work and wants to come and visit."

Brendan heard Steven swallow and when he spoke his voice was quiet but steady. "It wasn't Cheryl. It was me."

"What?" Brendan had to look at him now. "You told – Steven, have you met him?"

"I run into them yesterday." Steven sounded calm but Brendan could see he was tense. "He kept asking who I was and how I knew you and Cheryl, and I didn't know what else to say so I said we are business partners. So he knows you work in town because of me."

"For fuck's sake, Steven!" Brendan couldn't believe this. "You of all people should know not to tell him anything!"

"I'm sorry, but he got me surprised. I had to tell him something, didn't I?"

"You should have lied then!" Brendan realised he was shouting from the way Steven flinched, but then he took a step closer to him.

"We can work this out together, yeah, how to deal with this -"

"I don't want to deal with this! I don't want that man near me but now he knows how to find me because you couldn't keep your mouth shut!"

There was a sound of glass breaking. Steven's eyes were wide saucers as he stood frozen, like he was too scared to move. Brendan looked down and there were pieces of glass everywhere around kitchen floor and his hand was empty.

He took a sharp breath and then it felt like his whole world was collapsing. "I'm sorry, Steven, I'm sorry." He couldn't look at him, see the disgust and fear in his eyes, but instead he crouched down and started to pick up the shards. "I'm sorry, I'll..."

"Here." Steven crouched next to him, opened the cupboard under the sink and got out the small dustpan which they kept there. "Mind your fingers." He started to brush the shards, carefully not to cut himself on the sharp edges.

Brendan still couldn't look at his face. "Steven, I'm sorry."

"I know." Steven quickly touched his knee. "Do you wanna get a shower? I'll get this cleaned and then we can talk."

"Okay." He rose up and edged his way out, careful not to spread the glass any further with his feet.

The water was cold at first when it hit his back, before it got warm and he turned it up so it was almost burning him. Smashing the glass had made him snap out from the anger and left him with shame for losing it. It scared him, how easily he seemed to become that person he had tried so hard not to be. Therapy had helped him to control his anger and deal with things that caused the problem in the first place, and meeting Steven had made him so glad he had got help. Somehow he couldn't see Steven falling for the mess he had been before. The thought of Steven being afraid of him, of him thinking Brendan wasn't the man he loved after all scared him more than anything else ever had.

After getting dressed he carefully made his way back down. Steven was in the kitchen, but the glass had all been cleared out. Brendan still wasn't able to look at him in the eye.

"Coffee's still hot if you want some." Steven talked like nothing had happened, but Brendan could sense certain carefulness on him. "I can bring you one, if you want to sit on the couch."

"Okay. Thank you." He went and did as Steven had suggested, and he soon followed carrying two mugs which he placed on the coffee table before sitting next to Brendan. Brendan had expected him to stay as far away from him as possible, but instead Steven was so close that their knees touched. They both reached for their coffees and after taking a sip Brendan put it back down. "I'm sorry I shouted at you. And that I broke the glass. I'm... I don't handle it well when it's about Seamus."

"It's okay. I get it." Again Steven briefly touched Brendan's knee and he was aware of Steven looking at him. "I wasn't scared, it's just, for a second it reminded me of my step-dad, how he used to get before he hit me."

"I would never hurt you, Steven, never." Of course Brendan's behaviour would bring back memories Steven tried to forget. Another rush of guilt washed over him and he forced himself to look Steven in the eye to show he meant it. "On my life, Steven, you don't have to be afraid of me."

"I wasn't." Steven reached his face and even when Brendan tried to pull away Steven didn't let him, but instead made him look at him. "I'm not afraid of you. And I am sorry that I told Seamus about the work. But listen, we need to figure out what we do now. I'll do what ever you want."

"You don't have to say sorry. He would have found it out sooner or later. It's... I just want to get rid of him."

"I know. I know." Steven pulled him closer and Brendan allowed himself to be held, just for moment before it all was too overwhelming and he had to pull back. There was still so much Steven didn't know and the thought of telling him was too scary. "Brendan, tell me what you need, is there something I can do?"

The amount of love in Steven's eyes was too much. Brendan got up. "I need to go out for a while."

"You just got in. Brendan -" Steven got up too.

"Listen, Steven, I need to, I need to get my thoughts in line, okay. I'm not mad at you, I just need to..." He made his way to the door. Steven followed him.

"Are you coming back?" Brendan hated the worry in his voice.

"Of course I will." He took hold of Steven's head and kissed his forehead. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too."

Brendan left before Steven had the chance to say anything else.

He didn't know where he was going, he just needed to walk. Before he realised he had made his way to Baile, and even when it was hours before opening time Brendan circled to the back door to let himself in.

To his surprise the alarm was off. Brendan quietly made his way upstairs and scared Anne who was sitting in one of the couches, piles of papers and files in front of her on the table.

"Jesus, Brendan, put a bell on your neck!" She took a steadying breath with a hand on her chest.

"What are you doing here this early?"

"Came to check some of these notifications which I forgot to do last night." She looked younger without her usual make-up and fancy dress. Her hair was on a bun and she was wearing a hoodie and jeans like any common mortal. "Why are _you_ here?"

Brendan had sat next to her and flipped through a bunch of papers but Anne took them from him.

"Brendan? Is everything okay?"

"Mm, yeah, it's..." He took a breath. "No. My dad is in town. Staying with Cheryl."

"Seamus is here? Oh Brendan." She looked horrified. "What are you going to do?"

"There's not much I can do, is there? I can't go to my sisters and throw him out. Apparently he's interested of coming to see this place and can't really stop that either, unless I barren him."

"That could work." She gave him a smile and Brendan smiled back, just briefly. "Does Ste know?"

"Yeah he saw him and Cheryl in town yesterday."

"Does Seamus know about you two?"

"Don't think so. Steven hadn't said anything so unless Cheryl has blabbed then no, I think he has no idea." Brendan leaned against the backrest and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know what to do, Anne. I lost it earlier, when I heard he was here I got so angry and... I'm afraid what I might do."

"I assume Ste knows about what he's done to you?" Anne looked at him carefully. Brendan swallowed.

"He knows enough."

"Not about the..."

"No." His voice was catching on his throat and he cleared it. "No, not everything."

"Okay." Anne rested her hand on Brendan's knee. Brendan knew she was thinking what he had told her years ago, one night when he had been a drunken mess on her floor, pouring out his darkest secrets. He had expected to regret it the next day but instead after sobering up he had felt relieved that someone else knew. "I think you should tell him."

"I can't." Brendan shook his head. "If he starts to pity me or... If he doesn't look at me the same way anymore, I can't, Anne, I can't lose him. He's everything."

"It won't change his opinion about you, I know it won't. I have seen the way he looks at you. Brendan, he loves you so much." Anne tried to look at him. "It's your choice to make and you decide who knows, but I think he deserves to know. He deserves to know all of you, if you just let him."

She was right, Brendan knew that. He had never been this close to anyone as he was with Steven, yet there were so many things they didn't know about one another. They were about to get married, and he deserved to know the truth so he could decide was Brendan what he wanted after all.

"I'm scared." It was barely more than a whisper.

"I know. I'll be here for you, you can call me any time, okay? And if Seamus shows up here I'll be by your side then too, you don't have to face him alone. I'll hit him with my shoe or something if he tries anything."

Brendan smiled tiredly. "Thank you."

"That's what friends are for." She patted his knee. "Now, not that I don't enjoy your gloomy company while I try to work, but don't you think you should be with your gorgeous husband-to-be rather than sit here with me?"

"Have I mentioned how much I hate it when you're right all the time?" Brendan asked and she laughed. He leaned to kiss her cheek before getting up. "See you later."

There were still things in his head when he walked back home, but he felt a bit lighter and more grounded after his chat with Anne. If and when Seamus would show up in their club Anne would back him up, and Steven would too. Still Brendan felt cold inside when he thought about things he should say out loud to him, and how the love and need in his eyes would turn into pity.

He let himself in back to their house and it seemed like Steven had hardly moved while Brendan had been away, or he had come straight to the hall soon as he heard keys in the door. His eyes were wide and bit red like he had been crying, and Brendan could see how he tried to steady himself for his sake.

"You came back."

"Of course I did. I said I would never leave you, didn't I?" His words made Steven let out a deep breath of relief and then Brendan was on him, crushing him against his chest. Now was not the time to tell him anything, to burden him with anything more. Brendan just held him tight, when Steven clung on like he never wanted to let go.

::::::

They didn't much talk about Seamus during rest of the day. Only thing Ste asked was would Brendan want him to know he and Ste were together.

"I don't know, Steven. I'm not ashamed of us, but the less he knows about me the better. But if I have to meet him and he asks I – I don't know."

"It's alright. We'll see how it goes." Ste hated to see Brendan so unsure and somehow small, like he was a little child. He hated Seamus who had caused this.

Other than that they talked about other things, normal things. Ste made them something to eat before they had to leave to work and they had a little argument over washing the laundry. It was normal for them to bicker over things and then be kissing and smiling each other softly five seconds later. Only this time Brendan's kisses had something urgent in them, like he was trying to savour them. Ste could almost hear him crackling in the inside even when his outside was much calmer after his walk.

Ste was constantly expecting Seamus to burst through the Baile's doors during the night at work. He kept looking through the opening they had from the kitchen to the seating area, and he could see the same nervous expectation on Brendan every time he popped in to see him. Mondays were always a quieter nights, and Ste wasn't as busy as he would be towards end of the week so he had more time to talk for Brendan and try to keep his thoughts away from his dad. But Seamus didn't show up, and once the club was closed and cleaned up Ste could feel the sense of relief in Brendan.

That relief made Brendan jump on him soon as they got through their front door. Ste's pants were yanked down and he got a fast and hungry blowjob while half sitting half laying on the stairs, Brendan knelt on the floor between his legs. After Ste had come Brendan picked him up and carried him to the bedroom where they got rid of their clothes as fast as they could. Ste was ready again by the time Brendan had fingered the lube on him and he kept pushing back against him when Brendan had him from behind, his hands and mouth on Ste the whole time. He kept holding Ste tightly afterwards, and Ste hoped he had managed to ease Brendan's pain even a little.

The next day Brendan's nervousness was back. They had slept late and had a lunch out, and even when Brendan did his best to answer to Ste he was distant and clearly on edge the whole day. As much as Ste hated the idea of Brendan seeing Seamus, surely the eventual meeting up would be better than Brendan constantly waiting it to happen.

And as it turned out, they didn't have to wait any longer.

It was early hours still and the club had been open only for few hours when Ste happened to peek through the opening and saw Seamus climbing up the stairs to the second floor. Brendan was behind the upstairs bar with a bar maid and Ste could see how his whole body going rigid when he spotted his father. Ste thanked heavens that his sous-chef Michel was back at work today and that they weren't that busy, so he could instantly turn into him.

"Manage on your own for a while if I have my break now?" and rushed through the door to stand next to Brendan just as Seamus reached him.

"...where you have been hiding." Ste heard him say while giving Brendan very judgemental look. Then he spotted Ste and his whole expression changed, like he was the most pleasant man alive. "Ah, Steven, good to see you again." He extended his hand. Ste glanced Brendan and saw he was staring past Seamus's shoulder and clenching his jaw.

He barely touched Seamus's hand before pulling back again. "It's just Ste. Did you come with Cheryl?"

"No, it's just me. Told her I had business in town. She didn't want to come here, but I have rights to see my son, eh." Every time his eyes moved to Brendan there was something dark in them, but to Ste he was all smiles. "Can you believe she said he doesn't want to see me, what kind of son wouldn't want to meet his old man after all these years?"

"You've seen me, so you can go now." Brendan's voice was almost a growl. He was leaning on the counter with his hands and Steven could see him clenching his fists.

"Nice place you two have here." Seamus looked around like he hadn't heard him. "And the name, it's Irish, did Brendan come up with that?"

"We both did." Ste said. "We're partners, remember." He tried to edge closer to Brendan, not to make anything obvious but to make sure he could feel Ste was there for him. "Look, were both very busy right now so this is not the best time to -"

"I haven't seen my son in years and who knows when I'll see him next." For the first time there was an edge on his voice when he talked to Ste. "I don't know anything about him except that he left that wife of his, didn't you Brendan? Some other woman, was it, that's why you moved to England too? You must have your luck with the ladies with your Brady looks." He kept watching Brendan like predator watches it's prey, searching for signs of weakness. Brendan still hadn't looked him directly but Ste could see him take a deep breath in. Seamus seemed to realise he wouldn't get anything out of him so he turned back to Ste. "Come on Ste, spill the beans, you two must be close and you know all about his adventures."

"I do, yeah." Ste wasn't sure how long he could stay calm and he hoped the man would just leave. Then Seamus's gaze drifted to Brendan's hands on the counter.

"Is that a wedding ring? Who's the lucky lady?"

Ste looked Brendan, and their eyes met, just briefly, but long enough for Ste to get the approval from him. Ste cleared his throat and looked Seamus in the eye.

"I am."

"What?" Seamus frowned. Ste lifted his left hand to show the matching ring.

"I'm his fiance."

There were sound of people talking and music playing in the background but somehow it felt like everything had fallen silent. Brendan finally looked his father and poised himself, challenging him to say something about it. There was disbelief written all over on Seamus's face. He kept looking between Ste and Brendan. "Tell me this is a joke."

"It's not." Brendan stared at him. "I'm with Steven."

Seamus looked disgusted and he let out an ugly laugh. "So you are just a puff, like I always knew you were."

"I think you should leave now." Ste said. Their voices had risen up so everyone around them could hear them. People waiting their drinks were watching. The bar maid was looking at them like she was ready to call the bouncer from the door. Brendan was all rigid against Ste's side, and he was thankful that the bar desk was keeping him from smashing Seamus's head on the ground.

"Oh I will. To hear that my son is nothing more than a filthy queer, that's disgusting." Seamus spit the words. He threw one last look on both of them before turning around and disappearing down the stairs.

Brendan was breathing hard. Ste didn't take his eyes off him.

"Kelly, can you take care of the bar alone for a second?" He asked from the bar maid.

"Sure. Is everything okay, should I call someone to -"

"No. I think he went out by himself, there's no need to throw him out." Ste took hold of Brendan's sleeve and tugged him to follow him. He walked him to the office and made sure the door was close and locked. Brendan was pale and he was staring in the distance. Ste could see him starting to shake.

"Brendan." He took a step closer to hold him but then Brendan spun into life, turning so quickly he almost pushed Ste over as he started to hit the wall with his fist. "Brendan! Brendan, stop!" Ste forced himself between him and the wall, tried to take Brendan's hand but he stepped back.

"I can't, I can't." He was shaking his head and Ste had never seen him so lost and vulnerable. "Look what he does to me, I'm no good, it's all been for nothing, I'm still just a fuck up. I can't change." His voice broke down. "You should just leave me before it's you I hit instead of a wall."

"No, Brendan, look at me." Ste tried to embrace him but Brendan kept pushing him away. He didn't give up and Brendan finally stopped resisting. Ste took hold of his face and forced Brendan to look at him. "Look at me. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not gonna give up on you." He kept his gaze until he saw the realisation in Brendan's eyes, that he wasn't alone in this. Then Ste's eyes moved to Brendan's left hand, which knuckles were all bloody and bruised. "You're hurt."

Then Brendan was holding him, almost lifting him up from the ground with his tight hug, so tight that Ste was hardly able to breath. Instead of asking him to ease his grip Ste threw his own arms around Brendan's shoulders and stroked his hair, while Brendan cried against his neck.


	3. Chapter 3

Ste wasn't sure how long they had stayed in the office, Brendan's head buried against his neck and him soothingly stroking Brendan's hair, but eventually Brendan's sharp inhales started to settle down and his grip got less tight around Ste. He intrinsically took a deep breath in when released from the tight hold, and Brendan instantly took a step back.

"Did I hurt you, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No. No." Ste didn't release his hold from Brendan's neck. "You didn't hurt me. It's okay."

For a few second they looked at one another, Ste trying to will Brendan to see how much he loved him while rubbing the back of his head with his fingers. Finally Brendan nodded but he still didn't seem like himself. Ste started to become aware of the sounds of the outside world again, faint through the office door. He should get back to kitchen soon, but he didn't feel comfortable to leave Brendan alone.

There was a sound of someone trying the door handle, then knocking on the door when it didn't open.

"Brendan? You better not be banging Ste against the wall again." Mitzeee's voice came through.

Ste slowly removed his hands and went to unlock the door and let her in. She opened her mouth for what Ste assumed would have been a filthy comment, but she saw his expression and looked Brendan past Ste's shoulder. Ste stepped aside to let her in before closing the door again. Brendan had moved too, walked behind his desk and sat heavily down on the chair.

"It was him, wasn't it, the older guy who didn't seem to fit on the usual line of punters?" Mitzeee asked. "I came up soon as I could. What happened?"

"He wasn't pleased to learn Bren is with me." Ste said and she quickly gave his arm a squeeze before turning back to Brendan.

"Well, that's out from the order now, isn't it, so you don't have to worry about him learning about your love life anymore. Brendan? Isn't that a good thing?"

"Yeah it's..." He was staring in the distance and it seemed hard for him to focus enough on what was going around him.

"I need to get back to the kitchen." Ste said quietly. He was feeling miserable. Mitzeee gave him a nod.

"I'll take care of everything else, Brendan can stay here as long as he likes."

"Ta. You know what, this might help you." Ste walked to the cabinet they had in the room, opened the bottom door and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and glass. "Here." He poured Brendan a drink. "I can drive us home."

He had just recently got his license, which Brendan had paid for him as a Christmas present. After all, Ste had already known how to drive thanks to his teenage years when he used to nick cars for joyrides, but now he finally had the licence to proof that.

Brendan took the glass and drunk the whiskey at one go, grabbed the bottle and poured himself another one.

"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Ste said and walked to the door. Mitzeee followed him.

"I make sure he doesn't drink too much." She said in a low voice

"Thank you." Ste gave Brendan one more look before opening the door and making his way to the kitchen. He got back to work and the routine of cooking came to him easily, allowing him to let his mind wander around.

He had never seem Brendan like this and it scared him. Not the anger, or his sadness, but how he put up a wall which Ste didn't seem to get through. He wished he knew everything Brendan had been through so he could help him to carry it all, but he was too afraid to ask in case Brendan would shut him out. Ste could only guess, from those few times Brendan had mentioned Seamus and how he had used to be because of him, and from his own experiences with Terry.

Some time later Mitzeee popped in the kitchen for a quick chat during Michel's break.

"He seems calmer now." She explained. "Doing some paper work so he doesn't have to be on the floors, he's still bit... You know. He's not talked much. How was it with Seamus, then?"

"That man is vile." Ste chopped the onion imagining it was Seamus's face. "You should have seen him, the way he kept poking Bren with every word. And when I told him we are together he just... I have seen it before, you know, people saying things about gays or if someone is trans or what ever anyone can get disgusted by. But he's Brendan's dad so it must have been so hard for him to hear. I mean, I know Terry never loved me and the way he treated me was awful, but there still was part of me which kinda wanted to get his, whatsitcalled, approval? Him to say he's proud of me, after all."

Mitzeee smiled at him sadly. "I guess that's the way it goes with parental figures, no matter how awful they are the child in us still wants to get loved by them." Then she asked more carefully "Has Brendan ever talked you about Seamus?"

"A bit." Ste looked at her. "You know more about it, then."

"When me and Brendan met he wasn't how he is now. He helped me a lot, but he needed lot of help himself too, it just took some time for him to admit it. He's worked so hard to turn his life around and I have never seen him this happy as he's been since I took you to his doorstep. But some things, they keep coming back up, you know?"

"Yeah." Ste tried not to feel jealous of her knowing Brendan longer. It seemed she knew more about his past than Ste did, and he wanted to ask so badly, but he didn't want to ask her to break the trust Brendan had placed on her. "I just wish he would talk to me about it."

"I'm sure he will, when he's ready." Michel came back from his break so Mitzeee couldn't say anything more. She just gave Ste a comforting smile. "No ghost from the past can come between you two, trust me."

Last orders were made at half eleven and then Ste and Michel took a clean over the kitchen. Michel left once they were done, but Ste made his way to the floor and helped the staff there to begin their clean up so once every customer were out there wasn't much left to do. Brendan had emerged from the office before the closing time to make sure everything ran smoothly, but Ste could see what kind of struggle it was for him to focus on the work and not to snap on punters who weren't getting out fast enough.

Soon as everything was cleared out and the staff had left Ste and Brendan locked the place up, ready to head home. Brendan tried to make it to the drivers seat but Ste tutted, and Brendan gradually handed him the keys and got in the passengers seat instead. It wasn't a long drive, but Ste still felt the weight of the silence between them.

Once at home Ste offered to make Brendan some snacks to eat, but he said he wasn't hungry.

"I'll just want to get a shower and get to sleep." He said.

"Let's do that, then." Ste was already walking towards the stairs but Brendan was shaking his head.

"No, I'll... You go first and I take one afterwards."

"We can share one, come on." Ste tried but Brendan avoided his eyes.

"Please, Steven, I'll just need a... I need to be alone for a while."

Ste tried not to feel hurt by that. "Okay. See you in the bedroom then." He took his turn quickly and dived straight to bed after that, laying there listening when Brendan stayed under the shower for a long time. When he finally emerged and got in the bed he did it carefully, like he was expecting Ste to shy away from him. Instead Ste instantly took his place by his side, draped his arm and leg over him and hoped his touch would give him comfort.

Brendan turned off the light and they laid in the dark and in the silence. He didn't try to push Ste away but his body was tense and he didn't make any of his regular moves, wrapping his arms around Ste or turn towards him. Ste kept stroking his chest, wishing he could take what ever Brendan was feeling to carry.

There must have been some change in his breathing because Brendan finally shifted a little. "Steven, are you okay?"

"Are you? Brendan, please, if there's anything I can do -"

"No, Steven, I'm sorry I'm such a... It's not your job to look after me, it's not what you wanted is it, me being a fucking wimp and crying like a baby soon as my old man steps in, it's pathetic, it's..."

Ste couldn't believe what he was hearing. He pushed himself up so he was half laying in top of Brendan, trying to see his face in the faint light. "Brendan, listen to me, right? This is what couples do, support each other. It's not a bloody contest of who's the strongest one, you're not thinking badly about me when I need your help on something, do you?"

"No." Brendan's hand had come to slightly stroke Ste's back. "But it's not the same."

"Why? Because we met when I hired you to look after me, is that making me weak or someone who always needs you to hold my hand on everything? Is that how you see me? Is that why want to be with me, because you can feel all manly when with me?" He hadn't meant to get agitated but his train of thoughts had got away from him.

"Of course not. Steven, you're the strongest man I know."

"And you're the strongest man I know, but it doesn't mean you have to hold things back from me and feel like you can't lean on me, okay? I want to be there for you. I love you."

"I love you too." Brendan reached to stroke Ste's face, and Ste took a hold of his hand and kissed his palm. He released Brendan's hand and stroked his own on Brendan's chest, down to his belly and lower still, to scratch his pubes and stroked the base of his dick with his fingertips. Brendan shifted. "Steven.."

"I want to make you feel good." Ste took a hold of his dick and felt it react to his touch. "I want to show how much I want you." He kissed Brendan's chest and squeezed his cock, loving the way it became alive in his hand. "Please, let me."

Brendan let out a sigh and his body relaxed a little, and Ste started to inch his way down, licking the trail of hairs from Brendan's chest to his belly, around his bellybutton, down to his treasure trail, all the time gently pumping his dick in his hand. Brendan moved his feet further apart and Ste shuffled between them, and he was momentarily blinded when Brendan reached to put on the light. He blinked against the sudden brightness but couldn't help smiling, knowing how much Brendan wanted to see.

Ste pulled the skin back on Brendan's dick to expose the head and gave it a slow lick. He rubbed it against his lips while his other fist kept squeezing Brendan's shaft and the other rubbed his balls, and then he opened his mouth and sucked the head gently. He kept watching Brendan through his lashes. Brendan was breathing hard, he had pushed himself up to his elbows for a better view, his mouth slightly open in awe and low grunts coming out from it. Ste took more of him in his mouth and stroked the rest of him, as slow as he could, wanting to show his worship on every inch of him. He released Brendan's dick from his mouth and placed kisses to the shaft, nuzzled the base and the thick hair growing there before licking his way back up and swallowing him as deep as he could. He had to close his eyes, savouring the taste and the feel of Brendan on on his tongue. His own dick was growing harder and he straddled Brendan's leg so he could rub himself against him for friction.

"Steven, Steven, come up here." Brendan's hands were on his neck, tugging him to move. Ste reluctantly let him go as he lifted his head, and Brendan swiped saliva off form his bottom lip with his thumbs. "I want to taste you too, come on."

Brendan pulled Ste up against his body, wrapped him in his arms so their groins were pressed together when they kissed as Brendan sucked his own taste from Ste's mouth. Then he gave Ste's bum a slap. "Turn around for me." He laid back down on the pillow as Ste turned so he was kneeling, ass in front of Brendan's face. Brendan stroked his bum, down his perineum to his balls, held his dick and toyed with Ste's hole with his thumb while Ste took him on his fist again and gave him a rub. He felt Brendan's breath on his hole and then wet lick of his tongue, and he took Brendan's dick back to his mouth when Brendan started to rim him.

Ste's senses were on overdrive. His mouth was full of Brendan's taste and the weight of his dick, while his ass was licked open, Brendan's other hand rhythmically stroking Ste's dick matching the movements of his talented tongue and his other hand squeezing the cheek of Ste's bum. Ste kept rocking back, sucking Brendan deep and rubbing his balls him his palm, stroking his fingertips gently down Brendan's crack and then back up again. Brendan licked his way from Ste's hole to his balls and shaft, sucked the precum he was leaking and then returned to fuck him with his tongue. Ste wasn't even aware he had stopped sucking Brendan's cock until he heard his own cries, his face pressed against Brendan's groin and one hand twisting the sheets and other tightly gripping Brendan's length. Brendan pulled his tongue out and took Ste back in his mouth just when he started to come, sucking him until he was all emptied out. Ste was shaking and gasping for air, and Brendan gently released the now tender dick and started to nibble his bum instead. Ste pulled himself back together and slurped Brendan back down, and kept sucking until Brendan's grip on his ass got painfully tight when he came in Ste's mouth. He swallowed it all, savouring the taste as he licked Brendan clean before carefully crawling around so he was laying on top of him again, face to face.

They were sweaty and breathless, pressed together in every way possible, their tongues gently tangled as they kissed, their tastes mixing on their mouths. Brendan kept cradling Ste's head so he could keep on kissing him, when Ste felt too tired and too boneless from the pleasure to keep his head up himself. When they were finally satisfied Brendan tucked Ste's head under his chin, and Ste stayed there on top of him, wrapped in his arms, sweaty and sticky and safe. He hoped Brendan felt as secure and loved as he did, and those were his last thoughts before the steady rise and fall of Brendan's chest made him fall asleep.

::::::

Brendan had stayed awake a long time after Steven had fallen asleep on top of his chest. The sex and the closeness had eased his mind a little, but now the thoughts were back.

So Seamus knew. So what, he asked himself, at least it was over and done with and he didn't need to worry about that anymore. He hadn't been in contact with Seamus in years anyway, and wouldn't be after this so what difference of him knowing did make.

Yet he could hear the words coming from Seamus's mouth, running through his head. _Queer. Puff. Disgusting little gay boy, crying for mommy, well mommy's not here, is she, she's dead because you made her sick. Quiet now, no telling anyone about this, you filthy faggot._ Brendan could smell the whiskey breath and cigarettes and feel hard hands on him, hurting, hurting.

Steven made a soft sigh against his chest, mumbled something and then fell silent again. Brendan stroked his hair.

He owed it to Steven not to let this affect on him. He owed to himself to try and be the man Steven thought he was. Brendan could remember Steven's startled eyes when he had smashed the glass or when he had put his rage on the office wall. He remembered the bang of realisation that the fear Steven was feeling wasn't fear of Brendan hurting him, but because he was scared of Brendan hurting himself. What ever Brendan had done to deserve such love from the boy he did not know, but he would do his best to be worth it. In the end that was all that mattered. This life, this house, their kids. Steven, always Steven, who was the most important thing. Nothing Seamus had done, nothing he would do could take that away, Brendan would make sure of it.

He must have finally dropped off to sleep and he woke up for Steven slowly sliding off from him and quietly getting off the bed. Brendan peeled one eye open enough to watch him put on some underwear, trackie bottoms and one of Brendan's T-shirts. When Steven quietly sneaked by the bed Brendan reached to grab his arm, making Steven yelp for surprise.

"Didn't know you were awake, you scared me, you git." He leaned down and kissed the side of Brendan's mouth. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I did. You made sure of it." He stroked Steven's arm and pulled him to sit on the side of the bed, pushed himself up on the elbows and tried to get a kiss but Steven turned his head.

"Don't, I have a morning breath, I need to brush me teeth."

Brendan chuckled. "Cum-breath, more like." He pulled him closer and kissed the side of Steven's neck instead, making sure to rub his beard there on the sensitive skin. He could feel Steven shiver against him. His fingertips held lightly on Brendan's bicep.

"You can go back to sleep if you like. I'll make you some breakfast, something proper, you hardly ate anything yesterday, did you."

"I ate you." Brendan breathed against Steven's ear before laying back down. Steven stroked his chest. "I'll get up in a minute."

"See you downstairs, then." Steven rose up and walked out from the room. Brendan listened the sound of him in the bathroom, the washing up, the brushing of teeth. Then the sound of his steps when he walked down and familiar noises of pots and pans when Steven started to make food. Brendan closed his eyes for a second, allowed the noises comfort him and for a moment take him back to the sounds of his childhood home, the small apartment he used to stay with his mum, how he used to wake up every morning of her in the kitchen making him something to eat.

After drifting on and off for a ten more minutes he got up, threw some clothes on and took his turn in the bathroom. For a second he got surprised by the pain in his hand when water hit it, but then he saw the bruises and cuts, remembering what he had done. There was a rush of shame again, for getting so upset, for not being able to control himself, for scaring Steven and then breaking apart in front of him, but he tried to push that away and focus only on the love in Steven's eyes.

Steven had already started to plate the breakfast when Brendan came down. Brendan walked to him to get that kiss he was denied before, and then he poured them coffee while Steven took the plates on the table. Once Brendan had sat down Steven sat on his right knee without further ceremonies and started to eat his portion on his lap. Brendan couldn't help but smile for that, there was nothing uneasy with the way Steven was with him. They didn't talk much while they ate, both of them hungry after stressful yesterday. When Brendan reached for his coffee Steven put down his fork and took hold of Brendan's hand.

He held it lightly while stroking his fingers over where the skin had broken. Brendan winced and Steven gave him a quick glance. "Don't be such a baby. Looks like it's healing well tho, I think you'll live."

"Mmh." Brendan put his right arm around him. "I'm sorry for... Everything, really."

"It's not your fault, right, I get it. I know what I was like when Terry came to see me out from the blue, like I was kid again. Was that how you felt?"

"Yeah, I guess. Brought everything back, from the..."

Steven kissed his knuckles quickly before releasing his hand and continuing eating. "Well at least that's done now, eh, I'm sure we won't have to worry about him anymore."

"Yeah." Brendan gulped his coffee. "That's the good side of it."

Neither of them had anything what needed to be done before work and Brendan didn't feel like going for a gym or a run. Usually they would have had a walk, or a drive somewhere close by, or maybe some random browsing in shops, but it seemed both of them were still bit unsteady after last night so they just laid on the sofa watching some series they had been recording. They didn't talk much but there was no need for it either, the silence wasn't pressuring like it had been last night and Brendan was relieved that Steven seemed to sense his need for just cool it all down. They would have plenty of time to talk later on, but right now this was that they needed.

They were middle of a third or fourth episode of some crappy show Steven liked when Brendan's phone started to buzz. He untangled his arm around Steven and picked it up from the coffee table.

"It's Chez."

Steven gave Brendan's thigh a squeeze and paused the TV. "I'll go put the kettle on," and he pushed himself up and disappeared in the kitchen to give Brendan some privacy.

Brendan swallowed and answered. "Hey."

"How are you? I tried to stop him, I really did, but he didn't tell me where he was going and then he came back all angry and -"

"Chez. It's alright." Brendan wasn't sure did he try to convince her or himself. "He came in, said his things and left, that's all, it's... I'm okay."

"Are you? Really? I was so mad at him for going without me, I wish I could have somehow soften the blow."

"To which one?" Brendan asked before he could stop himself. He loved his sister, but sometimes he wasn't sure was she more worried about his feelings or Seamus's. Then he felt ashamed for wanting her to make that choice between them. "I'm sorry, Chez, it was kinda long night."

"I bet." They were quiet for a while. "Dad told Ste was there, I mean of course he was because it's his place too, but I mean he was there for you, wasn't he?"

"He's a good lad. He was the one who put him on the picture about everything."

Cheryl left out a soft chuckle. "Yeah, he did say something about the mouthy lad."

Brendan felt a twist of anger and rush of pride, both feeling mixed together. "What did he say about him, he has no right to -"

"No, no, calm down. I talked to him, alright, told him he can't use that sort of language. That's actually why I called. After we had our talk and after he had his good night sleep and after we talked some more he's... He says he let his shock to take the best of him. That he would be willing to try and patch things up."

"You must be joking." Brendan spit the words. "You believe him?"

"Bren, please, listen out. I know it's lot to ask, I know. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now, but he seems genuine. Listen, I know he doesn't want me to tell you but he's ill. Like really ill. He's not the same man he used to be, and if both of you are willing to try, then I hope you could... Oh I don't know. I just hate the idea that my baby will be having an grandpa and uncle who can't be in the same room."

Brendan leaned back on the sofa. "You had your doctors. Was it... Are you... It's really happening?"

"It's really happening." Brendan could hear the smile on her voice. "I haven't told him yet, and I would like to have a dinner party, just for family, where I could let everyone know. Well, let him and Ste know, because you and Nate already do, but... It would mean a lot to me if you two could come."

"I don't know, Chez..."

"All I'm asking is for you to think about it, please? When's your next day off, is it next Monday?"

"Monday, yeah, quietest night in the club."

"So it's almost week from now, so think about it, okay?"

He hated how hopeful she sounded. He hated how much she expected from him, and hated how much he wanted to make her happy instead of saying he would never be on the same space with that man ever again. "Okay, I'll think about it."

"Thank you." She sounded like he had promised her the world. "Okay, I'll let you go on with your day. Bye bye, love."

"Bye." Brendan sat there a while after he ended the call, before making his way to find Steven.

He was standing in the kitchen, watching their back yard through the back door window. He twisted his head to smile at Brendan when he walked in.

"I think the grass already needs a cutting, don't you? Who's turn is it this time?" Then when Brendan came to stand behind him Steven leaned back to rest his head on Brendan's shoulder and looked up at him. "How was it? What did she say?"

"She says he's a changed man. That after some thinking he's okay with my sinful ways." Brendan stroked Steven's belly. "She wants us to have dinner to mark a new beginning of more functional family."

Steven turned around so he could see Brendan's face better. "What did you say?"

"Didn't say anything yet. She told me to think about it and let her know."

"I can't believe she would ask this from you."

Brendan felt need to defend his sister. "Family has always been important to her. She used to think we were this big happy family and then when I told her about the... What he really was like it ruined that idea from her. She just tries to, I don't know, rebuilt it."

"Right." Steven's gaze was steady and strong. "But you don't owe her anything, okay? You don't have to do anything what you don't want to. You are in charge now. And what ever it is that you want I'll support you with that."

Brendan didn't know what to say, so he just gave him a nod. He wasn't sure yet how he would play this, but right now he felt like with Steven by his side there was nothing he wouldn't be able to do.

::::::

For the next week Ste tried to keep things as normal as he could.

Most of their time went on work anyways, and that was something to keep Brendan busy, even when Ste did notice his temper was shorter than usual and he got easily agitated with drunk customers. Thankfully Mitzeee was there to swoop in and take over situations before they escalated to Brendan completely losing his nerves. Ste was grateful that she was there to help him to keep an eye on Brendan.

At home they did their normal stuff; If Leah had a shorter day at school they picked her and Lucas from the nursery to stay with them for few hours before taking them back to Amy's and went to work. Other days they had a walk outside, or went to town for lunch, or just chilled at home. They had arguments over household chores or which show to watch from TV. They made out on the couch and had sex when they got home from work or the next morning if they were too tired in the evening, or both if they were feeling extra horny. They hardly spoke about Cheryl or Seamus except one night when they took a shared bath before bed, and Ste was sitting leaning against Brendan's chest, slowly stroking his arms which were around him.

"Steven, if I go to Cheryl's on Monday, you'd come with me, yeah?"

"Of course." Steven twisted his head so he could look at him. "But Brendan, you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I know. But I wanna try, for her sake. I feel I kinda owe it to her after ruining her childhood memories."

"You don't owe her anything." Ste said. "She will understand if you don't want to go."

"Mm." Brendan hummed against his ear and then his left hand slid lower and took hold of Ste's dick, slowly teasing it to life and then Ste's head was lolling back and he wasn't in control of the noises he was making while Brendan stroked and squeezed him to orgasm. It was only afterwards, when they had cuddled up in bed and Ste was already drifting off when he realised that it had probably been a diversion so he would stop talking about the subject.

There was some layer of desperation in the way Brendan was touching him during that week, like he wanted to bury what ever it was in his mind in those moments when there was nothing else than he and Ste. Ste opened himself to him completely, took what ever Brendan gave to him and returned the same passion to him. His nails scored red marks all over Brendan's back when he was on him like he couldn't get deep enough, Ste's teeth left marks on Brendan's shoulders and collarbones when it all felt like it was almost too much, the pleasure of being filled, of being needed so badly. But it also seemed that his breakdown with the glass and with the office wall had shook Brendan a bit, because one night after they had come he lightly held Ste's arm and examined the red markings around his wrist from when Brendan had been pinning him down ten minutes earlier. Ste knew it would bruise and he didn't mind, but Brendan seemed bit off by it.

"I'm sorry."

"From what?"

"I didn't mean to go on so hard." Brendan didn't look at him, but traced the coming bruise with his thumb. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Brendan, don't. I like it, you know I do. Nothing's changed on that."

"Are you sure? You know what I could do when I'm..."

"You'd never hurt me that way. I know you won't." Ste nuzzled his neck. "Don't think you need to start holding back. Okay?"

"Okay." Brendan took Ste's wrist to his mouth and kissed it. "I just hate to think I would do something to you which you don't like."

"You think I could fake _that_?" Ste laughed and Brendan finally grinned. Ste couldn't believe Brendan even thought Ste hadn't been enjoying it, when he had come hands free while being pinned down and folded in half under Brendan's weight. Ste hoped he could get into Brendan's head and take all his doubts away, or at least fast forward time to Monday so Brendan wouldn't have to be on the edge while waiting it to happen.

They had a busy weekend, as they picked the kids up first thing on the Saturday morning and kept them all day before dropping them back before work. They had only a few hours sleep before repeating the same thing on Sunday, but Ste didn't mind. He was thankful that they lived so close to Amy that they didn't have to waste much time for travelling between the houses, and they could have the kids over for a day and give Amy some alone time. As Sundays usually were quiet nights Michel was capable for working that night alone, so the kids stayed with Ste and Brendan. Brendan still went to work for few hours, and Ste had already fallen asleep before he came back, only mildly stirring for Brendan sliding next to him in bed, taking him in a tight, safe hold.

Ste left Brendan to sleep in the morning when he had to get up early to take Leah to school and Lucas into nursery. When he got back home Brendan was up and in the shower, and Ste didn't waste any time joining him in there. After some "good morning" hand job and getting each other clean they tried to get on with their normal routines, but Ste could tell how nervous Brendan was when thinking about the evening and it was hard for him to focus on anything. So they just had another unproductive day in front of a telly, even when Brendan hardly followed what was going on in it, nor did he had any appetite when Ste tried to ask what he would want to eat. The longer the day went the more he seemed to shrink into himself, and Ste hated the effect just the thought of being close to Seamus had on him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ste asked when it was about the time for them to leave to Cheryls. "We can call and come up with some excuse."

"No, I'm fine." Brendan said but he didn't look like it.

"We'll just get in, have dinner to make her happy and then leave, yeah?" Ste wasn't going to let Brendan force himself to suffer too long. "And who knows, maybe he really has changed and it goes well after all, eh?"

He tried to keep on the conversation through their drive, talked about kids and work and anything he could think of, and he sounded nervous even to his own ears. When Brendan parked close to Cheryl's place Ste reached to stroke his neck. Brendan didn't say anything, just closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes and looked at Ste it was like he was drawing strength from him. Ste knew he would have to keep it together for Brendan, so he could make through this night for Cheryl's sake.

They walked up the stairs and Ste rung the doorbell. It took a while and then it was Nate who came to open the door for them.

"Sorry we're bit late." Ste said when he stepped aside to let them in.

"No worries, it's fine, the food isn't quite done yet." He was smiling as pleasantly as always, but Ste thought he was seeing some tension in Nate too. "Cheryl and Seamus are in the kitchen."

"We brought wine." Ste lifted the bottle he was carrying. Brendan still wasn't talking.

"That's brilliant, thank you. Please, make yourself at home." Nate made his way towards the dining area and Ste followed slowly, Brendan almost hiding behind his back.

"Hey babes!" Cheryl came to greet them, her happy smile being massive contrast on the nervousness on everyone else's face. "I'm so glad you came, and Ste, I'm sure you'll be pleased with my cooking's tonight, I have been practising a lot!"

"Meaning half of the food is bought as ready made and she just warmed them up." Nate said gently and Cheryl fake slapped his arm. Then she shot a quick nervous glance to Brendan. Ste could feel him tensing next to him as Seamus appeared from the room in the back and was standing next to Cheryl, his dark eyes on Brendan. Cheryl cleared his throat.

"Anyway, before we eat I think there's something... Daddy, do you want to say something to Bren?"

"Yes. Well. I'm not gonna lie, Brendan, the revelation that you're gay... I can't say I'm not shocked because I am. Shocked to the core. It's the last thing I would have expected from my son." Cheryl touched his arm quickly and Seamus swallowed. "But like it or not, you are my son. And I suppose I have to learn how to live with it. I don't know has Cheryl told you, but I'm not well. That's why I came here, to spend some time with my children while I still can. So I would like to apologise my hard words the other day, from you and from Ste," His gaze moved from Brendan to Ste quickly. Then he took a step forward and extended his hand. "So, what do you say?"

Cheryl looked from her dad to Brendan with hope in her eyes. Nate expression was harder to read, but Ste could have sworn there was something sinister behind Seamus's pleasant smile when he waited Brendan's reactions.

Ste leaned closer to him. "You don't have to do anything you don't wanna do, okay."

Brendan looked at him for a few second and again Ste got the feel that it was what gave him the strength, because he then stepped forward and took his father's hand. Just briefly, but Cheryl still squealed with joy and there were tears in her eyes.

"This is wonderful. Nate, the champagne!" She rushed to the kitchen and didn't see the sneer in Seamus's face when he looked Brendan like he had won something. Brendan avoided his gaze. Cheryl and Nate came back with a bottle of champagne, orange juice and five glass. "Right, which one of you is driving?"

"I am." Ste decided on the spot, hoping that some drink would make Brendan more relaxed.

"Here you are then." Cheryl made his drink less strong with orange juice and handed the glasses around. She poured just the juice for herself. "Okay, I think this is something good worth celebrating, new start for the Brady's, and.. Me and Nate, we are going to have a baby!"

"What? Chez, that's amazing!" Ste rushed to hug her. Seamus looked delighted.

"A grandchild, oh you have made a happy man!" He hugged her too. "I am allowed to see this one, aren't I?" He threw a nasty look toward Brendan.

"Of course! Oh you and Brendan making up has made me so happy, I really think this will be a new start for us all, don't you?" She seemed to be the only one who was truly pleased how the evening was going. She and Nate started to bring the food out and she kept on the conversation through the dinner, but either she didn't notice no one else was as cheerful or she tried not to see it. Ste was determined to get Brendan out from the house soon as the dinner was done and he didn't like the way Seamus kept watching them.

He did try to talk to them, probably for Cheryl's sake. "So, how did you two meet?" He asked while Cheryl was getting the desserts.

"Through a friend." Ste said, as Brendan had hardly spoke two words the whole evening. "We moved together pretty much straight away."

"And now you're getting married, like Cheryl and Nate are. I thought gays weren't much on dedication, with the way all those diseases keep on spreading."

"Daddy!" Cheryl placed a bowl of chocolate mousse in front of him. "You promised to be nice!"

"I'm sorry," Seamus smiled at her, like he was nothing more than a sweet older man. "I have never met anyone who's gay before, so all I know about them is from the news."

"Well you probably have met many, you just haven't noticed." Ste shot back. "It's not like we have sign on our foreheads, is it?"

"Yet some of you are very obvious." Seamus replied looking up and down on Ste, as a clear indication that he had guessed Ste out the moment they met. Ste opened his mouth to say something back and Brendan's fist clenched on the table, but Nate started quickly ask about how Baile was doing.

After they had finished the mousse Ste and Brendan offered to take care of the dishes, and they carried their bowls to the kitchen and started to stack them up in the dishwasher with rest of the dishes they had used during the evening. Cheryl wanted to show Ste some childhood pictures and rushed upstairs to find them. Ste didn't much feel like having any kind of trip to a memory lane, he just wanted to get home and away from Seamus.

"How about we finish this and get off?" He asked quietly and Brendan nodded. "I just go to loo and I'm ready to go."

"There's one down here, through that room." Brendan nodded his head towards the bedroom next to the kitchen.

"Back in a sec." Ste dived in the bathroom. Once he was done and making his way back he took a closer look of the room. It seemed that it was where Seamus slept, as the bed was clearly used and there was a suitcase on the furthers corner. On top of the drawer there was a set of keys and a wallet. Ste hesitated for a second before opening the wallet and flipping through it. There was hardly anything in, few pounds, a drivers licence and a credit card. Ste pulled out his phone and took a picture of the card number and for the licence before putting the wallet back where he had found it. He took the keys and tried to guess where they were, and found one which looked like a car key. He slid it off from the ring, put it in his pocket and made sure to put the rest on the same place he took them.

He was just about to leave the room, but through the crack of the door he could see that Seamus had approached Brendan in the kitchen. He stood there, staring Brendan as he tried to focus on putting away the few last dishes.

"Looks like I was right, _Brenda_ ," Ste could hear him say even when he kept his voice low, "I always knew you were a dainty little faggot." The he let out a chuckle and walked away, leaving Brendan shaking against the counter.

Ste pushed the door open and rushed towards him. "We're going, Brendan, come on." He stroked Brendan's shoulder. "Come, let's get our stuff."

Cheryl had come back down and she had old photos in her had, she was sitting on the couch showing them to her dad and to Nate. When she saw Ste and Brendan coming out from the kitchen she pushed one of the pics towards them. "Look, Bren, I found these the other day, these are from the holiday home, aw I miss that place, don't you?"

"Holiday home? Brendan has never mentioned it." Ste squinted at the photo, looking the house in the background and two small kids, who he assumed were Cheryl and Brendan, standing in front of it with an older woman.

"Really? He loved that place, we both did, didn't we? We haven't been there in years. Daddy, what happened to it after Nana died?"

"She left it for me. Actually, as we are talking about new beginnings, I have been thinking about renovating it, so we could all go there again, as a family." Seamus smiled. Cheryl looked delighted.

"Oh daddy, that would be amazing!" Ste watched as she jumped on to hug him, like a little girl. Then he was suddenly aware of how Brendan's breathing had changed. He looked paler than usual, scaring Ste.

"Err, Cheryl, we are going now, we need to be in the club early for some delivery and stuff, so we just gonna..."

"Oh. Oh, okay. It was so nice for you to come, it means a lot, really!" She took a step like she was about to walk them out, but Ste shook his head.

"No, we're fine, so, have a nice night. Bye." He grabbed their coats from the hanger and guided Brendan out. "Are you alright?"

"Can we just go?" Brendan rushed to their car and Ste run after him. Brendan hadn't drink that much but he didn't seem to be in state for driving, so Ste got in the drivers seat and started to take them home. Brendan didn't speak until they were half way towards their home and Ste suddenly rolled down the passenger sides window. He watched as Ste wiggled on his seat, trying to fish the key out from his pocket. "What are you doing?"

"Getting rid of the evidence." Ste replied and showed him the key. "I stole his car key." And the he handed it to Brendan. "Throw it out."

Brendan stared at him a while, then took the key, slowly. "You are a nutter."

"I know, yeah, are you going to do it or what?"

Brendan let out a laugh and then he flung the key in the darkness. He didn't take his eyes off from Ste when he rolled the window back up like nothing had happened. "I love you." Brendan said.

"I know." Ste smiled. Neither of them spoke any more until they reached their home street and Ste parked the car. They got out and Ste had a stretch. "I know it's not late yet but I'm still knackered."

"Me too." Brendan sighed. They let themselves in and Brendan walked straight to their couch and crashed on to it, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Ste went to pick up his whiskey and two glass before he joined him.

"Here, this will settle you." He poured some and handed it to Brendan.

"Thank you."

Ste poured a drop to himself and drank it down, and then made a face. Brendan smiled at him tiredly. "You have no taste."

"Shut up." He leaned back. "Do you wanna watch telly?"

"No. I think I just want to get in bed."

"Okay."

This time Brendan didn't object that Ste joined him in the bathroom. They brushed their teeth and had a little wash before getting into bedroom. They stripped off their clothes except their underwear and got under the blanket. Ste cuddled up against Brendan's side as usual, but both of them were still tense and too riled up for sleep.

"What's with the holiday house?" Ste asked in the dark.

"Don't, please."

"Okay." Ste kissed his chest. "I love you."

Suddenly Brendan's hands were on him and he was manhandled to his back, and then Brendan's weight was on him. Yet there was nothing sexual in it, the way his lips came on to Ste's, how he held him. Ste opened his mouth to him, and there was something in that kiss which made it feel like a goodbye. It scared him, the way Brendan seemed to want to savour it, like this would be their last kiss.

Then Brendan pulled away, and moved downwards instead so he could lay his head on Ste's chest. Ste wrapped his arms around him, one hand on his hair gently stroking, the other drawing circles on Brendan's shoulders. He thought his heart would explode with so much love in it, with the need to make everything alright for Brendan and not knowing how. He had never hated anyone as much as he hated Seamus, not even Terry, because Seamus had been hurting this man Ste loved more than anything and Ste hadn't been there to stop him.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but Brendan's breathing turned to more steady and his weight and warmth started to make Ste drift away. He was almost asleep when Brendan spoke.

"He didn't just beat me up."

Ste struggled to come off from the slumber he was falling into. He opened his eyes even when he couldn't see anything in the almost darkness. "What?"

"He didn't just beat me up. When I was a kid," Brendan went on and Ste's tired brain tried to keep up with the horrors he was saying. "He used to sexually abuse me."


	4. Chapter 4

Brendan hadn't meant to say anything. The evening had been draining enough, Seamus's presence and words taking him back to those days when he was helpless and on his mercy. He had just wanted to escape, get back home, bury himself in Steven and forget everything.

Yet when they had come home it hadn't felt right to use Steven like that. He didn't want to touch him and taint him with the memories he had running through his head. Brendan had thought that if he could keep it together through the night everything would be better in the morning, and that the evening at Cheryl's place would feel like a bad dream.

Then Steven had taken his place by Brendan's side in bed, warm and soft, and the way he had accepted that Brendan didn't want to talk moved something inside him. This was a man who had stood his ground in front of Seamus, a man who had given Brendan the strength to face him. He had stolen Seamus's car key, as a small payback but still it meant so much. He had given Brendan the time and space and closeness, what ever he had needed during this week, trying to hold their new life together when Brendan had barely been able to get himself to work. If Brendan couldn't trust him, what was even the point?

He had pushed Steven back and crawled on top of him, only when he was kissing him the thought had come again, the fear of burdening Steven with this, the shame of being selfish to even think about hurting him with the truth. What if that would prove to be too much for Steven to carry? What if after Brendan would told him everything he would look at him with pity or disgust, discovering Brendan wasn't the strong man he though he was. Brendan needed him so much that life without Steven seemed like Hell. But same time he knew Steven deserved to know the truth, now when he still could get out if he decided Brendan wasn't what he wanted after all.

Brendan had laid his head on Steven's chest, and in the dark and in his arms it felt safe and intimate, and the words just escaped from his mouth before he could stop them and then it was too late to get them back. He felt Steven going still and tense underneath him, even his breathing stopped when he tried to process what Brendan had just said. Then he let out a breath, broken, quiet.

"What?"

"He used to... When he was drunk, he came into my room at nights and he... He touched me. Told me I should like it, the queer I was. _This is how it's going to be for you, you better get used to it_. He made it seem like I'd ask for it, but I didn't, I didn't."

"Brendan.." Steven moved as he was trying to reach for the light, and Brendan pushed himself up and sat to his haunches.

"No, don't." Being exposed in the light scared him. He could see Steven's arm drop back to the matres, and then he was pushing himself up too, trying to touch his face but Brendan pushed his hand away. "I'm sorry, Steven, I'm... I'm not what you think of me. I'm fucked up."

"Brendan, don't, you have nothing to say sorry for. It was not your fault. Brendan, come here."

Brendan could hear tears in Steven's voice. He had been right. Steven was pitying him.

"I didn't want it." He repeated, like it would matter.

"Of course you didn't." Steven's hand had come to rest on Brendan's thigh lightly and this time Brendan didn't push it away. "Did you ever tell anyone?"

"Not back then. No one knows, except Anne. You need to understand, he's Seamus Brady, he's... he had a reputation." He left mentioning the fear and humiliation, what if no one would believe him, or what if they took his fathers side? What if they would have thought Brendan asked for it? It had took him years to understand the levels of guilt and shame Seamus had infected him on, and even after the therapy and anger management he still struggled to make sense to it all.

"When did it... How old..."

"I was eight." Brendan could remember that day so clearly. "My mum was sick and I had to go stay with him, and he took us to the holiday home and he... And when I was forced to move with him after she died it was... regular."

Steven didn't say anything. Brendan could hear the sound of his breath catching on his throat and the shake of it. He could tell Steven was crying even without seeing it, and he felt shamed that he had caused that.

"I'm sorry, Steven."

"Stop it." His hand edged a bit upwards, thumb stroking his thigh. "It's not your fault. It's him, that... I hate him. I fucking hate him. I will kill him, that's what I do, I'll go and -"

"Steven." Brendan reached to Steven's face in the dark, and could feel how wet his cheek was. Steven's other hand grabbed his and pressed it harder against his face. "I shouldn't have told you. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No. No. Don't push me away now, please, just... Please."

"But this just caused you pain. This just made you pity me."

Steven let out a noise between laugh and sob. "Pity? Brendan, I don't pity you, right, I'm sad. Sad what that monster put you through, that you had no one, no one to love you or help you to... I'm sad that I can't take this away from you."

"It's not your burden to carry, I shouldn't have..."

"Of course it is! I love you so much, I would do anything to make it okay for you. You would do the same for me, I know you would. Let me help you with this."

Brendan stroked his cheek. In the dark he could just about to make the shape of Steven, his eyes catching what ever light came in the room through their thick curtains making them gleam. "I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that."

"I didn't want you to know, if he hadn't shown up I would have never... I would have spared you from this. Only it would have been wrong, to fool you like that."

"What do you mean, fool me?" Steven held his hand tighter, like he tried to keep Brendan with him.

"You think I'm strong and I'm not. I'm not what you think I am."

"Don't." He moved closer, and Brendan tried to lean away but Steven didn't let him, he kept moving with him, pushing himself closer to him. "I know you, right. I know you. You are the strongest, the safest man I know. What ever that bastard has done to you it doesn't change that. It doesn't change how I feel. Do you think so little of me, that I would stop loving you because of something that has happened to you in the past? No, you listen to me," he continued when Brendan tried to speak. "I love you. _I love you_. Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do." Brendan breathed out. "But -"

"No." Steven moved their hands, pushed them downwards, inside his briefs and made Brendan feel him, the way he was becoming alive for his touch, the warmth between his legs. "Could I fake this? Fake how much I want you?"

"Steven." Brendan swallowed. What ever he was meant to say was thrown out from his brain by the rush of desire he had for Steven, the same excitement he always felt from how much Steven wanted him. He squeezed his junk and when Steven let go of his hand he slid it further down, stroked his fingers over his hole and could feel it react to the touch. But he needed to see him too, see that want in Steven's eyes. He pulled his hand away despite Steven's noises of protest. "Put on the light."

Steven scrambled towards the nightstand and then they both blinked for few second when the bright light almost blinded them. When Brendan could see Steven clearly he saw that his face was still wet from crying and his eyes were red and buffed, but the desire was there, the love, the need. When Steven wiggled his briefs off Brendan could see his dick was getting stiffer, and when he turned to find the lube from the drawer Brendan stroked his bum. When Steven turned back towards him the light from the nightstand made his eyes shine and skin glow, and for a second Brendan could have sworn he was some sort of angel sent down for him. Then he couldn't see Steven's face anymore when he was on him, crawling to Brendan's lap, kissing him hungrily and grinding his groin against Brendan's to make him harder.

Steven's left arm was thrown around Brendan's shoulders to give him the support, while his right slid down between their bodies and down in Brendan's boxers to get a hold of him. They kept kissing all the while when Steven rubbed himself against Brendan and stroked his dick until he seemed pleased with how hard he was in his hand. When he pulled back his lips were red and wet, and it was hard to see the redness of his eyes now when his whole face was flushed with desire. Steven reached blindly until he found the lube, then he took Brendan's hand, coated his fingers with it and pushed it underneath him. Brendan rubbed his hole gently at first, but Steven pushed against his hand with desperation so he slid two fingers in. Steven let out a soft moan and started to kiss Brendan again, holding his shoulders tightly as he was straddled on his lap and rode his fingers. But that wasn't enough for him for long, he started to make impatient noises and his movements got more frantic.

"Brendan." His voice was full of need. Brendan pulled his hand away, took hold of Steven's hips instead and gently lifted him off and pushed him to the mattress long enough so he could take off his boxers. Steven was watching him between his spread legs, eyes on Brendan's dick. He was leaking some pre-cum on his belly and his hole was shiny from the lube. Everything about him showed Brendan how much he wanted him, how nothing he had said earlier had changed that. He was struck by that, the realisation that he had half expected Steven to walk away and here he was, spread open for him, giving him everything Brendan could ever wish for. When Brendan got still Steven tore his eyes away from his dick and looked him in the eye instead. He reached to Brendan's hand and took it back between his legs. "Brendan. Love me."

He leaned over Steven for a kiss, then he took hold of his hips and lifted his bum up to his lap and guided tip of his cock against Steven's entrance. Steven's noises started straight away and he kept pushing his bum towards Brendan, taking him in. Brendan kept stroking his hips and belly while looking down of Steven's body swallowing him. He slid his arms around Steven and lifted him up again to sit on his lap, and the movement made Steven groan as Brendan sunk deeper in him. For a while Steven just sat there, panting against Brendan's neck and arms around his shoulders. Brendan stroked his hands up and down Steven's back, kissing the side of his head, nuzzling the short hair there. Then Steven took a steadier hold on him and started to ride.

His eyes never left from Brendan's until he was starting to get close, eyes squeezing shut from the pleasure he was feeling and his movements getting more uncoordinated. Brendan started to push upwards in him to help him along, fascinated by the expressions on Steven's face and the noises he was making.

"Steven. Look at me."

And soon as he opened his eyes and focused his hazed gaze on Brendan he was coming, wet splat hitting Brendan's belly as he cried out.

"That's it, good boy." Brendan was so close himself, and he leaned forward, gently placing Steven on his back and laid his full weight on him as he pushed as deep as he could and emptied himself in Steven's shaking body. The look Steven gave him was full worship and for a second Brendan forgot everything else; there was nothing more in the world than this boy and the love he was giving him.

They were kissing deeply while Brendan gently pulled himself out. When he rolled to get the wipes Steven came with him, tangled his limbs around him. "No," he said when Brendan took hold of the wipes, so Brendan just turned the light off instead and pulled the cover over them. They were sweaty and sticky, pressed together, breathing against each others mouths. "I love you," Steven breathed and Brendan said it back.

Now when the sex haze was disappearing from Brendan's brain his thoughts returned. He started to imagine how Steven would feel differently in the morning, when the full weight of Brendan's words would hit him. He imagined the questions he would have, the look of horror in his face when Brendan would give him the answers, because how could he not when silence would be so much worse now. Steven seemed to sense the change in him, because he brushed his hands up to cradle Brendan's face, placing gentle, soft kiss on his lips. So Brendan forced himself to focus on breathing, the warmth of Steven and the way his fingers stroked and stroked his face, like he wanted to brush away all the dark thoughts.

::::::

They hadn't speak after their I love you's, but for a long time they laid awake in the darkness, Ste's thumb stroking Brendan's cheekbone over and over again. Finally he had heard Brendan's breathing getting deeper and his body relaxing against him when he fall asleep. Only then Ste had allowed himself to cry again, silently not to wake Brendan up. When Brendan moved a bit in his sleep Ste cradled his head against his chest, worrying his heart would burst with the amount of sorrow and love he felt. It hurt so much to imagine what Brendan had been going through, that someone could have cause so much pain for a child. Ste had only seen few childhood photos of Brendan, but he thought that small boy with his mum on the framed photograph they had downstairs. Brendan looked happy in that picture, but Seamus hadn't touched him by then. Eight, Brendan had said. Ste couldn't even imagine the horrors the man sleeping against his chest had suffered.

His thoughts turned to Seamus and the hate and anger he felt towards him. He had knew from the start, hadn't he, that there was something behind that mask of fake pleasantness. Ste had spent his childhood with Terry and he had saw it, the face he had shown for his mates and other adults, and how it had dropped when there was no one to see. But no matter how physical he had got on Ste it had never got to anything else. Verbal abuse and knocking him around, but Terry had never touched him in any other way. Yet Ste had gone through years of emotional trauma, carrying that hurt with him and taking it on to others until he had the chance to try again and turn it all around. It had been hard to prove others and prove to himself that he was better than Terry had made him believe. Brendan had faced so much worse and he still had come on top, he had got himself help and career and now a family, and Ste felt awed about his strength to do that.

Ste felt hurt that Brendan doubted himself so much that he thought Ste would turn his back on him, or that Ste's reasons to be with him would be so shallow. It had been Brendan's strength which had pulled Ste towards him, and not just the clear indications of it one would get when first time laying eyes on him. Of course the size and look of him had gone straight to Ste's dick, he wasn't going to deny that, but the more he had talked with Brendan and spent time with him the physical attraction had blended with the inner strength Brendan had, with all the other aspects of him. Ste couldn't believe Brendan didn't see how strong he was from overcoming his past like he had, for not letting it come in the way of trying to make something from his life. He hadn't lost his sense of humour or his ability to love. He had changed Ste as a person, giving him the confidence, not to mention what they had in bed – he had helped Ste to discover himself in a whole new ways, making him what he was today. He owed so much to Brendan and couldn't imagine his life without him.

He drifted off for an hour or two, but was awaken again when the room was getting more light, but it was still way earlier than he normally would get up. Brendan had burrowed himself even closer if possible and his breathing had that deep, almost snoring sound which Ste loved to listen, and which told him that it would take a lot to wake him up now. He stayed there for a few minutes, before slowly and gently untangling himself from Brendan's hold.

For a while he just sat there, watching him. With his sleep Brendan's wrinkles weren't so prominent and he looked younger, and somehow innocent. Ste didn't know how it was possible to love someone this much. Before Brendan he had thought nothing could match his love for Leah and Lucas, that the parental love was the greatest of all, but now he knew it wasn't so. He loved those kids more than life, but in the end it was his job to raise them so that they could survive in the world without him. With Brendan the thought of ever having to be apart of him was too horrible to even think about. Without him Ste would die, if not physically for broken heart, at least emotionally.

Ste slid out from the bed, put on his briefs and went to have a wee, then to kitchen to make some coffee. Once it was done he poured it to two cups and quietly returned to their bedroom. He placed Brendan's cup on the nightstand on his side of the bed, his own to his side and then got back under covers to Brendan's side, half leaning against the headboard so he could drink his coffee while having his other arm around Brendan. He was almost through his cup when Brendan let out a sigh and stirred, then pealed his left eye open and squinted at Ste.

"Time is it?"

"Half seven. Did I wake you? Sorry, I couldn't sleep."

"S'okay." Brendan pushed himself against the pillows and soon as Ste had put his cup down he cuddled up, head resting on Brendan's shoulder and hand stroking his chest.

"I brought you coffee," he said after a while, "I hope it's not gone cold yet. I can go and make more if it is."

Brendan moved so he could reach his mug, had a long drink before putting it back down and kissed the side of Ste's head. "It's good. Thank you."

It felt like he was thanking him for so much more than just from the coffee. Ste felt his eyes starting well up again and he had to blink down his tears. Brendan needed him strong. "You're welcome. It looks like it's going to be a lovely day. Is there something you wanna do before work?"

"Let me wake up first properly." Brendan mumbled and yawned. "I'm still bit knackered."

"You can go back to sleep if you want."

"No, I'm good, just gimme a minute." Brendan run his fingers on Ste's arm. "You okay, Steven?"

Ste tilted his head so they could have an eye connection. There was some uncertainty in Brendan's gaze.

"I am. I mean I'm upset and angry but... Are you? After.. talking?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry I brought this on you."

"I'm glad I know now." Ste waited until Brendan looked at him again and could see that he meant it. "So that I can be there for you."

"You already are." Brendan said quietly.

"But you need to tell me how I can help you, right, so I can -"

"Steven." Brendan swallowed. "Can we... Can we not talk about this now? Here? I don't wanna... Not now."

"Okay." Ste kissed him. "So, I was thinking, maybe we could go on shops today, I need some new trousers, or we could get lunch somewhere if you like."

Brendan gave him a small smile, and that alone made Ste feel like his efforts to make things easy for Brendan were working.

"How about if we just, I don't know, have a walk outside? If you wanna... talk or something?"

Suddenly Ste got it, Brendan's need not to bring more of his past in this house. Outside, in the park, it would be easier for him to talk.

"Yeah, sure. We could go to that big one, I bet it looks nice now with all the flowers and that."

"Do I look like someone who watches flowers?" Brendan groaned and Ste laughed.

"No, probably just me bum."

"Only sight worth watching for." Brendan hugged him closer to his side. "It sounds good, though, the park, so..."

"Yeah, so, well have a nice big breakfast, eh, and rest will work out itself, yeah?" Ste smiled when Brendan nodded to that. "Good. Come on, I'll make you more coffee to wake you up."

"In a minute." Brendan wrapped Ste in his arms and for a long time he just held him tight.

::::::

After shared shower and breakfast they headed out. Steven had been right, the weather was lovely, warm and sunny with mild breeze to make the air feel fresh. They took their time walking to the park, and stopped to pick up some take away coffees on their way. There were traces of tiredness on Steven's face but Brendan guessed no one else wouldn't have noticed that, only him from knowing that face so well. Steven was still so young that staying up whole night didn't much effect his energies. Brendan remembered when he had been that age, the long hours he had worked on clubs and getting wasted after that, spending the hours before dawn in a bed with some random lad. Even without Steven in his life he doubted he could have pull in another all nighter anymore, he needed his sleep and even when they were always late at bed because of work they usually slept late to make that up.

They kept talking about other stuff, work, the kids, some youtube video Steven had seen and tried to explain to Brendan. The usual. It was easy to believe that last night hadn't happened, that everything was normal. Brendan felt bit thrown off by it, after imagining all kind of things Steven would say or do. Yet here he was, catching the sun and chattering away like Brendan had never poured the awful truth on him.

They found a empty bench and sat down, thighs touching. Both of them fell silent for a while and Brendan watched Steven who was looking at some kids playing around in play set further away. Their noises carried to them, normal sounds in a normal day. Brendan could see Steven's eyes starting to gleam and well up.

"Steven, are you okay?"

"I just, I can't believe someone could do that to a child. Ever. What kind of person could..." He took a deep breath to steady himself and when he looked Brendan his heart almost stopped from the amount of hurt and love in Steven's eyes. "You didn't deserve it, no one does."

Brendan didn't know what to say, what would make any of this any easier for Steven to carry. Maybe if they'd talk about it here and now, get it all out they could leave it behind them, there would be no more questions tormenting Steven. "Is there... Is there anything you'd like to know about it?"

Steven sniffed and turned to look the kids again. Brendan waited while he battled to get back his self control.

"You said Mitzeee knows. But no one else? Not even Cheryl?"

"No. Just you and Anne."

"When did you tell her?"

"After I had moved here. After Vincent had died and I was a... I had got Warren locked up and sometimes I was so wasted I couldn't go to Cheryls so I went to Anne's instead. She always took me in, no matter what state I was at. And, one night I was more of a mess than usual, I guess Seamus had called to Chez or something which had made me to look deeper in the bottle, and after picking up some random bloke and getting rid of him I ended up on her doorsteps and... While I was throwing up the whiskey I threw up something else as well. Regretted it in the morning, but she was good, you know, and I guess that's when I started to... Wanted to become better."

"Why haven't you told about Cheryl?" Steven asked carefully.

"I told her about the violence. She was in pieces. Blamed herself for not seeing it. I couldn't make it any worse for her. I didn't want to hurt her. Just like I didn't want to hurt you."

Steven placed his hand on Brendan's thigh. "I'm so sorry you have been carrying this alone."

Brendan quickly touched his hand with his own, still not feeling comfortable with public affection. "Thank you."

"It must have been so hard for you, to grow up and all, without anyone to look after you. I mean I though I was having hard time with Terry and me mum but neither of them ever like, touched me that way, they just smacked me around and -"

"It wasn't 'just', Steven, it wasn't right what they did to you, it's..."

"Yeah, but that's my point, I still had to get over it and realise who I was and... I can't even imagine how that must have been for you."

Brendan considered that. Steven kept waiting when Brendan tried to come up what to say.

"When I was getting older and I started to, you know, notice other people it was kinda... scary to realise I wasn't interested about girls the way I was about other lads, and I used to think it was because of... Because what he had done. That it had made me that way. He used to call me queer so I though that's what made me one and tried not to... Eileen was my friend and I though I should fancy her and I wanted it so badly, to be normal that I forced myself to... I shouldn't have treated her that way, to use her to make myself straight. And when I went to lads behind her back I could hear his voice in my head, and I hated myself and sometimes I beat the bloke I was fancying just for... Punishment, I guess? For making me want them."

"Do you still think you're gay because of him?" Steven seemed disturbed by the though.

"No."

"Because you are not, okay, I can't believe that you are the way you are because of what that bastard -"

"Steven." Brendan made him look at him. "I don't think that. Not anymore. I can't think he has anything to do with us."

"He doesn't." Steven was furious. "What ever he's done to you, you have overcome it, you have got help and you have moved forward and you've done it all by yourself and that's... I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud how strong you are."

And the way Steven was looking at him Brendan almost believed it himself. He let out a short laugh. "I'm glad you think of that now, if you'd seen me few years back..."

"You mean, before you went to talk to anyone? Anger management, was it, I remember you told me once."

"Yeah. And some other therapy too, Anne's idea and I was a dick towards her for a long time before I thought it couldn't get any worse than it already was. It did help, in the end, even when I didn't tell everything about... But the beatings were enough, and names he used to call me, it all fitted the behaviours I had so, what ever tools they gave me they did work." Brendan gave Steven a smile. "I'm glad they did or we wouldn't be here, would we."

"Of course we would. I would have fancied you no matter what."

"And I you, but I don't think I would have been ready for this without sorting things out first." For a second Brendan thought he way he used to lash out for his randoms, how he had hit even Vincent when he hadn't been able to control himself. The thought of doing that to Steven was too horrible to even imagine.

"I would have waited. I would have helped you." Steven looked sure, like nothing in this world wasn't big enough to come between them. Brendan was awed by his faith. Then Steven pulled out his phone. "I guess we should start getting back home so we don't have to rush."

Brendan put his hand on Steven's back for a second when they started to walk back towards they way they came in. Steven was quiet for a while, clearly processing everything.

"So Seamus has never seen Deccy and Paddy, then?" He asked.

"He saw Declan when he was a baby. We used to move a lot with Eileen and I wanted to stay away from him so... I never left Declan alone with him. Eileen knew Seamus was violent, we knew each other since we were wee and she saw my bruises in school so she had no desire to keep him in our lives either. Her parents are enough grandparents to our boys."

"Don't you think we should tell Cheryl, though, with her having a baby and all."

"He always loved her. Never did anything to her, treated her like a princess. All those days in the holiday home, you should have seen him, being the perfect dad for her and then in the nights..." Brendan shook his head. "I often think that her and that bloody house are the only things he ever cared about. Everything else was just something he could use to his own pleasure. I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt Chez."

"Yeah, but..."

"I can't. Steven, I'm okay with you knowing, and Anne, but anyone else... I can't."

"It's okay." Steven touched his arm. "We won't do anything you don't want to."

They had reached the entrance in the park. Brendan put his hand on Steven's chest to stop him, and they turned to face each other.

"Thank you, Steven, for..." He didn't even know what to say. So instead he took his head in his hands and kissed him, and then they were hugging.

"You're mine," Steven mumbled against his neck, "and we will get through this together."

::::::

The next days they didn't talk about it or about Seamus at all, and they both just seemed to wait Cheryl to let them know that Seamus was done with his visit and had fucked off where ever he had come from the first place. Sometimes Ste caught Brendan watching him carefully, like he was looking for some sign that Ste had enough. It just prompted Ste to try and make everything as normal as possible, determined to make Brendan believe that nothing had changed for him. If anything, he loved Brendan more now, after learning the hardships he had been through and seeing how he was now.

It had also seemed like Brendan had thought Ste wouldn't be up for sleeping with him, the careful way he had got next to him in bed after they had come home from work at Tuesday night. But Ste had kissed him, like normal, and pulled Brendan on him, like normal, and soon as Brendan's groin had touched his it was like any other time when the passion took over them. Only when Brendan had fucked him, in the middle of it Ste had slid his hand between their bodies to get some lube from Brendan's dick to his fingers, and then he had crabbed his ass to get him go harder and deeper, sliding his wet fingers down Brendan's crack. Then he had halted, and pulled away from their kisses, needing to see Brendan's face.

"Is this okay?" He had asked, worried it might bring up something bad. But Brendan had just took hold of Ste's hand and slid it further down before resuming his movements, and Ste hadn't thought more of that while he slid one of his fingertip inside Brendan, making him move faster until they both came at the same time.

Mitzeee was back at work on Wednesday evening and she came to see Ste in the kitchen. Michel had his night off so Ste was working alone with the orders, but he could easily handle the amount as they always had biggest rush towards end of the week.

"Hey sweetie," she greeted him and waved a piece of paper towards him, "here's some suggestion of foods Riley's manager would like to see in his party, these are some fancy names and I don't know what half of these are but I assume it's some chef lingo which won't be a problem to you."

"Ta. Put it on the side, there." Ste would go through it with Brendan to make sure he didn't misread anything. Mitzeee went to take paper down on the side desk and picked up one of the magazines one of the staff members had brought in.

"Oooh, is there another review here or do you just enjoy gossip magazines these days?"

"I think there is, yeah, I haven't had time to look it yet. Can you see what's it's like, so I don't have to read it if it's crap?" Also Ste didn't want to get reminded about Walker again if there was another mention of him.

Mitzeee flipped through the magazine until she found the right page, and she read silently for a few moments before frownig. "Yeah I don't think you want to read this."

"Is it bad? Do we need to hide it from Brendan so he won't go and threaten any critique?" He smiled at her and she grinned back before looking the page agan.

"Well it's not so much about the place, it's more about you and him. About your engagement, I mean. Someone has their doubts because they haven't got the scoop about the date yet, saying it all seems fishy. You know, basic gossip. Nothing for you to worry about, but I still wouldn't show this to Brendan." She gave him a wink.

"Bin it then, will ya. Thanks." Mitzeee buried the magazine and then she came closer so she could lower her voice even though they were alone in the kitchen and there was no way their voices would carry over the restaurant side.

"I went to see Brendan earlier. He told me about... He said he told you." She gave Ste a studying look. "Are you okay?"

"Why would you be worried about me when it's him who's... He's the one who has to live with it all and I don't know how to help him." Ste walked to the opening and send off two ready meals, before returning to cook the steaks for his next order.

"And that's why I ask, because you are so worried about him that it does affect you two. Of course it does, what kind of relationship it would be if you'd just go on like normal after your partner is hurt?"

"I'm worried about him. How he will handle all this, Seamus being around and... He though I would, I don't know, leave him because of this? He kept saying he has been fooling me and it's awful to see him like that, and that he would think that of me."

"I'm sure it's not what he truly thinks." Mitzeee said. "It's just very Brendan to always assume the worst from everything and everyone. He knows you love him and would ever walk away from him."

"I won't." Ste started to plate up the dishes. "I just wish there was something I could do, to make that man pay, but Brendan doesn't want anyone to know so..."

"Yeah. He worries about his reputation. Going to police, to court, trying to prove it all... I get it. It can make you question your own feelings and experience being exposed like that." For a second she looked past Ste to some other time, other place, and Ste remembered how she and Brendan had met.

"I guess we all have some experience from being treated like shit, don't we?" Ste said quietly.

"But look where we are now, eh?" She pulled herself back together. "My point is, we can't force Brendan to do anything. We can just support him with what ever happens."

"I know." Ste took the plates to be served. "It just makes me feel helpless, not being able to do anything for him."

"But you do." Mitzeee took him a quick hug. "You do your best to understand him and you love him, it's the best kind of help you can give him."

"Thanks." He felt bit better when someone else said it out loud. "And you too, he's lucky to have a friend like you."

"I'm an angel, aren't I?" She gave Ste her widest smile. "Better get back out there to check what the Irish beast is up to, in case he's taking his mood on some poor customer." She said it with a comical tone but once she was gone Ste couldn't help but worry once again how much Brendan could really take.

On Thursday Ste picked up the kids and took them to town for a quick shopping, as they were invited to a birthday party on Saturday so they wouldn't be coming to Ste and Brendan's place before Sunday. Brendan gave them a lift before heading for the gym as he had been on the mood the whole day and Ste rather wanted him to go and spend his frustration on the machines than force him to stuck with busy shops and two noisy kids. And he liked it, to be with just the kids for a while and they got the gifts sorted and then Ste treated them with cakes in one of the coffee shops.

Friday was like any regular Friday on Baile, busier now when people were more tuned to letting lose, but as they weren't targeted to the wild youngsters most of the customers still had their manners. Still, there were loads of food orders and both Ste and Michel were working hard to get everything done. Brendan hadn't come to see Ste in the kitchen the whole night, so Ste assumed he was just as busy. When there as a bit of a lull in the orders Ste took his break and made his way to Brendan's office.

He knocked and then let himself in, to find Brendan sitting behind the desk with a phone on his ear. He gave Ste what he assumed tried to be a smile, and then said to the phone "Look, Steven just walked in, so why don't I just put you on the speaker, yeah?" and then he fiddled his phone for a second before Cheryl's voice came through.

"Did you do it? Ste? You there?"

"Hi Chez." Ste slid to sit on Brendan's lap as Brendan placed the phone on the desk. "Whazzup?"

"I was just telling Bren, I want to do Nate a nice dinner and I was wondering if you could send me the recipe for that chocolate tart you made some time back when I came over? I've been going on and on for him how good it was and I really would like to try and make it for him."

"Are you sure? It's a bit tricky one. I have some saved on the freezer still, I had to put it away or this one" he patted Brendan's belly "would have eaten it all after you left. I could drop it over some day if you like?"

"Oh you are an absolute life saver!" She laughed. "You're right, I would have probably burnt the chocolate and blown up the kitchen if I'd tried that. Thanks a millions."

"No problem." Ste smiled. "So it's just you two again, is it?"

There was a long silence which made Brendan stiffen and cold sweat run down Ste's back.

"Well, not exactly. Daddy's going away in few days to go and sort out the renovations for the holiday home, so I thought me and Nate could have a couples night before he comes back."

"Comes back?" Brendan's voice was strained. "What do you mean comes back? How long is he staying?"

"Okay, the thing is he... He's kinda moving in. He still has his apartment in Ireland and he has to go and sort that out someday, but after that he's staying with us." Cheryl tried to sound cheery.

"For fucks sake." Brendan rubbed between his eyes.

"Bren, he's old and he's sick and really trying!" Cheryl's voice sounded pained. "Why can't you?"

"My break is over, I call you later." Brendan ended the call. For a second he sat there staring at the phone on the desk, before suddenly pushing Ste off from him he grabbed the phone and threw it against the wall.

"Brendan!" Ste surged to pick up the pieces. It was completely smashed, there was no way to get it put back together again.

"Leave it, Steven." Brendan paced back and forth.

"At least the sim card seems to be okay." Ste studied the piece it was attached to.

"I said leave it!" Brendan shouted. "What's the fucking point, I will never gonna get rid of him now!"

"Okay, I know you're upset, but you need to -"

"Fuck off! I don't need to do anything, you said it yourself, so what's it gonna be, eh?" Brendan stepped closer to Ste, snarl on his face. Ste wasn't going to back down, though, but instead he pushed himself closer, looked him deep in the eye.

"You don't need to do anything about _him_ , yeah, but you need to listen to me! You need to get through this, with me, because that's what we are supposed to do, right? Do you think you could scare me to leave you, is that what you try to do?"

Brendan took a step back and the rage on his face turned to shame. "No, it's... No. Steven, I'm..."

"I know." Ste hugged his arms around Brendan and it took a moment before Brendan hugged him back, carefully at first, then tightly. "I hate him, just as you do, so don't... Don't try to shut me out."

"I won't."

"Good." Ste pulled back and looked the pieced of Brendan's phone on his desk. "Right, mate, you need a new phone, or how else I'm gonna send you nudes?"

Brendan let out a quick laugh even though he still looked shooked. Ste rose up to his toes to give him a peck.

"I need to get back to work before the orders start to rush in again. You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Come to see me if you... If you need me." Another peck and then Ste went back to his kitchen.

Brendan wandered in right before last calls but Ste had anticipated, having some food ready for him. He didn't talk much as he ate, but at one point he reached to touch Ste's hand lightly. "Thank you," was all he said but the weight of those words meant everything.

Once everything was cleared, staff had sent home and place had locked up they left home. They didn't talk much, both of them tired because of the longer shift, but it seemed Brendan expected Ste to say something because soon as they were in bed he gave him a wary look.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Don't talk then." Ste took his hand instead and placed it on top of his crotch. And then they were kissing and then Brendan was flipping Ste on his belly and licking him open before fucking him with long deep pushes which made Ste's toes curls and eyes roll. Brendan didn't come off him after they had come, but rolled them to side instead, spooning Ste. And even when they were both tired and even when Ste started to feel uncomfortable after a while they still stayed like that a long time before Brendan carefully pulled out and they fell asleep like that.

They slept late the next morning as they didn't have to get up to pick up the kids. They had a shower and a breakfast, changed the sheets, put the on the wash. Normal Saturday things, and Ste almost could forget anything ever being wrong. Until Brendan pointed out that he needed a new phone.

"I was thinking I could have a run to town, get a phone from one of those shops and then run back. You know, get a workout at the same time."

"You sure? It's raining a bit." Ste looked the sky filled with dark clouds.

"I'll be fine. I'm Irish, I'm used to the rain." Brendan kissed him. "See you in a bit. Love you."

"Love you." Ste watched him go and then went to do the dishes. He remembered the chocolate tart in the freezer, got his phone and gave Cheryl a call. "Hiya, I was just wondering when you need that tart we were talking yesterday?"

"Well Dad is going away on Monday or Tuesday, and I was planning to arrange the romantic couples night right away once we have a chance for it."

"Right. We have the kids on tomorrow and on Monday is our day off so, I guess I better drop it off today?"

"Oh honey, you can take your kids with you if you want to come tomorrow!"

"No." Ste didn't want neither Leah or Lucas near Seamus, nor ask Brendan to see him. He was aware his reply sounded harder than he meant and he tried to soften it's blow. "It's just, we already have all day planned tomorrow, so. So, if you're home now I could quickly drop it to your place, it won't have time to melt on the way and you can stick it to freezer until The Day."

"Okay, yeah. Is Bren coming with you? Because Dad's not home, he had some business to attend to so..." Cheryl's voice trailed off. She seemed to have realised that despite the fake effort Seamus had put on the other night, he and Brendan wouldn't be part of that dream family she had hoped for.

"He went to town. I'll be on my own. Is it okay if I come straight away?"

Cheryl had no objections for that, so Ste dug the pieces of tart out from the freezer and then wrote Brendan a note. He didn't want to upset him, so instead of saying he was going to Cheryls he just wrote he'd gone to the shops and took the car. Ste also knew Brendan didn't like the idea of him driving alone, even when he had paid the license for Ste the first place, and with roads being slippery from the rain he would worry a lot. Ste hoped that if he would he quick he would be back at home before Brendan anyway, and he would never know Ste had been away.

Despite knowing Seamus was out Ste still felt cold inside when he knocked the door. Cheryl greeted him with all the warmth and smile in her eyesoring pink dress, and pulled Ste in before he had time to decline.

"I'll hide this straight away, I sent Nate to get some milk so he doesn't see this, so your timing was perfect." She rushed in the kitchen.

"So how are you? Any morning sickness or..?" Ste remembered how nauseated Amy had been with Lucas.

"No, thank God, I feel really lucky! I'm just really hungry all the time, and very, eh, horny." They both bursted out laughing. "That's why I'm so glad we get some time alone, it's not easy to get your fiance on the mood when your dad is around!"

"He's really gonna move in, then?" Ste asked.

"Yeah, soon as he gets his flat in Ireland sold. And he's started to prepare the holiday home for us, it's been pretty neglected these past years but it will be such a lovely place to spend time as a family. He's been saying that since his health issues he realised what really means the most in life." She looked happy and glowing. Ste thought he couldn't hide his feelings much longer.

"Well, I need to get off, I want to get back home before Brendan."

"Oh but you just came! Stay for a cuppa!"

"Sorry Cheryl, I need to.. I'll call you, and you need to tell me how that hot night with Nate goes!"

He rushed out and down the stairs, almost slipping from the wet step and then he almost bumped on Nate in the bottom of them.

"Oh hello!" Nate greeted. "Going already? Cheryl said she's gonna make some tea, just picked up some milk for it." He lifted up the shopping bag.

"Yeah, sorry, I need to rush. You have lovely time though." Ste edged past him, but then he stopped and turned back. "Nate? Just between you and me... How do you feel about Seamus moving in?"

Nate had a quick look around and considered for a long time. "It's making Cheryl very happy." He finally said.

"Yeah, but what about you?"

"It's bit awkward, but if it's good for her and for the baby..." Then he decided to drop the act. "To be honest, I find him bit... off? I can't put my finger on it. And Cheryl, she's... When he's around she's like this little girl, like he somehow makes her go back to the childhood."

Ste nodded. "Yeah. I understand. Are you going to say anything for her?"

"Not really sure how. She's so excited with the baby and him being around. We'll just need to see how it goes, I guess."

"Okay." Ste gave him a quick smile. "Well, I need to be going. See you around."

His thoughts were racing when he started to drive away from Cheryl's neighbourhood. Nate didn't like Seamus either, if only Ste could convince him to say something, surely Cheryl would want to please her fiance... Unless she would get upset and want to end it with Nate. She wouldn't do that, would she?

Ste snapped back from his thoughts and focused on the traffic. He hated this part of the area, so many tight corners and blind spots, he had to drive carefully and it had started to rain, heavily, making it even harder to see.

Then, like his thoughts had summoned him, Seamus stepped on the road behind one of the corners. It was like time was slowing down during the next two seconds. Seamus wasn't looking the road but instead staring at his phone, hood up to protect him from the rain. Two seconds, to make the decision to either push the break to avoid hitting him, or go on with the same speed and drive him over.

It wasn't a hard choice.


	5. Chapter 5

Brendan was glad he didn't have to wait long in the shop before some overly eager assistant came to him and sorted him with the new phone. The guy tried to sell him some expensive newest model first, but Brendan just wanted something simple; he hardly did any fancy stuff with it anyway, and long as he was able to read his mail and took pictures alongside with regular calling and texting he was good to go. He had his sim card with him and after he had paid the assistant set the phone up for him so it was ready to use straight away. He then ran back home and got soaked on the way, because it had started to rain more but he didn't mind. He thought about Steven waiting him at home, and that kept him warm enough.

Brendan still couldn't believe his luck for finding that boy, that man, who made it clear with everything he did that he was on Brendan's side. No matter how gloomy Brendan had been over the time of Seamus being around, no matter what he had told Steven about his childhood, Steven was constantly working to pull him out from those thoughts and focus on what they had now. He was as hungry for Brendan as he always was, not shying away or seeing him as the weak victim as he had worried. If only Seamus would leave, and Brendan wouldn't have to worry about running into him or how hurt Cheryl would be when she couldn't get Brendan spend any time with Seamus.

He let himself into their apartment.

"I'm back!" He shouted, but there was no answer. He kicked off his muddy shoes and went into kitchen. There was a note on the table, with Steven's handwriting in it.

 _Gone shops. Took the car. Back soon, love u X_

Brendan couldn't help to feel a shiver of anxiety for the thought of Steven driving alone in this weather, but he tried to tell himself he was being silly. It was just rain, and where they lived it rained a lot, and Brendan would have to get used to Steven doing things alone. Still, after the Walker incident he had become even more protective over the lad and felt nervous every time they were apart.

He thought about getting rid of his wet clothes and hitting the shower, but he was thirsty so he went into the fridge at first and poured himself a large glass of orange juice. While he was drinking he pulled out his new phone to check it out. He noticed that the assistant had left it on silent mode, and that there was three missed calls from Cheryl and a voice mail. He took the phone to his ear to listen it.

"Bren, it's me, call me when you get this. We're in a hospital, there's been an accident, it's Ste -"

Brendan didn't listen any longer but was already running, grabbing his keys as he went and pulling the first shoes he could find on his feet before rushing through the door. The hospital was few miles from their place but Brendan hardly noticed the distance while he ran through the parks and past people in the streets, almost getting hit by a car few times when he rushed over the roads. His heart was racing and not only because of running. If something had happened to Steven he wouldn't know what he would do, if there was any point of going on without him. He needed to know, needed to see him. _Please God_ , he prayed as he run, _let him be alright, I do anything, anything._

He rushed through the hospital doors shouting Steven's name. Some of the nurses tried to stop him but he pushed past them, following the signs to emergency. He pushed through the last set of doors and there Steven was, sitting on a chair in a corridor, looking pissed as hell, but alive.

"Steven!" Brendan knelt in front of him, grabbed his face, studied him. "Steven, are you okay, are you hurt?"

"What, no, I'm fine." Steven seemed to be unharmed but he was still pouting and his eyes were dark. "I thought Cheryl called you?"

"She did, she left me a message saying there was an accident and you were in a hospital. Didn't listen the rest when I was... Is she okay, is it her, is it the baby?"

"No, Bren, she's okay too, and so is the baby. What, you thought it was me who got hurt? Did you ran all the way here?" Steven seemed just now realise Brendan was breathless. "I'm sorry, I should have called you myself, but I was held up and -"

"Of course I ran, you had the car. So it's not you? You are okay? What was the accident then?" Brendan was confused, but then there was a man approaching them. Police, he realised while he got up and stood as close to Steven as he could.

"Alright, we talked to mister Brady and he doesn't want to press any charges, as it was an accident and due to a bad weather. We have to give you a fine though." The police was writing something down and then seemed to spot Brendan. "Ah, you must be..."

"Brendan Brady, Steven's fiance." Brendan looked Steven who was staring at the wall with that same hostile expression he had seen on him before. "You hit someone, Steven?"

"So you must be mister Brady's son, then." Officer wrote something else down. "Well this will be something to talk about in the Christmas dinner, eh?" He smiled them like he was finding something funny. "I'll leave you to it, have a good afternoon and drive safely from now on, yeah?" He handed some papers to Steven, gave them a nod and walked away.

"Steven, would you tell me what the hell happened?" Brendan demanded. Steven shot him a quick glance.

"I hit your dad with a car."

"What?"

"I was seeing Cheryl, right, and he came out of nowhere and it was raining and I... He's okay though, I wasn't going that fast because you can't on that road, can you, so he just hurt his leg or something. I drove him here and Cheryl came with us, she's with him now."

Steven still looked pissed off, but Brendan wasn't able to say was it from the shock of having the accident or something else – something he was almost too afraid to ask. But then Cheryl was strolling towards them through the corridor and Brendan didn't have time for any more questions, at least for now.

"Bren! You got my message then!" She came in for a hug but then pulled back quickly. "Ew, you're all wet! I just came to let you know that Daddy is doing okay, he just has a broken ankle. The doctors say he doesn't need a surgery so that's good news! But it will he hard for him to move around now, oh he's just having the worst luck lately, he's not been well and then he lost his car keys and now this." She stopped to take a deep breath and then gave Brendan a big smile. "He'll be pleased to know you came to see him, and Ste has been so sweet driving us here. Do you wanna come in and see him now?"

"I'm..." Brendan did not want to do anything like that. "No, Chez, I just came to pick Steven up."

"Oh." Her face dropped. "I thought..."

She looked like she was about to cry. Brendan couldn't look at her. Then Steven pushed himself up, his arm warm and steady against Brendan's.

"We better go now, to get you in dry clothes before you catch anything." He said to Brendan, then to Cheryl "Tell Seamus to... get well."

"Okay. See you later then." She kept looking at them like hoping Brendan would suddenly change his mind, but Steven kept nudging him to move until he finally started to walk away towards the exit.

"Where's the car?" Brendan asked once they were outside. "And you better give me the keys, you ain't driving."

Steven pulled the keys out from his pocket and tossed them to Brendan before starting to march through the parking lot. Brendan followed his trail until he too could spot their car. They got in and neither of them said a word during their short drive home. Every time Brendan glanced at Steven he was staring out, his bottom lip pouting and eyebrows frowning.

"Steven." Brendan tried when he had parked on their street, but Steven was already out and storming towards their house so Brendan had no choice than to rush after him. His worry and fear, and the relief after learning Steven was okay, started to make room for anger and frustration. "For fuck sake, will you just tell me what happened?" He almost shouted soon as they got inside. Steven tried to walk to the living room but Brendan grabbed his arm to stop him. "You just drove over my dad and wont talk about it? Tell me what what happened."

Steven yanked his arm free and shrugged, avoiding Brendan's eye. "I don't know. He just got in front of me out of no where. And it was raining, it was hard to see. I went to see if he was alright and he said his leg hurt so I drove him to Cheryl's and she freaked out. So I drove us in the hospital where you found us. Only when they heard he was hit by a car someone phoned a police because they thought it was like, hit and run, instead of an accident."

"Was it just an accident? Steven?" Brendan tried to catch his eye, but Steven kept staring the wall.

"Of course it was."

"Steven."

Steven finally looked at him and his gaze was full of fury. "So what if it wasn't? Broken ankle is nothing compared what he did to you, is it."

"Jesus, Steven." Brendan shook his head.

"And you know what, I'm sorry it was a ankle he busted and not his head or anything, cause that would have been more fair." Steven was blazing now. "I would have speed up if I could have but he was too close, I didn't have any time."

"Do you even hear yourself?" Brendan took a step closer but Steven didn't budge, the little bugger stood his ground and stared Brendan straight in the eye. "You stand there, talking about driving over people like it's nothing, are you fucking kidding me?"

"Not people, just him." Steven shoot back.

"So this is what you gonna be doing now, trying to murder him every time you see him?" Brendan tried to battle to keep his voice down, but he was failing.

"I might, yeah. Because I wish he was dead. I wish he would have died. I wish that guy wasn't coming in our direction when I hit your dad, so I could have driven over him instead of just knock him down. I want to kill him, and I want it to hurt." Stevens voice was rising up to match Brendan's, and Brendan had never seen him so animated. "He hurt you. Did you honestly think I would just let it be?"

Brendan's hands grabbed Steven's shirt and then he was pushing him against the wall in such force that it knocked the air out of him. Brendan crushed their mouths together and forced his tongue down on Steven's throat. Steven got his mobility back and his hands were on Brendan's wet hoodie, groping until he found the zipper blindly and pulled it open before pulling his T-shirt off his pants and sliding his hands underneath it. Brendan could feel his nails scraping against his sides and stomach, while his owns were pulling Steven's track suit top off from him. Soon as Steven had pushed off Brendan's hoodie and he had got rid of Steven's top they broke off from kissing just long enough to get their T-shirts off and then they were kissing again. Steven was trapped between the wall and Brendan, his nails were scoring down where ever they could reach until Brendan grabbed his wrists and pushed his arms over his head against the wall. He held them both of them in one hand and pulled back a little to give him a good look. Steven's eyes were dark, lips red and wet and his chest was heaving. He almost looked so skinny he would break if Brendan would snap him, but he knew better; this man would bend and match anything Brendan would give to him.

Brendan pushed his free hand inside Steven's pants and found his dick rock hard already, and when he squeezed it Steven let out a moan. He latched his mouth on Steven's throat and started to lick and bite there while Steven fucked his fist, grinding and squirming against Brendan. Brendan pulled back, manhandled Steven around and yanked his pants down. He spit on his hand and stroked his fingers down on Steven's crack and pushed straight in. Steven cried out and pushed his bum further, and Brendan pulled his fingers out, dropped to his knees and pushed his tongue inside him. Steven was gasping and cursing when Brendan roughly and quickly opened him before rising back up and pushing his own pants down enough to get his cock out. He spit on his palm again and stroked it on himself before grabbing Steven's bum and pushing in.

"Fuck!" Steven fingers scraped over the wall. For a second Brendan thought it was hurting him too much, as Steven was used to get fucked with plenty of lube, but then Steven pushed against him. "Fuck," he cried again when Brendan started to move, "Fuck, fuck, fu - " and then it was just noises, Steven crying and moaning when Brendan fucked him. When Brendan leaned forward and bit down on Steven's shoulder he screamed so loud that Brendan would have worried their neighbours calling the police if he would have been able to thing anything else than the tight heat of Steven and how alive he felt around him.

Brendan slid his hand around Steven's waist and took hold of his dick, and it only took a few stroke before he felt Steven exploding all over his hand. The noises he made and the way his body was shaking threw Brendan over the edge too, and he came hard, grunting against Steven's ear as he had him pinned against the wall. They were both panting hard and then they were sliding down, slumped on the floor, Brendan's back against the wall and Steven leaning against him.

It took some time for them to get their breath back, and then they turned to look one another at the same time and let out a laugh.

"You okay?" Brendan asked while stroking Steven's hair. There was red markings on his neck from where Brendan had bit him.

"Yeah. You?" Steven smiled when Brendan nodded. They stayed quiet for a while until Steven said "I have done something else, too."

"Hmm?" It took a second for Brendan to remember what they had been talking about before the sex, but now their argument came back to his mind. "What, Steven?"

"I stole his credit card number." Steven said calmly. "You remember when I went in the town with kids? I took them for treats in that one internet cafe and used their computer. Seamus Brady has now made a big donation to LGTBQ-youths." When Brendan didn't say anything Steven turned to look at him. "Are you mad?"

"No, I'm... Steven, I don't care what you do to him, but I care about you. What if you get caught? What if you would have killed him and you would have been locked up for that? Eh? Steven, listen to me. I can't lose you." Brendan pulled him closer to his side.

"You won't." Steven nuzzled his skin.

"You need to promise me, Steven, no more trying to kill him or... Or anything that could put you in danger."

"I want him to pay what he did to you." Steven said again, "I can't just stand by and do nothing."

"But you do so much. You're here." For a while they sat quietly and then Brendan reached down to pull Steven's pants back up and stuffed his own cock into his. "Wanna get cleaned up before work?"

"Yeah." They got up and made their way to upstairs, and once they had stripped off they shared a hot shower. Brendan didn't mention the incident again and neither did Steven, but somehow, judging by the very determined look on Steven's eyes Brendan felt that the thing was far from over.

::::::

Saturday was so busy at work that Ste didn't have much time to think about what had happened with Seamus, not until he and Brendan had got home in early hours of Sunday morning and were burrowed under the blankets. Ste had been sore for their earlier fuck but had given Brendan a quick and sloppy blowjob, and Brendan had fallen asleep soon after. Ste had been tired too, but despite that and being held by Brendan his thoughts had been running wild, going back to the events of the day.

He remembered the satisfying noise from when he had hit Seamus and his yelp when he had gone over, and that scary feeling of wanting to keep on going. But there had been another car coming which had stopped so Ste had to stop too, and he had to go out and pretend he cared how Seamus was doing. He had seen the surprise on Seamus's face when he recognised Ste, and how hard it had been for him not to lash out for him when Ste so kindly offered to drive him to home. And the whole time when Seamus had sat in his car Ste had fantasies about driving him somewhere remote and smashing his head in with a rock, leaving his body to foxes and crows.

It was disturbing how much Ste wanted to do something like that. After growing up with violent stepdad and no-good mum, after getting past his own troubled behaviour he had thought that these kind of thoughts would never come to him again. But nothing couldn't have ever prepare to him the protectiveness he felt towards Brendan and the utter hate he had for a man who had cause him pain.

He only got few hours of sleep before they had to get up and fetch the kids. They had a lovely day, with weather being nice they spend few hours in a park before coming back home, and then Ste sneakily got the kids do some minor garden works in their small back yard, as he had the idea that kids could like to try growing some veggies there. They chose a suitable patch before starting to remove the weeds and turn the ground over. The kids loved it, they got to get dirty and Lucas found all kind of exciting bugs, which made Brendan suddenly remember some stuff he had to do inside. He came back out some time later with a cup of coffee for Ste, who by then had stood back and let the kids do the work themselves.

"Proper child labourer." Brendan mused.

They had a Skype call with Declan and Paddy before Brendan had to go to work, and it was lovely to see all four kids chatting away. Declan threw some hints about him wanting to come visit them again, but Brendan didn't invite him in – Ste knew he wouldn't want the lads here while Seamus was around, and it made him worry more about their future when it now seemed that Seamus was here to stay.

Kids were already getting ready for their evening routines when Brendan left for work for few hours just to check everything was running smoothly. After kids had their baths Ste told them stories and once they were sleeping he decided to give Cheryl a call to ask if she was okay after the shock and how Seamus was doing. She sounded delighted that Ste called.

"We are all fine, Daddy's in lot of pain but trying not to show it and make me worry, bless him. Thanks for checking in, I'll tell him you asked"

Ste was glad she couldn't see his pleased smile when he imagined Seamus and his aching foot.

"Ste?" She sounded more careful now. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah? What is it?" He swallowed nervously. Had she figured it all out, she must have, she had seen how Ste and Brendan were around Seamus.

"Well, now when the baby is on it's way, and Daddy being here and all, we've, me and Nate I mean, we have thought we would like to move the wedding forward. I want to fit into my dress, after all." She let out a chuckle. "Anyway, we never had a proper engagement party, did we, so we are throwing one next Friday. And I know that Bren and Dad still don't come along, but... I was hoping if you could somehow convince Brendan to come? It would mean the world to me to have you both there."

Ste felt the sudden rush of rage. He wanted to tell her, tell her everything, and then ask would she seriously think he or Brendan would want to spend any second with that man. He had to control himself but his voice still was cold when he spoke. "Brendan is a grown man, he can make his own decisions and I'll support him with it. I'm sorry Chez, but if he doesn't want to see his dad I won't ask him to."

"I know." She sounded defeated. "But could you just ask, please?"

He wanted to say no. "Okay," he said instead, thinking he could leave the whole thing without mentioning if he didn't find a suitable moment for it. But then he thought how hurt Brendan would be if he learned he had missed his sisters engagement party. He deserved to make that decision himself.

"Thank you. If it's any consolation, there will be lots of other guests too, so it's not like the dinner we had earlier if he... If Brendan doesn't want to talk with Daddy."

"I'll make sure I'll tell him." Ste said.

They wrapped up the call soon after that, and Ste tried to watch some telly but he couldn't focus on it. He fetched their laptop instead, and after some hesitation he opened google and tried to think what search words to use.

 _Sexual abuse survivors_ , he finally wrote in, and there were several pages and studies instantly in front of him. He randomly opened one and started to read. It was hard, with many difficult and long words he didn't understand, but he tried to make some sense out of it. He went back for the search and chose another article, and then another, reading stories from victims and statements from psychiatric of how things like that could affect someone through their lives. He was horrified of the things he came across, but he also wanted to learn – the more he knew about it the better help he could be to Brendan when he needed it.

He hadn't realise the time before he heard Brendan's key on the lock. He quickly closed the tab and cleared the search history just when Brendan peeked his head from the living room door.

"Hey, what are you still doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep, got stuck with planning." Ste closed the laptop when Brendan walked to sat next to him, and then Ste reached his arms around his neck and gave him a long, soft kiss. "Mmm."

"What were you looking up, then?" Brendan asked and stroked the side of Ste's neck.

"Wedding stuff." Ste smiled against his mouth. "Honeymoon and such."

"Yeah? Where am I taking you?"

Ste let out a laugh. "I think the point is that we go there together so it's something what we both want."

Brendan looked at him in such way that Ste got flushed by it. "I don't care." His thumb was still stroking Ste's neck and slid to play with his ear. "As long as you're there I'm happy."

"I just want to be with you, too." Ste said quietly. "I'm kinda regretting we promised Cheryl to wait, because I just want to marry you already."

"Me too." Brendan leaned closer for another kiss and they went on for a good while, just kissing and holding on each other until things started to feel more heated up. Brendan broke off and leaned his forehead against Ste's. "We don't want to wake the kids."

"And I need to get up in few hours to take them to school and nursery, I should get some sleep before that." But they still remained there kissing for a little while longer, before finally getting up quietly. Ste went straight to bed while Brendan went to bathroom, and soon as he joined him in the bed Ste pushed himself as close as he could. "You better not have any plans for tomorrow, though." He whispered, "'cause I want you to fuck me all day."

"That so?" Ste could feel Brendan shifting as the thought made him excited.

"Mm." Ste deliberately brushed his pelvis against Brendan's crotch. "Sleep tight. Love you."

He could feel Brendan's low laugh more than hear it, the deep rumble of it inside his chest before he gave Ste one last kiss. "Love you too."

Ste slept better that night, and he slid out of Brendan's hold in the morning feeling rested and relaxed. He went into bathroom before waking the kids, and after he had his wash he took a quick snap of his dick to be sent for Brendan later. Then he got the kids up, made sure they ate well and had all their stuff with them before first walking Lucas to nursery and then Leah to school. Kids chattered a lot while they walked, both still excited about their little garden batch. Lucas had decided he wanted to grow watermelons and bananas, which was not quite the tomatoes and herbs Ste had in mind.

Once Ste had dropped the kids off he sent the dick pic he took earlier to Brendan's phone. _U up yet?XXX_

Few minutes later he got a reply, picture of Brendan's morning glory. _Just for you._

Ste almost ran home, thankful that the distance wasn't so long. Soon as he let himself in he rushed to upstairs and to their bedroom. Brendan was still in bed and there was sleep in his eyes, but he grinned widely and threw the cover aside when he saw Ste. Ste didn't spend too much time for stripping his hoodie, trackies and underwear and jumping on him.

"Someone's eager." Brendan teased, and his mouth tasted like toothpaste – he had been up after all, if nothing else than brushing his teeth.

"Wanted to make sure you don't forget today's plan." Ste grinded their groins together while kissing him, already reaching for the lube.

"Baby, you won't be able to walk once I'm done with you." Brendan promised and then Ste was sighing out when Brendan's fingers started to stretch him open.

For the longest time Ste was unable to think anything else than Brendan and what they were doing. His hands on him, his tongue, how he seemed to fill Ste completely, not just physically but his soul too. The way Brendan kept watching him when Ste rode him, or his crushing weight when Brendan was on top of him. While they were getting their breaths back on between he never stopped touching him, and there were moments when they were laughing and mucking about, and moments when they just looked at one another and no words were needed. Ste loved it when Brendan blew him first and then fucked him again when he was all spent, and he loved how he got him all ready again. And when Ste truly was legless Brendan went down and brought them drinks and food. At some point they did manage to get washed up and make it downstairs, just to have sex on their kitchen table.

Ste had missed this. The joy they got from one another, the feeling that there was no one else in the world. Since Seamus arrived that tension had been hanging over them but now they had managed to forget all that for several hours.

It couldn't last, of course. It was a late afternoon when they had finally done with the sex for a while and had taken their spots on the sofa, Ste half laying on top of Brendan when they watched one of their series. And as much as Ste hated to bring the subject up he knew he would have to.

"Brendan? I called with Cheryl yesterday."

"Yeah? How is she?" Brendan's hand kept stroking Ste's side.

"Well, yeah. They are going to have a engagement party or something like that."

Brendan's hand halted for a second before continued it's movements. "That's nice."

"She asked if we'd come but I said I'd ask you first."

It took a while before Brendan replied. "When is it?"

"Next Friday."

"We're at work, aren't we?"

"We don't have to be. They survived without us the weekend when lads were here, remember? We could take that night off, if we wanted to." Ste pushed himself up so he could look at Brendan. "Do you want to?"

Brendan sighed. "I guess. It's Chez's thing, I would hate to miss it."

"He'll be there." Ste said carefully.

"I know." Brendan looked at him. "Steven, I have been forced to be in the same space with him before. If it's for her, then... Couple of hours won't kill me. Hey, what's wrong?"

Ste hadn't realised he was in brink of crying before Brendan touched his cheek. "I hate that you have to be near him to be near your sister. You shouldn't have to do that decision."

"It's fine. As long as you don't go attacking him again, hm?" Brendan tried to joke and it made Ste feel even more miserable. "Steven. Seriously. I have lived with this all my life. I can take it."

"I love you so much."

"I know. Come here." Brendan wrapped Ste in his arms. Eventually they resumed to watch the show which had rolled on in the background, and to their normal chatting. By the time they phoned in some take away Ste had almost managed to push the whole thing out from his mind again and focused just on Brendan. And later in the night, when Brendan had sucked him off one last time Ste went to sleep first time in weeks without worrying.

The next days they sorted things out in their club so they could have the Saturday off. Michel seemed pleased that Ste trusted him enough to handle one of the busiest night alone, and Mitzeee didn't have anything against taking the charge for one extra night. She did seem bit worried when she heard why they needed that night off, but didn't say anything.

They also spent some time in shops, trying to find something as an engagement present for Cheryl and Nate. They finally found a pair of classy looking tea cups which they might like, and got some fancy, expensive tea to go with them.

"We never had engagement party." Ste said when he carried the carefully packed and gift wrapped present to their car. "Should we?"

"Do you want to?" Brendan asked. He didn't seem very keen for the idea which made Ste laugh.

"Nah, I don't really see the point, do I? I mean, it's not like our wedding is gonna be anything big, either, so why have a party for the same people who are going to come to the actual wedding?"

"My thoughts exactly. I guess it's different for Cheryl, she's been dreaming about her wedding for years so she wants to milk all from it."

"Oi, you saying you didn't spent years dreaming about marrying a chav twink?" Ste teased. Brendan smiled at him.

"This is something I never expected to happen, but I'm glad it did."

Ste had no more jokes for that, instead he just kissed Brendan soon as they got in the car.

Friday arrived, as much as Ste wanted it not to. Brendan had been surprisingly calm through the week but now he was finally getting edgy again, not having the appetite and finally snapping for Ste when he tried to get him to eat something.

"I'm not fucking hungry, stop fussing like some housewife!"

"Fuck off, Brendan!" Ste shouted back. "I know you're nervous, there's no reason to get it on to me! Listen," he dropped his voice back to normal, "we don't have to go, we can cancel and just have a chill night at home."

"Can't do that to her." Brendan mumbled and stared the floor. "She's expecting us."

"Yeah, but -"

"Were're going." He said and Ste could only sigh and do what Brendan wanted.

Cheryl had said the party started at five, but they waited until it was almost six before leaving, to make sure they wouldn't be the first one there and that Seamus would be busy with other quests. It was a good plan, because soon as they arrived to the pub Cheryl and Nate had chosen there were a nice crowd in already. There was a man on the door and when he heard they were part of the private event he guided them to the left side, where they had a cabinet all for them, with seats and small tables and one long one, which had snacks on the other end and the pile of presents on the other.

"You came!" Cheryl rushed towards them and gave them both hugs and kisses. She looked bit more toned down than usual, with smart white blouse and dark blue skirt.

"You look lovely." Ste said. "And the place looks great!"

"I know, yeah, it's so great we managed to get this arranged in such a short notice, and that so many people still came!" She was glowing. "Oh, is that for me?" She eyed the present.

"It's for _you_." Brendan smiled. "As in you and Nate."

"It will take time for me to get used to share my thunder." She laughed and winked. "Thank you so much, you can put it on the table with the rest, _we_ will be opening them later on."

They took the present on the table and got themselves something to drink – beer for Ste and whiskey for Brendan. Ste spotted Seamus sitting in one of the tables, his right leg spread right and cane next to him, but he decided not to focus on him and instead he tried to make some small talk with other guests.

Cheryl's friends seemed like a nice group, and there were group of men who were old school friends of Nate, and who had lot of stories about boarding school they all attended to. Ste was having better time than he expected, but he noticed Brendan wasn't able to relax completely and he was drowning whiskeys more than probably was wise. Every time Ste glanced towards Seamus he saw him staring either him or Brendan, except when Cheryl took him something to drink or eat and he looked like completely different person.

At some point Ste was just getting himself another drink when Seamus was limping from the loo's and they couldn't really avoid each other anymore.

"Do I need to worry about my other leg?" Seamus asked and Ste gave him a thin smile.

"How are you, then?"

"Lot's of aches and pains. Old bones don't heal that easy." Seamus's eyes were dark.

"Pity." Ste replied. Then he tried to change the subject. "It's a nice party."

"Yes, just the best for my girl." Seamus's eyes went soft for a second when he looked over to Cheryl but soon as they turned to Ste they were hard again. "She tells me you have a girl, too. How did that work out?"

"I don't have to tell you about birds and bees, do I?" Ste asked. "I have a son too."

"Do you now? How do their mother think about your lifestyle?"

"She has no problem with it." Ste felt his anger rising to new levels. "Why would she?"

"You know what they say about gay men and children."

Ste stared at him. "What I've heard it's the straight men who are the monsters." There was a momentary confusion on Seamus's face and then Ste was sure he knew what Ste meant. He couldn't reply tho because one of Cheryl's friends came to nudge Ste, wanting to ask about his venues for her wedding anniversary. Ste gladly turned his back for Seamus for to talk with her, and over her head he spotted Brendan on the other side of the room. He clearly had seen Ste talking with Seamus, and Ste mouthed _Are you okay?_ to him which Brendan gave one nod.

Soon as Ste was able to politely leave Cheryl's friend he made his way to Brendan. Ste could tell he was getting drunk from the way he looked even more brooding than usual, and he was just about to suggest they'd go even if it would be bit weird to leave before Cheryl and Nate had opened the presents, but just then Nate asked everyone's attention as they were about to start to go through the gifts.

Ste and Brendan remained in the back, where it was hard to see what was going on but Cheryl's excited squeals and Nate's polite thank you's were enough to tell they were enjoying what ever they were getting. They seemed to love the tea-set from Ste and Brendan too, momentarily turning everyone's attention towards them when they called their thanks to them before moving on to the next one.

They were almost through with the pile of presents when they picked up a small box from the table.

"This one's from Daddy!" Cheryl said when she read the note attached to it. "Let's see what it is!" She opened the box and let out a gasp. Ste craned his neck to see her pull out a set of keys. Both she and Nate looked shocked. "Are these..."

"Keys to the holiday home." Seamus explained and got up from his seat with big sigh and limped to them in front of the room. "I was about to go and check the renovation process before the accident, but the builders have said it's coming up nicely so it should be ready by the summer, ready to create more happy memories for my girl."

"Oh Daddy!" She flung her arms around him and was half laughing half crying. Then Nate was shaking his hand and thanking him. Cheryl clutched the keys and wiped tears from her face, and looked over the crowd until she spotted Brendan and made her way to him. "Oh Bren, I don't want you to think it as my place now, it's yours as well, you can always go there when you want to and we can make shared holidays there, wouldn't it be wonderful! You could take the boys and the little ones, and we could all go and relive those happy days just like when we were kids!"

"Yeah, it's... That's very kind of you." Ste could see how Brendan was shaking a bit, but Cheryl gave him a quick hug before rushing back to Nate and her dad. Ste touched Brendan's back.

"You okay?" He asked. Brendan nodded but he didn't look like it, and he drank his whiskey at one go. "Okay, maybe we should leave, I just go to the loos and then I call us a taxi, yeah?"

Only he got held back again – One of Nate's friends had figured out where he knew Ste and started to ask about his career on TV, how he got the job and his connections, as he had some dream of becoming a news anchor or whatever, hoping Ste could arrange him something. Ste tried to stay polite and answer what ever he could, while he kept scanning the room but he couldn't see Brendan anywhere. Then Nate was approaching them.

"Sorry, Ste, could I steal you for a moment?"

"Of course. Excuse me," he said to Nate's friend and followed Nate who was taking him out from the pub. "What's going on?"

"It's Brendan." Nate said, and Ste's heart instantly dropped. When they got outside he saw Brendan sitting on the ground, leaning his head on his arms. He had another empty whiskey glass next to him on the ground.

"Brendan? You alright?" Ste knelt next to him. Brendan lifted his head and tried to focus on Ste, but it seemed like too much of a task. "I think you've had enough, mate, lets get you home."

Nate helped Ste to pull Brendan up to his feet. He was swaying a bit before gained his balance and shook them off. "I'm fine."

"Should I call you a gab?" Nate asked, looking worried.

Ste considered. It wasn't a long walk, and it might sober Brendan up, but there was also the possibility of Brendan being too drunk to walk. But Brendan was already shaking his head.

"We're fine, aren't we Steven?"

"You sure you can walk?" Ste asked and Brendan threw him annoyed look.

"What am I, a child?"

"No, you're drunk."

"Nonsense." Brendan turned to Nate. "We'll get off now." Then to both Ste's and Nate's surprise he embraced Nate. "Thank you for taking care of my sister. You'll be a good dad, won't you?" And then he peered Nate, one hand on his shoulder for support. "Promise me you keep him away from the baby. If it's a boy, you keep him away."

Ste tugged Brendan's arm. "Come on, let's go home."

"Promise me." Brendan repeated. "He's no good with boys." Nate was frowning but then to Ste it looked like he was figuring something out. Brendan had already let go of him and had started to walk towards their home. Nate watched after him and then looked Ste.

"You sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, for... " Ste made a vague gesture, and then ran after Brendan.

Brendan seemed to have troubles walking straight even when his strides were long and purposeful. Ste reached to touch his arm but Brendan shook him off.

"I'm fine, Steven."

"Are you? Listen, I know you must be upset about the holiday house -"

"I'm not." His tone and volume said otherwise. "She's welcomed to it, to have her dream summers there, I don't care. The whole place can rot, all I care."

"Yeah that's why I think it upset you." Ste was getting breathless from having to half run to stay in Brendan's pace. "Because you would want to forget the whole place, and now you can't because Cheryl has it, and she'll keep asking us to go there. That's what this is about, isn't it."

"No." Brendan said but he didn't look at Ste and his face was grim. "Will you shut up now?"

"I won't." Ste shook his head. "You need to talk about this, you need to let me help you."

"I said shut up!"

Couple things happened simultaneously; Ste was reaching Brendan's arm again while Brendan swung it to stop Ste from touching him, making Ste lose his pose a bit; and then his foot hit on a lose tile on the street and before Ste could gain his balance he was already tumbling down with a yelp. He threw his arms to take off the worst of the falling and he would feel the skin in his palm breaking.

He swore and looked up. Brendan had frozen in middle of his step, the arm Ste had been reaching still facing upwards and there was pure horror on his face.

"Brendan?" Ste was instantly forgetting his aching hands as he was shocked of the look on Brendan. "What is it?"

"Did I hit you?" His voice was breaking and Ste could see him starting to shake when he dropped his arm. "I didn't mean to, I swear, I'm..."

"What? No, Brendan, you didn't, I just fell." Ste started to push himself up but Brendan was taking steps back, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Steven, I... I didn't mean to..."

"Brendan," Ste tried but he was darting away from him and by the time Ste was up Brendan had already put several feet of space between them and he kept on going, rushing in the dark. "Brendan, come back!" Ste shouted, desperate now, but Brendan was already gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Ste ran towards the same direction Brendan had disappeared. How on earth he had been so fast while being so drunk? For the first time Ste felt annoyed that Brendan had such long, sexy legs which made him so quick.

"Brendan!" He shouted again, but got no answer. Ste was getting more panicky, but tried to remain cool as he knew that there was no way he could find Brendan if he would start to freak out. Brendan was drunk, so he couldn't have gone far in the state he was in. Ste saw a couple who was coming to his direction and he rushed towards them. "Excuse me, did you see a bearded bloke go past you right now?"

"Yeah," the woman pointed towards the park, "there was a man with a beard going that way."

"Thanks." Ste picked up his pace. He cursed himself for falling down, and he cursed Brendan for being so drunk he couldn't see it had been an accident. But at the same time he could understand why Brendan had freaked out. He had mentioned his past violent behaviour, and Seamus's presence had pushed him on the edge so Ste could only imagine how hard it was for him to control himself. But he trusted Brendan with all his heart, and knew he wouldn't hurt him. It just seemed Brendan didn't trust himself.

He reached the park and the gates were still open, so he got in and tried to peer in the dark. He tried to think what Brendan would do and where he would go. There was a bench not far from where Ste now was, where he and Brendan often sat when they were in here; there was a swing set nearby so if they had the kids they could keep an eye on them while sitting there. Ste decided to follow his guts and made his way on to that direction, hoping he would find his man before the park was closed.

Soon as he walked past one of the curve on the path he saw he had been right. It seemed Brendan's drunkenness had finally caught him again, as he was sitting there, head on hands, looking completely miserable. He didn't even notice Ste's approach until Ste sat next to him. Brendan looked up, startled.

"Steven." He blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"I came after you, you idiot. What were you thinking, running off like that?" Ste couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. "You promised you'd never leave me, remember? So you can't, ever."

"I pushed you." Brendan turned his gaze, like looking at Ste was too much. "I'm no good for you, hurting you like that. You should stay away from me."

"You didn't push me, right? I fell. Brendan, look at me." Ste waited until he finally did. "It wasn't you. There was a broken tile on the street, and I fell. It was the gravity, not you."

Brendan swallowed. "You sure? You're not just saying that? Because if it was because what I did... I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I'd hurt you."

"You didn't. I wouldn't lie to you." Ste kept looking at his eyes until Brendan let out a long sigh and relaxed a bit.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"Just grazed my hands a little."

Brendan reached for Ste's wrist and examined his palm. "Need to get these cleaned." Then he looked ashamed again. "I shouldn't have left you, when you were in pain."

"I get why you did. But promise me you won't do that again. What if I wouldn't have found you, would you have stayed out here all night?"

"I don't know, really." Brendan looked around. "I didn't think. I just needed to get away."

"Can you walk? I want to get us home." Ste stood up and Brendan did too, bit wobbly. They started to make their way out from the park, walking slowly side by side so their arms were touching. There was a park worker approaching them.

"Closing the gates soon, so if you'd please make your way out."

"We're going." Brendan mumbled and Ste made an apologetic face.

Brendan's steps were getting more unsteady the closer their home they got, and by the time they finally reached their home street Brendan was struggling to stay up.

"Nearly there." Ste surged under his arm so he could support Brendan for the last bit, and Brendan was leaning heavily against the wall while Ste unlocked their door. "Are you feeling sick? Do you think you'll vomit?"

"No. I'm just tired." Brendan yawned.

"Okay. Come on then." Ste helped him upstairs, took of his jacket and unbuttoned Brendan's shirt. When Brendan crawled in the bed Ste went back down to get them both large glasses of water. He went to the bathroom quickly to wash his hands, but they weren't bleeding anymore so he didn't bother to cover them up. Somehow Brendan was still awake when he got back to bedroom and undressed himself, put on one of Brendan's T-shirts and got in the bed next to him.

Ste propped himself up for his elbow and laid there watching Brendan who seemed to be seconds away from falling asleep, breathing heavily his eyes closed.

"I never touched the boys."

"Eh?" Ste frowned.

"My boys. Never touched them. It's what people think, innit, how abuse is a circle, and people do what has been done to them, but I never. You need to believe me."

"Of course I believe you. I never thought anything like that. Brendan -"

"I ended it, the line of hurt, it's stops with me, even if it meant that I had to leave them, I would never..." His voice dropped into a mumble.

"Brendan, do you mean... Do you mean that's why you left them? Because of what your dad did to you?" The realisation made Ste's heart hurt.

"I looked at them and thought, 'how could anyone do that?' How could he do that to me? Why me, why... I didn't know how to be a dad for them. I wanted to but... I just knew how to make someone hurt. It was better for them when I left." His voice was barely a whisper, words more slurred together.

"Oh, Bren." Ste couldn't hold back his tears. Brendan was still for such a long time that Ste thought he had fallen asleep already, but then he suddenly blinked his eyes open and focused his hazy gaze on Ste.

"But you... You made me believe world could be good again."

Ste reached to stroke Brendan's hair, gently. "It is. Now go to sleep and let me take care of you. I love you."

"...you too." Brendan mumbled and his eyes closed again. Ste laid next to him and watched over his sleep.

::::::

First thing Brendan realised when he came through his slumber was that everything hurt. The light seemed to drill it's way through his closed eyelids and burn his brain, and the brain in question was thudding and twisting, same as his insides.

The second thing was the realisation that there was a arm thrown around his stomach and a warm body pressed against Brendan's back. He could feel breathing on his skin and then cool lips touching the base of his neck, when Steven was awoken by his groans.

"Morning." His voice was soft and low. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm dying. Or I'm dead and this is hell." His own voice was croaky and his throat was dry as a sandpaper. "I feel like shit."

"Aww." Brendan could feel Steven move, and he rolled to his back. Steven was leaning on top of him, his hand pressed on Brendan's belly now and he stroked him there soothingly. "You have no stamina."

"Fuck off." Brendan threw his arm across his eyes to block the daylight. "Jesus, how much did I drink?"

"A lot." Brendan was hearing smile on Steven's voice, the little fucker was enjoying his torment. "You could hardly walk by the time we got home."

"Really?"

"You can't remember?" Steven's hand moved to stroke Brendan's chest and play with the hairs there. "You were pretty out of it. I have been up for a while now, just got back to bed to check on you, must have dozed off again."

"I remember I was being an idiot." Brendan mumbled and rubbed his eyes. He didn't remember clearly what had happened, but enough to remind himself that the boy next to him was a saint.

"What's new on that?" Steven teased and Brendan groaned.

"Why you little..." He rolled to his side and pulled Steven closer, but that was all he was able before his head started to bang again. They settled laying there, Brendan's arms around Steven, hands slowly stroking his flanks under the T-shirt, and Steven sneaking his hand to rest on Brendan's bum. Brendan closed his eyes and tried to will his headache away.

Brendan had almost fallen asleep again when Steven spoke. "Brendan?" His voice had that 'we have to talk'-tone which made Brendan sigh deeply.

"Yes, Steven?"

"Do you remember what upset you last night? In the party?"

"Yeah." Brendan forced his eyes open and met Steven's blue gaze, full of worry. "And you were right, like always, I was just... It's not easy for me to talk about feelings."

"I know." Steven's hand moved, and it was now stroking Brendan's beard gently. "But you know what I think?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me."

"I think you should tell Cheryl."

"Steven..." Brendan shook his head. "You know I can't do that."

"But I can't watch you getting hurt like this, day after day. I know you do, no matter how much you say you are okay and are used to it. You see Cheryl being all... excited over him while same time remembering what he's done to you, and now she has the holiday house and... She won't stop talking about it, unless she knows. It will keep bringing things back up and hurting you and I can't watch that."

Brendan swallowed. "You're saying you don't want to be with me?"

"Don't be daft." Steven brushed his lips against Brendan's, not quite a kiss but a reassuring gesture. "I'm saying you can't keep on going like this. We either have to move so you don't have to be near Cheryl and your dad and be reminded about the things every single day or... Or you could tell her, so she'll know and she can stop saying and doing things that upset you."

Brendan knew he was right, but it still scared him. "What if she doesn't believe me?"

"She should. But at least you have tried, then. Brendan," he moved even closer. "You will lose her, if you don't tell her. The pain, it will tear you two apart and I can't let that happen. I can't let him do that to you. He's already taken away so much from you. Don't let him take your sister too. You've got to do this for you, Brendan."

Brendan couldn't trust his voice not to break, and he had to close his eyes from the love he saw in Steven's. It amazed him, to have someone who cared so much about him, who was fighting for him with every breath. Maybe Brendan owed it to Steven, to finally step up. Maybe he owed it to himself.

He took hold of Steven's hand, kissed the palm where he had hurt himself last night, cleared his throat. "If I tell her... Will you be there with me?"

"Of course I will. I'll be there every step of the way." Steven pushed his forehead against Brendan's and he opened his eyes to meet his steady gaze, to drink in the trust and pride in it. "Brendan, I love you."

"I love you too." Then they were kissing, soft, gentle kisses, one, two, three, before Steven wrapped his arms around Brendan and let him sleep away his hangover.

In the following days Steven didn't mention their conversation or pushed Brendan to do anything. He must have known that even when Brendan had agreed he still wasn't ready to just act on it, he needed time to settle for that decision and waited for the right moment.

They had the kids over on weekend like normal, and Brendan loved the noise and life they brought with them. He thought about the upcoming summer, and how it would be nice to take the kids away somewhere if Amy agreed. Maybe Declan and Padraig could come too, and they could take some small trip, like a proper family. Not to the holiday house, no, but maybe somewhere near the coast anyway, some new place, for new memories.

Brendan got the feeling Steven had expected them to go see Cheryl on Monday, but Brendan didn't bring it up and Steven didn't ask. Instead Brendan took Steven out, in one of the expensive restaurants for a date and it was a good evening. Steven got bit tipsy from the champagne Brendan bought for him, and he was horny and not afraid to show it; his leg was rubbing against Brendan's and inching it way higher during their dinner, and the way Steven kept sucking the cake he had for dessert from his fork was almost too obscene. Brendan wanted nothing more than get him home and fuck him, but he loved Steven when he was desperate so instead of a taxi back home they walked, and the promise of a long night in bed was warm and heavy between them.

Once at home Brendan took his time with him, stripping them both as slow as he could, getting Steven crumble with annoyance and try every trick on his book to get Brendan move forward faster but he wasn't having it. Instead he fetched the scarf and that made Steven's eyes grow darker with lust, and the way he threw himself on the bed and his arms above his head made Brendan laugh, making Steven even more annoyed. He tied his wrists together and then on the headboard in a way that there was enough movement on the scarf for him to flip Steven over to his belly, and started his slow, sweet torture on him, licking him open, slipping a finger in, stroking his balls and perineum, biting his flesh. Brendan loved to bring Steven on the edge and then pull away and soothe him down, mark his backside with bites and red hand marks, loved the curses and pleas coming from his lips when Steven wanted Brendan in him. He kept going until Steven was a sobbing mess, every sense of him teased to a breaking point and then he finally gave him what he wanted, allowed himself to be swallowed inside Steven's body. Brendan kept fucking him as slowly as he could, and when he felt the tremor rising inside Steven he pulled out getting yet another desperate cry out from him. He flipped Steven over again and leaned between his open legs to lick away the tears from his face, and slid back in while kissing him.

"Come for me, baby." He whispered against Steven's lips and he did straight away, crying high and long when his body trembled and shook, on and on while Brendan fucked him through it, holding himself off as long as he could before pulling out again and shuffling himself forward so when he came he came on Steven's blissed out face. Brendan wasn't sure had Steven ever looked more beautiful as he did then, gasping for air, tears of pleasure rolling down his red cheeks and white blobs of Brendan's cum decorating his lashes and lips. When he finally seemed to be able to open his eyes he looked like he had seen the universe, and there was nothing less than worship on his gaze when he watched Brendan gently releasing his hands and picking him up. Steven's legs didn't seem to work so Brendan made them a bath instead of taking a shower, and it felt almost a shame to wash Steven's face. Ste kept himself burrowed against Brendan while he sponged him clean before carrying him back to bed, and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep, nose pressed on Brendan's chest. Brendan kept holding him, breathing his scent from his hair and he knew what he would have to do.

Next day Steven had some meeting in Leah's school with her teacher and Amy. He seemed sad that Brendan couldn't join because he wasn't official guardian, but Brendan told him it was fine.

"I have some stuff in Baile I have to go and settle anyway, saves me from doing them tonight if I do the calls now." He stroked Steven's hair and looked at his face carefully. "You can tell me everything afterwards, yeah?"

"Okay." Steven frowned. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." Brendan kissed him. "See you later."

Steven looked at him like he was trying to figure him out. "Love you," he finally said and Brendan said it back and watched after him from the door until he could no longer see him.

Brendan went back inside and changed his clothes, put on his black shirt and grey suit. He went on their car and started to drive, but instead of going to the club he drove to Cheryl's place.

He parked the car bit further away, but from where he had a view for her parking lot. He knew Nate was at work and Cheryl had mentioned about some meeting she had with her business school, so he waited. About fifteen minutes later he saw her come to her car and driving off. Brendan took a deep breath and fiddled with his phone nervously. _You can do this_ , he said to himself, _for Steven, for what ever future you'll have with him, you can do this._

Brendan got off the car and slowly walked the stairs up to Cheryl's flat and knocked on the door before he would get any second thoughts.

There was momentary surprise on Seamus's face when he saw who it was, which soon turned into a disgust.

"Chery'ls not here." He said.

"I know. I came to see you." Brendan hoped he sounded more calm and controlled than he felt. Seamus looked him up and down before making a noise full of annoyance. He turned and started to walk away, leaving Brendan to follow him. Brendan noticed that Seamus didn't seem to be nearly as much in pain than he had made it out on Friday evening.

"What is it then?" Seamus sat on the couch and stared at Brendan. "What's so important that you finally come to see your old man?"

Brendan swallowed and remained standing. This was it. "I came to ask you why. Why you did those things to me when I was a kid."

Seamus snorted again. "Is this what it's all about? I smacked you around, yeah, but it was to keep you in line, you were such a challenging boy. Who knows what you would have turned out if I wouldn't have show you some discipline."

"Breaking my arm, that what you call discipline?" Brendan tried not to start pacing around. "And that's not what I meant, the violence, it's... I meant why you... why you abused me."

"What are you saying?" Seamus's eyes grew dark. Brendan knew that look, when he was a child it meant he was going to get hurt. _You're a grownup now_ , he reminded himself. _Bigger than him, he can't hurt you now._

"You know what I mean."

"That's disgusting, accusing me for something that vile." Seamus's voice remained steady. "What's wrong with you, to even say this?"

"Don't." Brendan shook his head. "Don't make it seem like I'm crazy, or.. You know what you did, no matter how much you try to deny it. You know the times you crept into my room when everyone else was asleep, the things you did to me. How you only stopped when I was big enough to hit you back. I need to know why, _how_ you could do something like that? I was your son, a child, and you took me and you twisted me and..." He stopped to draw a breath. Seamus's face was dark with fury.

"You are sick. Your sister would be ashamed to hear you say such things."

Brendan closed his eyes and nodded. That was it, then. "If you won't be a man enough to admit it, I have nothing else to say to you. I want you to stay away from me, and from Steven and our kids. I don't ever want to see you again."

Seamus was laughing now, cold, hard noise which made the hairs on Brendan's neck to stand up. "Like I would want to spent any time with you or your puff boy. Have you been telling your lies to him, the way he's been talking to me... Was it even an accident when he knocked me over, I don't think so."

"You don't seem to be suffering too much about it." Brendan said and took a step towards the door. "Just milking some sympathy for Chez. I don't know you can live with yourself."

"Don't you dare." Seamus was up and at Brendan so fast that he hardly had any time to react to it. He tried to take another step back to put space between them but Seamus had grabbed his arm. His breath was on Brendan's face, bringing back memories. Momentarily he was a child again, crouching in his bed, trying to get away but his father was bigger and stronger in every way. "You come in here, insulting me, acting like you're better than me. You would do another smack."

"Don't touch me." Brendan could feel the panic rising inside him and he was disgusted how scared he sounded. Seamus noticed it too, his face twisting into a triumphant smile.

" _Don't touch me_." He mimicked, "That's what you always said, but I could tell, I could always tell what a little queer you were, desperate for attention, well I gave it to you. I showed you what it's like, and you secretly liked it. That's why you never told anyone, that's why you never ran away. Look at what it made you into, you owe it to me." His other hand tried to grab Brendan's belt, but he finally got his strength back.

"No." He pushed Seamus and he staggered back, stumbling against the coffee table and falling backwards. "You don't touch me again, ever! You fucking child rapist! I should kill you for what you did!"

"You don't have it in you." Seamus stared at him from the ground. "Such a pansy you are, it took you forever to fight back, to become man enough to stop it. If you'd shown some balls it wouldn't have happened in the first place."

"You disgust me." Brendan took a step to the door and pulled it open. "Stay away from me and my family, you hear me?"

He didn't stay to listen if Seamus had any last words. He ran down the stone steps and to his car, and he was half way through the drive back home when the rush of adrenaline started to ware off. He had to pull aside and he rushed to throw up in the gutter. He returned to the car, drank some water to wash the taste of bile from his mouth and it took a while before he stopped shaking enough so he felt safe to drive rest of the way home.

Steven was home already, there was a scent of food coming from the kitchen.

"Hiya," his voice carried to Brendan when he pushed the front door closed. "I'm making us some lunch, I didn't know how long you'd be so it will take about half an hour before it's ready but I can make you some sandwich if you're hung- Brendan? What is it?"

Brendan had walked to the kitchen door and leaned to the side for support. Steven's smile dropped when he saw him and Brendan could only guess what he looked like. Steven was wiping his hands clean for towel and came to him, face full of worry.

"What happened, are you okay?"

"I didn't go to Baile. I went to see Seamus."

"What?" Steven looked shocked. "What happened? Did you kill him? What about the body, is it still there, Brendan do we need to get back there to hide it or -"

"What? No. Steven, I didn't kill him. I just went to talk to him." Brendan put his hands around Steven's neck. He could feel him shaking. "He's still alive, it's alright."

"Why would you want to talk to him?" Steven held Brendan's wrist and stared at him like he tried to read the answers straight from his brain.

"I just wanted to ask him why he did what he did. To get some closure, I guess."

"Did you get it?"

"No." Brendan straightened up, pushed his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "But I got this."

"What is it?" Steven looked confused when Brendan handed him the phone. He frowned and stared the recording on screen. "You mean..."

"I got it on tape. Him, talking about the things he did to me." Brendan stroked Steven's neck. "Steven, I got him."

Steven face was blank for a second before he jumped on Brendan, his arms around his neck and face buried there too. Brendan could hear his shaky breaths and feel tears against his skin. "I'm so proud of you. Brendan, I'm so proud."

Brendan couldn't reply. He just held Steven tighter.

::::::

They knew Seamus was going back to Ireland at some point to arrange his living situation, so they waited. It felt like a long time, but knowing things would change was like weight had been lifted on them. Ste had seen how hard things had been for Brendan but now when he was more relaxed it felt so obvious how much Seamus's presence had affected on him.

Neither of them really talked about the thing once they had agreed what they were going to do, but instead they focused on other things, to each other and their family and getting on with their daily life. There was some new found closeness between them, even when Ste had thought they couldn't get any closer than they already had been. They could hardly keep their hands off one another and more than once Mitzeee had walked on them in Baile, rolling her eyes and saying she was getting diabetes from the way they kept looking one another.

Finally the day came, when Cheryl phoned Brendan and mentioned that Seamus had left to Ireland the day before, and without saying they both knew that tomorrow would be the day when they'd tell everything to her. Brendan casually asked if they could drop in before work and she was excited about it, as they hand't seen one another since the engagement party.

Ste could tell Brendan was nervous then, but he did his best to take his mind off from the next day by riding him on their sofa soon as they got home from work. And the next morning he stayed as close as Brendan as he could, while they got washed up and had their breakfast. From the way Brendan looked at him and laid his hand on him every now and then Ste knew it was at least some form of relief to him.

"It will be okay." Ste told him when they had parked to Cheryl's place. Brendan nodded but then he looked unsure.

"What if she doesn't want to believe me?" He had been asking that question several times. _Why would anyone believe me?_

"We got the tape." Ste said. "And she should, she should believe you even without it, and she will do what's right."

Brendan took a deep breath. "Let's go, then."

Cheryl was all smiles when she let them in. Even when the pregnancy wasn't showing on her body yet it was obvious from the way she was glowing and Ste had noticed she had adopted an habit to touch her belly when she moved, like she couldn't yet believe the whole thing. They changed some pleasantries while she and Nate made them tea and carried some treats to go with it on the table.

"We finally had the chance to eat that tart of yours last night," Cheryl said to Ste. "We had to postpone our romantic evening after Daddy's accident but since he's been gone we've been making the most of it." She gave Nate a warm smile and he looked pleased yet bit embarrassed.

"Not sure your brother wants to hear about that," he said and Cheryl let out a laugh. Brendan shifted on his seat.

"Yeah my little sisters intimate life is not my favourite subject." He cleared his throat. "Speaking of Dad... I... There's something we need to talk about him."

Cheryl gave Nate a look, and then she sat down, reaching for Brendan's hand. "Is it about his treatments? Because we have tried, Bren, but he says it's no use and he's made up his mind and -"

"Treatments?" Ste frowned and he and Brendan shared a buzzled look. "What treatments?"

"Oh God, you didn't know?" Cheryl's face dropped. "I thought that he told you when you visited him, and that you'd be..."

"He told you about that?" Brendan asked. "He told you I came to see him? Did he tell you why?"

"He said you came in for a chat and I thought... I thought it was because he's sick." Cheryl was the one looking confused now. Nate sat next to her and held his hand on her shoulder for support. "It's cancer. Chronic cancer, that's the word, he has his pills to help him but it's non treatable, he says, and it can go worse any day and he has his check ups and... He didn't even tell us at first, because he didn't want to worry us, bless him, but he has his doctors appointments every month so... He told us not to tell you but I though that's why you met up the other day, so he could let you know too and you could work out your issues as he might not have much time left."

Brendan opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He looked at Ste as for help and Ste leaned closer so he could put his hand on Brendan's arm.

"We didn't know. And it's not what we came here to tell you." Ste gave Brendan's arm a squeeze. "Bren?"

"Yeah. So." He cleared his throat again. Looked on the table, on the walls, anywhere but Cheryl. "It's not why I came to see him, it's... You know he used to beat me up as a kid, I've told you that before, how he..." He took a deep breath. "He also used to abuse me. Sexually. That's what I came here to talk about with him, to ask him why, but he just laughed at me. But I got it on tape, him admitting it, so if you don't believe me I have the proof, I have the..." He run out of steam and threw a careful glance on Cheryl. "He abused me, Chez."

Her face was blank. Nate kept looking from her to Brendan and Ste could see that he believed it, every word, that he was putting on together two and two. Cheryl shook her head like she tried to clear her thoughts by it.

"Why... Why are you saying this?"

"Because it's true." Brendan gabbed her hand now, tried to make her look at him. "That man is a monster, he's done awful things, he... And I need you to know, I need you to believe me, so you know why I can't be near him, why I can't ever come to the holiday house again. I have to stay away from him."

"Holiday house?" Her voice was small. "What... Why?"

"That's where he... That's where it started." Brendan leaned closer. "Do you believe me?"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why..?" She had started to cry now, body shaking with heavy sobs.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you." Brendan looked like he was in pain. "If I told you that, everything you believed in, everything you cared for, everything would just... Just come crashing down and you know. How could I do that to my baby sister?"

"When?" She asked. "Was I there? Was I in the house?"

Ste's heart hurt to see the pain in Brendan's face, when he had to answer his sisters questions. "Not all the time."

"I can't believe this." Cheryl sobbed and Brendan's expression dropped.

"I have the tape."

"No, I mean, I can't believe this, that I never noticed it, how could have I missed it?" It was hard to make up her words from the crying. "I was there, weren't I, how did I not see it?"

"You were a child. Tried to keep it from you." Brendan stroked her hand. "You're my baby sister, I wanted to protect you."

"I wanted to be you so badly. I was so jealous for Daddy giving you all that attention. I wanted to be his favourite." She buried her face on her hands and Brendan closed his eyes. Ste would have given anything if he could have taken away the pain from him, carry it so Brendan didn't need to. He had suffered so much already.

For a while there was no other sound than Cheryl crying. Nate kept holding her and kissing her hair, and Ste kept holding Brendan's arm, in hopes to send him some strength. After a while Cheryl seemed to calm down a bit. She wiped her face with her hands.

"Can I... Can I listen to it?"

"You don't believe me?" Brendan asked.

"I do, of course I do, but I need to... I need to hear him say it. I have forgiven him so much just because he's my dad and... If I don't hear it, I worry he might... Because he knows how to say the right things, he knows I want to forgive him and I need to hear it so I can remember it when he tries to..."

"Okay." Brendan pulled out his phone. Ste hadn't heard the tape, he didn't need to, and he couldn't hear it now either.

"I'm just gonna go and..." He gestured towards the kitchen. Nate got up too.

"I'll come and help you."

They retreated to the kitchen and left the Brady's to talk. There really wasn't anything to do, so they stood there bit awkwardly and tried not to snoop what the siblings were talking about.

"So." Nate whispered, "I assume you've known for a long time?"

"Not so long. Brendan told me after Seamus came here. I had no idea before, I knew he had been violent but... I had no idea how bad it was."

"It will be hard for Cheryl to wrap her head around this. She's been emotionally dedicated herself to be her fathers caretaker and now... There's no way he can move here now." Nate's face was twisted with disgust. "I had my issues with him before and thought there might be more between him and Brendan, but this... How could he do something like that? And act like nothing had happened?"

"I don't know." Ste rubbed his eyes. "He's a horrible man. But I'm so proud of Brendan standing up for him now. It's been so hard for him but he's done it anyways."

"Will he go to the police?" Nate asked and Ste shook his head.

"No. He doesn't want to make it public. All he wants is Cheryl and you to know and make your decisions of what to do with him."

"He won't be staying here." Nate said solemnly and Ste gave him a nod of gratitude.

They waited for a little longer before peeking to the living room. "I think we can go back." Nate said and they slowly made their way back there. Cheryl and Brendan were hugging, Cheryl's face was wet with tears but she seemed to control her emotions, and Brendan seemed pretty emotional too.

"Alright?" Ste asked when he sat next to Brendan and stroked his hand on his neck. Brendan nodded. Nate handed Cheryl some tissues and once she had blown her nose he took her in his arms.

"I'm sorry, it's all just bit much." She sniffed.

"No, I'm sorry for throwing this all to you." Brendan started but Cheryl was shaking her head.

"Don't, it's not your fault. But what are we going to do, oh God, he's coming here next week, thinking he can move in, but he can't, can he?"

"Look, Chez, I know he's your dad and all, and him being sick makes it all even harder for you," Ste said. "But you need to decide is that the man you want near you, or your baby?"

She started to cry again. "I don't know what to do."

"It's alright." Ste patted her hand. "We'll be here for you. We decide what we'll do together, yeah?" Then he made sure he was looking at Brendan. "As a family."

::::::

Cheryl had called Brendan daily, sometimes twice or even three times a day after their talk, and they had met couple times too, just the two of them. It was hard for Brendan, to go over those things she asked from him and see how his words hurt her, but he also understood why she needed to hear that. It was lot to take in, and both of them got too upset at some point to go any further and had to digest things before they could go on.

But in some weird way, even when Brendan was emotionally drained after his chats with Cheryl he felt relieved too. It wasn't just his secret anymore, he didn't have to watch his words the way he had used to or fear how Cheryl would take it. Steven was his lifeline, one look and he knew Brendan had been talking to her, and he was there, chatting on other things, giving Brendan both the physical and emotional comfort he needed. It was such a relief – all his life Brendan had thought no one could get him, that the damage done to him would be too much for anyone to handle but there Steven was, never making him feel any less than he had before he told him the ugly truth. Steven didn't shy away from arguments or act carefully around him, he was the same feisty, sassy, loving man he had been the whole time Brendan had known him.

Cheryl had accepted that Brendan didn't want to go to police or make things any more public than they already were. Knowing that Seamus was eventually dying from the cancer was enough, and he would die alone and abandoned as Cheryl was determined to throw him out. It gave Brendan some pleasure to know that Seamus would come back thinking he had a place to stay, but would end up homeless instead. Cheryl was only person he had ever cared about, even when he had emotionally used her too, so hopefully losing her would affect him more than anything else could.

She had asked would Brendan be there when Seamus would return, as a support. He wasn't sure could he handle meeting Seamus again, so when Cheryl called almost a week after Brendan first told her, to let him know Seamus would be back the next day Brendan was still torn. They were both home with Steven when she called, and he was instantly on Brendan's side, sitting next to him on the couch while he was on the phone with her.

"I don't know Chez, I already said to him everything I want to say."

"I get it, I do, but I think if we'd do it together it would.. I don't know, be more effective? For him to see us on the same side. Of course Nate will be here to support me, but it would mean so much if you could be here too."

"I need to think about it. I'll call you later and let you know."

Steven held his hand on Brendan's thigh when he ended the call. "Alright?"

"She wants me to go there when he comes back. To, I don't know, maximise the effect. But I don't know can I see him again, after... I don't know if I can."

"It's alright." Steven turned a little so he was facing Brendan more, blue eyes full of support. "You don't have to go. But if you think it might help to give the final closure it might be good idea to be there. And that's the last you have to ever see him, when he leaves tail between his legs after Cheryl has said her piece."

"Would you come too?" Brendan asked, hating how needy he sounded.

"Of course I would. Any change to see Seamus suffer, I'll be there."

Brendan had to laugh at that, and after he had kissed that smile on Steven's face he gave Cheryl a call to let her know they would be there.

They went there early, to be ready when Seamus would arrive. He had given Cheryl a ring, telling when his boat would arrive, and they waited, counting the minutes of how long it would take from Seamus to drive to Cheryl's place. All four of them were bit edgy, not talking much and Brendan wondered did everyone else feel like they would vomit if they opened their mouth.

They all jumped a bit when there was a rattle by the door when Seamus tried to get his keys in, not knowing Cheryl and Nate had got the locks changed. After few attempts there was a tentative knock. Nate and Cheryl exchanged a look and she gave him a solemn nod. Nate walked on the door and pulled it open.

"Hello, Seamus."

"Ah, Nathan! It seems there's some problem with my key, it doesn't fit." Seamus was all pleasant smile, clearly not noting the anger on Nate's face.

"Come on in, Cheryl has something to say to you. No, leave your bags out, no need to bring them in, is there?" Nate stepped aside. Seamus looked confused now, and then looked past him inside the apartment and his face dropped when he saw Brendan standing next to Cheryl and Steven right behind him.

"What's this?" He got inside and his gaze moved from his children to bags which were piled by the door, containing all his belongings Cheryl had cleared from the guestroom. "Cheryl, what's going on?"

"You won't be moving in here." Cheryl's voice was surprisingly strong even when her eyes were red from the crying. "I want you to take your stuff and leave."

"Why?" His eyes settled on Brendan, and the familiar anger and disgust filled them. "What lies has he been telling you?"

"They are no lies and you know it." Brendan said. "She needed to know what kind of snake she's been keeping under her roof."

"Cheryl, I don't know what he's been saying to you, but he's a liar, that's how he was even as a child, such nasty kid he was, always cheating and creating troubles for his old man." Seamus voice got that tone Brendan knew so well, the one he used when he wanted some sympathy.

"Stop, just stop. It's all out now, there's no use to act like you're the victim."

Seamus took a step closer like he was going to lunge on Brendan but Cheryl stepped between them.

"I heard you say it. I heard you talking about the things you... I can't even imagine it, how you could do that to him, and the pretend you loved me." Cheryl was crying again but she didn't let it stop her. "I want you out from my house and never calling me again, we're done."

"But Cheryl, I do love you, you're my baby girl!" He tried to take a step closer, hands reaching like he wanted to embrace her but she took a step back in disgust and Seamus halted, letting his arms to drop. "I'm your da!"

"No, you're not. I don't have a dad anymore."

Seamus's face twisted. "I sold my house. I have no where else to go." He pleaded. "The cancer, I'm dying."

"Then die," Steven said from Brendan's side where he had stood silently so far, "Do you think any of us care?"

"You little bastard." Seamus didn't even have time to step this time when it was Brendan to surged forward, as close to him as he could without touching him.

"You have no right to speak to him like that. You have no right to speak at all. Get your stuff and go rot somewhere else." He had to control every fibre of his body not to bash Seamus's head in, but he could feel Steven's presence by his side, reminding him what mattered.

Seamus was shaking with rage, but took a step back. He tried to catch Cheryl's gaze but she was now being held by Nate and refused to look at him anymore. Seamus had no choice, he put on a show limping to the bags waiting for him, starting to lift them with heavy sighs and carrying them through the door. No one else spoke or moved, there was unnatural silence in the flat until Seamus had got everything out and stood there watching them.

"Cheryl." He tried once more but Nate gently let go of her and walked to Seamus, forcing him to back out the apartment.

"Bye bye," Steven said with extremely malicious smile on him and then Nate slammed the door shut in front of Seamus's face.

For a few second they all just stood there, and then there was collective sigh of relief. Nate rushed back to Cheryl to hold her when she let out a long sob, and Brendan wrapped Steven in his arms. After a while he let go of him and turned to Cheryl, and Nate moved her from his hold to Brendan's.

"It's okay. It will be okay." Brendan stroked her hair when she cried. It took lesser time for her to calm down than Brendan had expected, and by the time she had collected herself and was blowing her nose Nate and Steven had made them all some coffee. They drank in silence, but it was comfortable one, no one really knowing what to say after the confrontation but pleased how it went. Brendan's arm was around Steven's lower back, stroking his side and soaking in the closeness.

"I'll go get myself freshened up." Cheryl said once she had finished her coffee and disappeared to upstairs. Nate moved to the door and had a peek through the eye hole.

"He's gone. God knows where he's going with all those bags."

"Good riddance." Steven said and Brendan squeezed him a bit tighter.

Cheryl came back down, looking more calm and she had washed her face to get rid of the tears. She came back to Brendan for another hug and when she pulled back she took Brendan's hand and placed something on there. Brendan opened his palm and watched the keys Cheryl had given to him.

"For the holiday house?" He asked and she nodded. "No, Chez, it's yours."

She shook her head, looking like she was completely done. "I don't want nothing to do with it anymore. Do what you want with it. Sell it, keep it, let it rot. I don't care."

::::::

::::::

"Come on, Paddy, we're gonna be late!" Ste knocked the bathroom door.

"In a minute!" was the grumpy reply and Ste had to suppress his laughter. Paddy hated the suit, and didn't hide it.

Ste made his way to their bedroom where he found Brendan slipping on a dark grey suit jacket on top of his white shirt. Ste halted in the doorway and took the sight in. Brendan tilted his head and gave him a questioning look.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just, you look well fit in that suit."

"You have seen me in a suit before." Brendan said but he had that cocky smile on his lips, showing how pleased he was. He checked himself from the mirror one last time and walked to give Ste a small peck on his lips.

"Yeah, but not in this one." Ste couldn't help but get a sneaky squeeze over Brendan's bicep. "Shame we're in a hurry..."

Brendan let out a laugh and shook his head. "You're impossible. Where are the boys?"

"Declan all ready but we might need to drag Paddy out from the bathroom." Ste smiled. Right after he had said that the bathroom door opened and Paddy stepped out looking grumpy as hell, but very smart in his little suit which matched Brendan's; Dark grey pants and vest, and white shirt underneath it. "There you are! All set? We better get going so your Auntie Chez won't get mad for us."

Declan was waiting them downstairs. He let out a comical whistle when he saw them. "Aren't you all looking good."

"Everyone will remember how handsome Brady bunch looked in Chez's wedding." Ste grinned. Brendan and the boys were indeed a dashing.

"You too, Ste," Declan said and Brendan placed his hand on Ste's shoulder.

"Well he will be officially Brady soon, so he'll be counted as one of us."

Ste flushed with pride. They still hadn't set the date with everything what had been going on, but it was obvious for both of them that they would do so soon as this wedding was done. Sooner the better, and Ste didn't care about the reception or the party, he just wanted to marry this man and could tell Brendan was just as eager.

They got in the car and drove to the small church Cheryl and Nate had for their wedding in. It was pretty little building and Ste was glad the place was so adorable, knowing that it had been chosen because they had an open slot in their schedule to match the rush. After what had happened with Seamus Cheryl had wanted to get married soon as possible, and this place was been able to arrange that in couple of weeks time. It had been a busy few weeks, helping Cheryl to set things up and sweet talk Eileen to let the boys come in such a short notice. Not all the invited quests were able to come so it would be a small wedding, but Cheryl didn't seem to care – all the important people in her life would be there and that was enough.

She had invited Amy and the kids too, and Amy had brought in Lee as her date and they all waited them in front of the church. Ste rushed to hug her and the kids, and the kids were excited to see their brothers again. They made their way inside and it had been decorated lovely with spring flowers and white and light yellow bows and ribbons.

"Is that Nate's mum?" Ste whispered to Brendan when he spotted an older lady sitting in front row.

"Yeah, that's Cressinda. Would stay away from her if I were you, she's not known to be very pleasant." Brendan gave her a nod when their eyes met and indeed, she didn't look very pleased to be there. Ste had heard her being very upset for her son choosing Cheryl, and the rushed wedding hadn't been on her plans either, but at least the knowledge of getting her first grandchild soon had softened the blow a little.

They took over one row of benches and once the children had settled to sit down Brendan leaned to give Ste a small kiss on his cheek. "I'll go and find Chez. See you later."

"Good luck! Tell her I send her my love!" Ste watched him go and then sat down next to Amy.

About ten minutes later Nate arrived, wearing a very expensive looking suit and giving nervous smiles and waves to the guests. Soon after that the music started to play, and everyone turned to look Cheryl as she walked down the aisle with Brendan. She looked beautiful in her two piece, cocktail style ivory dress, even when Ste could see from Cressinda's face that she wasn't approving the length of it. But Cheryl was glowing, her baby bump starting to show and she kept looking at Nate on the altar with wide smile on her face. Ste's gaze constantly kept turning to Brendan instead of her, and he could hardly believe how tall and handsome he looked. Brendan gave him a wink when they passed their row, and Ste thought his face might split from the proud smiling. Once they reached the altar Brendan gave Cheryl a kiss on both cheeks, patted Nate's shoulder and made his way to sit on Ste's side.

"Alright?" Ste asked quietly and Brendan nodded.

The ceremony as short but beautiful. Minister said some lovely words about love, family and support, and then both Nate and Cheryl read their vows. Both of them had troubles to keep their voice steady from the emotion and Ste saw many of the guests wiping their eyes, even Cressinda was blinking rapidly at one point.

When it was time for them to exchange the rings and repeat the vows after the priest Ste leaned closer to Brendan. "I can't wait that to be us," he whispered and Brendan smiled at him in a way that made Ste's insides flutter. He tried to turn his attention back to Cheryl, who was sliding the ring on Nate's finger.

"...to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

Brendan's hand grabbed Ste's and held it tight.

::::::

Boys left on Sunday evening and Steven and Brendan had to go to work after that so they couldn't go then. On Monday was their day off, and they spent the morning in bed, had a massive lunch in one of their favourite pubs and popped in the store to shop what they needed. Then they got in the car and started to drive.

It was couple hours drive but Steven had never been on the area, so he kept chatting and asking things, keeping Brendan's mind distracted. It was a lovely scenery, and Brendan felt sad that it had been ruined from him in a way, making him remember dark things every time he saw a beach similar with the one in holiday home

"Are we there?" Steven asked when Brendan parked the car.

"Kinda. We have to walk rest of the way."

They got out with their stuff and Brendan lead Steven through the path. Some of the vegetation was bigger than Brendan remembered, but it still felt the same than before, the breeze from the sea, the way the sand glistered in the setting sun, the sound of the seagulls and other birds. Memories hit him so hard that Brendan almost wanted to stop, turn around and go away, but he knew he had to do this.

"There it is." He pointed when they reached the part of the path from where the house was visible. It was snuggled safely between the cliffs, facing the sea. For a long time they just stood there watching it, Brendan trying to keep his breathing steady. He felt Steven's hand touching the small of his back.

"We better move if we don't want to lose the daylight."

They made their way down the path and towards the house. Neither of them talked until they almost reached it, and Steven stopped to look around.

"The builders have done a good job. Does it still look the same?"

"Yeah." Brendan nodded. "They have repainted it, renewed some of the window frames by the looks of it, you know, little things, but the main appearance is the same. Just polished version of what I remember."

"I bet he thought that little lick of paint could hide the truth." Steven said and Brendan couldn't help but wonder how smart and brave that boy was. "Do you wanna go inside?"

"No, but I guess we have to."

When they reached the porch Brendan pulled out the set of keys Cheryl had given to him and unlocked the door. It was still sunny outside, but inside it was dimmer and he reached for the light switch but nothing happened. The builders hadn't reconnect the electricity yet, or maybe Seamus had expected Cheryl and Nate to arrange it. They left their stuff by the door and took a quick look around the downstairs. Some of the kitchen shelves were clearly renewed, and some of the floorboards too. There weren't many furniture's left, just the big dinner table Brendan remembered from his childhood, and dusty old armchair. He flinched when he remembered how he and Cheryl used to build a hut on it with pillows and blankets, and then their father arrived and he used to sit on that chair, smoking and drinking.

"Bedrooms are upstairs." He turned his back on the chair. Steven was standing by the window, taking in the view. When Brendan spoke he looked at him over his shoulder.

"The one where..."

"Yeah."

"We don't have to go there if you don't want to."

"I don't."

Steven walked to him and Brendan hadn't realised he was shaking before Steven stroked his arm.

"Are you done with this place?"

"Yeah."

They walked back to the hallway through the kitchen and Brendan stopped to try the oven. "Gas is off too."

"That's good, we don't want to take any risks while we are still here." Steven said, practical. Then his face turned worried. "Are you sure there won't be any troubles with this?"

"There shouldn't be, no. We aren't taking any insurance money out from this, are we? And once the house is gone we can sell the land and put the money safe for the kids."

Steven nodded. "Okay."

They took the canisters of gasoline they had carried from the car and started to pour it all around the downstairs. Brendan thought they might have needed to bring some more, but hopefully once the wood lit up it would spread and burn down the whole thing. He threw the remaining from his canister to the stairs leading upstairs, and once they were out the house Steven poured what he had left on the porch.

They took a step back and looked the house one last time.

"Are you sure?" Steven asked, holding the box of matches.

Brendan reached and took them from him. "Yes."

First match went off when Brendan threw it, but the second one didn't and the gasoline lit up, making a fiery path inside the house and then they could see the flames through the windows. Brendan took held of Steven's hand and pulled him further away, as the holiday house caught up in fire faster than he had expected.

They stood in a safe distance and watched it burn, still hand in hand. Then Steven turned towards him and his mouth was on Brendan's, warm and demanding. They were heading towards the summer but it was still chilly in the evenings, but Steven didn't seem to care when he stripped off his jacket and shirt. Brendan laid down on the sand and Steven knelt on top of him, pulling out Brendan's cock from his pants and getting him ready for him, and Brendan would never forget how Steven looked while riding him, getting caught in the middle of the light of the flames of the burning house and the beams of the lowering sun dancing on his skin.

He wrapped Steven in his arms afterwards and helped him to get dressed, and they sat there watching the last of the fires to die down. There wasn't much left of the house, just some supporting structures which now stood blackened and broken against the cliffs.

"Good thing we didn't burn down anything else." Steven said.

"There's not much else to burn, is there, just sand, rocks and the sea. I wouldn't have suggested it if I thought we could cause more damage." Brendan rested his chin on Steven's shoulder. "You cold, Steven?"

"A bit. You're keeping me warm, though." He twisted his head to give Brendan a warm smile, and Brendan kissed him.

"Let's get you home, shall we?" Brendan got up and helped Steven on his feet, and they threw one last glance towards the remains of the house before starting to make their way to the car. It was getting darker now, but there was still enough light for them to see where they were going. Steven was staying as close to Brendan as he could without making them stumble and they had almost reached the car when he finally spoke.

"Are you okay, though? After this, after everything, are you okay?"

Brendan halted and linked his hands around Steven's neck. There was worry on the boys face, and there was love. "I will be." Brendan said. "Never thought I could be, that I would just try not to think about it, bury it somewhere where no one could see it, not even myself. Never thought I could stand up to him, or tell Cheryl or anyone else. But you... You changed everything, Steven. Everything."

The last rays of sunshine were caught in Steven's eyes when he smiled before he rose up to his toes to kiss Brendan. His mouth tasted sweet and familiar, a promise of a beautiful future.

* * *

 _That's the end! Thank you for reading, I'll see you in the next one xx_


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